Monday June 23 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

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How To Bag a MILF :: I Want a New Girlfriend

What is a MILF?

I think the first time I ever heard the term MILF was while I was watching the Movie “American Pie”. For those of you who may not know, the acronym MILF is short for Mom I’d Like to Fuck. Considering the site you’re on, you probably believe the image of a MILF perpetuated by sites such as, MILF Hunter and MILF Seeker. Although I have to admit there is nothing wrong with believing that every MILF known to man is an ex-stripper with big natural tits who are just waiting around for you to have a nice cum fiesta with her, the simple fact is that 99.99% of all MILFs are average, overworked, under-appreciated, and yes sometimes undersexed, women who simply want to be taken away from the everday and be shown a little attention before you try to give her her first big cock. Most MILFs do not have names like Destiny, Jelena, Gia, or Brandy, and most are not looking to say “Hey Joe, I cheated on you and I Got GangBanged.” Let me tell you my opinion and experience about what a MILF really is, and how to bag the MILF of your dreams.

Types of MILFs

For sake of discussion, I would claim that their are three basic categories which MILFs fall under:

  1. Single / Divorced Mothers I’d Like to Fuck,
  2. Married but Lonely MILFs who do not get the appropriate affection from their husbands, and
  3. Slutty Housewives Looking for Sex on the Side who will fuck anything that walks

Obviously, women in the first category are more common than women in the second and women in the third (Mommy Loves Cock girls) category are as common as the Easter Bunny, but they do exist. Since all you have to do is be in the right place at the right time to bag a slutty MILF, we’re going to concentrate on single MILFs and married but lonely housewives looking for love.

What to Consider About MILFs

In my opinion, in order for you to be considered attractive by a MILF, you need to understand a few things:

The first thing you need to understand is what makes a chick a MILF – Children. Unless you are trying to bag a very mature Milf (someone in her 50s whose kids are grown and gone), chances are her kids will be the focus of her life. If you don’t like kids then you are probably screwed – and not in a good way. The fact that she is a mother is part of the attraction in wanting to bang her, but it’s also something you need to be vary careful of. In the early stages of any relationship of this nature, you probably won’t have to meet them right away (most mothers, even horny ones, are protective), but you had better polish up on your child rearing skills. The good part about it is that many MILFs are looking for someone to be their children’s surrogate daddy – and even if you are just trying to get some TopShelf Pussy, you are going to have to impress her kids if you want to get her to spread her legs. You better know how to play peek-a-boo, you better have a soft, high-pitched “child friendly” voice, and you better learn to like Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel.

The second thing you need to understand is that MILFs are BUSY FUCKING WOMEN. While you probably get home from work, take a shit, grab a beer, jerk-off, and watch MTV, she leaves work, has to pick up the kids, make dinner, break up a few fights, check homework, do laundry, prepare lunch for the next day, maybe work out, and put the kids to bed. It is a very hectic and thankless job and one that leaves her stressed out. Normally this leads to two different types of women: 1) women who want to go out and party to drink their troubles away, and 2) women who want to go out, have a quiet evening, be made to feel special, and realize a quiet retreat from their otherwise busy life. The key is trying to figure out which is applicable for her – because the quicker you can take her away from her everyday, the quicker you can get a great that great street blowjob.

If you are trying to bag a married MILF, the other thing you need to worry about is whether is just how good she is getting banged at home. Although chances are that if she’s looking in the first place, she’s not getting banged by a porn stud like Ron Jeremy, you still are going to be compared to her current husband. You need to remember that there’s a reason why she’s married, and even if she’s looking it’s not like she’s a naked first-timer getting fucked for the first time. If you’re not “up to snuff”, chances are the first time you fuck her will be the last. The GOOD news is that most married lonely MILFs who are looking for love are probably ignored by their current men, meaning they’ll fuck you because they’re getting tired of just maturbating.

Your Approach

There are as many different ways to approach a MILF as there are deviant sex positions to bang her in. Unlike “girls your age”, most MILFs have already “been there and done that” and the typical cheesy pickup lines you use will have about as much effect as a stick of butter against a rolling tank. My advice would be to not be over the top, but to take a very calm approach. Compliment her on obscure things that don’t sound like a line. I remember when I was 20 talking to a 33 year old woman I worked with and my line to her was something about how impressed I was that her hair always looked lovely even though I knew the stressful day she had getting ready for work every day. The smile on her face was enough to make me want to take her out to my car’s backseat and bang her right there. I had a girlfriend at the time and was not interested in cheating, but to this day, I wonder how she would have felt from the inside. I would have loved to give that mom my cock.

Make sure you pay very close attention to her. Remember to complement subtly – you don’t need to go overboard. Touch often, even if it’s to put your hand on her leg or hold her hand. One key thing to remember is that most lonely Milfs are just DYING FOR ATTENTION. Ignored at home, they absolutely eat it up when a man takes the time to notice and be close to her.

Once kids are introduced into the equation, things can and will change. Many MILFs will introduce you to their kids in a very nonchalant fashion – have you over in the afternoon, or before a date, or meeting you at a common location. You’ll have to remember that some women are looking for their children’s next daddy, while others just want to know that you and her kids won’t fight. If you are naturally good with kids, you’ll probably have no problem, but if you’re iffy, or if you don’t like kids – just remember to be natural. Don’t try too hard because she’ll see right through you – and you’ll end up jerking off into a sock wondering what could have been.

Now You’re Ready to Date a MILF

As I mentioned, some women will want your dates to be a chance for her to relive her teen years. Take her out, put a few drinks down her throat and dance your ass off with her. Chances are if she’s reliving her youth, she’ll act like it’s a college fuck fest and fuck you so hard, you’ll think you’re in some sort of dirty cartoon 69. More likely, she’s so overworked, stressed out, and under-loved, that your best approach is a calm smooth one. Quiet dinner, drinks, walks, and movies are best.

Having a small, thoughtful gift is impressive to her as well. Better than a gift for her is one for her children. If she has a daughter, a cute stuffed animal is a great gift. For a boy, try not to lean toward anything violent, but action figures, Pokemon Cards, etc. are good choices. Again, don’t over do it since you’ll come across a disingenuous. Be funny and full of great jokes and don’t be afraid to appear “fatherly”.

Try to be as considerate as possible – hold doors, pay quiet attention to her, look in her eyes, tell her how nice her hair looks, hold her hand, and keep as much gentle, subtle contact on her as possible. You’ll have to feel her out yourself, and don’t be too timid and tentative, but the more loving and attentive you are to her (something she either isn’t getting at home or hasn’t had in a while), the quicker she’ll be to spread her legs for you.


It may not be easy, but if you’re able to figure out the type of MILF you got, the type of person she is, and how to approach her, you’ll find that dating a Milf is a phenomenal thing. The best MILFs are divorced women with kids who haven’t had the time to date and were deserted by a cheating man who paid more attention to his cock than her needs. If you make it to the point where you get to take her to bed, think “her first”. Don’t be in a hurry to get in bed and get your dick in her – try a more casual approach to lovemaking. Be sure to make her the center of attention. Remember that she’s either not with a real man or with no man at all. If she’s divorced, she’s probably in “revenge” mode and is looking to prove (to herself) that she is still desireable.

I’m telling you – if you make her feel special, she’ll be dying to fuck – you.