February 1 – 15 2001 Post Archive :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Thursday February 15, 2001

Don’t Hot Link To My Images Other Wise This Will Happen.

Old News / Forums

It’s New AOL Personal Day (5:30PM EST)Jack
Wow I logged into AOL’s personal section and they added a ton of new personals for all of us to look at. If this is your first time reading my reviews, all these girls are from Springfield MA, and are between the ages of 18-30. The reason I only review those girls is because I would actually have a chance of dating them.

sweet and sexy – What we have here is your aging good looking girl trying to pick up younger chicks. From the tiny picture that she posted, it looks like she’s had a rough life. She’s got a couple of kids and is now looking for either a rich older man to support her, or a younger one to make her feel sexy again. If you fall in one of those categories give her an email.

just looking – Just looking for what exactly? She might be hot in a different pic, but in this one, it looks like she needs her herion injection. Or maybe she just needs the hot beef injection. Of course I’m not going to be the one to give it to her. Well, maybe I would if I could see what her tits look like.

cutie looking for a a cutie – I’m still looking for the cutie in this picture. She’s cute in the Jewish sort of way. She says she looks like Donna from 90210, but she looks more like one of my ex-girlfriends.

cutielooking4u- Here’s the first semi-decent looking girl to grace the AOL pages. Now she’s no catch though, and let me point out some of the flaws in this personal. Her income is less than 20,000 and she is currently unemployed. Now I don’t make a ton of money, but I do work full time. Since this girl doesn’t have a job, guess who would be paying for each and every date…. I’ve got no problem with that, but I think it’s nice for the girl to pay everyonce and awhile.

Babygirl looking for love – Here is the first girlfriend material personal. She’s hot, employed, and drinks! All the qualities that make me attracted to a girl. A nice rack is a bonus too, but we’d need a bigger pic for that. She’s like a nurses assistant which means big bucks when she finally makes into the nurses program.

I guess that’s it for now. I’ll post some more shit if something catches my eye. Check out the message boards, the yahoo club, and this girl’s site.

Old News / Forums

Thursday’s Post (2:51PM EST)Jack
Damn as soon I posted that Pixyland site I noticed Stile had posted the exact same thing. I don’t feel like too much of a douche bag. I’m looking for some new content so take a look at the links on the left hand, and if you have a story that you think should be on the site email me.

I was cruising through the Message Boards and noticed that people were posting some of the worst Geocities pages. Everyone should sign up and post what they’ve found. I’ll make a little contest or something. Who ever finds the worst geocities page will win a T-Shirt. That’s right, I’m going to start making t-shirts shortly. I’ll post the link within the next few days. Imagine the look on your girlfriends face when she sees you wearing an IWANG.com logo on your back.

Subject: Online Chicks
Hey man, killer site. I was checking out the shit about meeting chicks off the net and well, I have a pretty good one.
I was sitting at work one day bored as all hell, so for a change, I decided to become one of those annoying bastards and hit the random button on icq. Well, the chick that it popped up lived 4 hours away, so I figured I’d say hey… little did I know that was only the start. We talked online for a few weeks, and actually, she sent me her pic on day one and I nearly got a hard on looking at it, and the personality seemed to match what I was looking at, so I let it be at that.

Sounds like a good start. Normally whenever I tried to pick up a random chick on an aol or yahoo it’s some fattie that hasn’t left the house in weeks. Most of them would rather have a bucket of KFC than a good lay.

Anyways, after a couple of weeks we started talking on the phone. Things we’re great, we both were developing some pretty strong feelings for each other so we decided we’d meet.

Strong feelings over the phone? I guess it could happen, but I really doubt it. I might get a strong feeling in my pants if I was talking to Claire Forlani or Ashley Judd, but that’s about it.

I guess it was a month or so before christmas, and on my way to pick her up from the terminal I picked up a bottle of nice wine, magnum of rum, and heh.. a box of rubbers. When I saw her in person, I nearly fainted, she was about 5’4, maybe 100 lbs, shoulder length hair, small perky tits, and a HARD body. So we stopped off at a bar and had a few drinks, and then as SOON as we got in the door at my place, she ripped both out clothes off, and well, no shit, they stayed that way from Friday night till Sunday night when she left.

Sounds like a pretty good deal. I met one chick from online and we ended up shagging. But after that it became a little too serious for me. She lived up in Boston and I was on the Cape with a girlfriend, but that didn’t stop her from coming down and “surprising” me. The wench gave me hickeys every chance she got too.

So, I guess you could say my experince with meeting girls online is pretty damn good. This girl gave me so much pussy that my entire body was WRACKED with pain from so much physical exertion for that extneded period of time. She wants to do it again….

Not too shabby…. If you’ve got a story like this one, and you want me to post it, click here. If you’ve got some experience you want to share with the world click here.

Wednesday February 14, 2001

Old News / Forums

I Just Had To Post This (8:00PM EST)Jack
So I’m looking through my referrer logs and notice a new site. It’s calledPixyland.org. I figure it’s one of 12 year old girl site with a bunch of useless updates on their middle school lives. Here’s some random quotes from his Peter Pan page.

First off, I’m 47, Divorced, and I live in Tampa Florida… just in case Tinkerbell is trying to find me! . As you can see from my photo, I’m making considerable effort and (hopefully!) having some success at staying young… maybe even childlike. So why “Peter Pan”? Although Peter pan is definitely a boy, to me this character is perfectly asexual, and in his eternal childhood rejects the idea of growing up and leaving this behind.

I’m pretty sure those are the words of a raging homosexual. If you need more proof, just take a look at these pictures. Do they look like a straight man? I’m pretty sure all doubts of this guy’s heterosexuality are gone now. Now I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your own home, but once you’re out on the street dressing up like Peter Pan, and subjecting kids my son’s age, to your homosexual stuff, it goes a little too far. Check out some more of his gay galleries. Little Lord Fauntlerouyand there’s plenty of others. This might be a joke or whatever, but if not, it’s one of the sickest things I’ve seen in awhile. I guess this is another guy that we can spam for now. Too bad he doesn’t have a guestbook or anything. Good job on shutting down the Hindu’s!

Quick Link: The Inept

Old News / Forums

Addicted To These Retarded Things (7:09PM EST)Jack
I love these image gallery things. Check out the new Bikini Image Gallerysome good pics up there. The nasty chick finally showed her titties on the Yahoo Club, if you’re daring, log in and check her out in the photos section. I sure it’s just some loser posting ugly girl pics that he found on the internet somewhere, but it’s still good for a laugh.

Speaking of laughs, I was watching MTV earlier today and a video for some boy band came on. Normally that shit lasts about a second before my hand reaches for the remote and changes it to something with a little more testosterone. But for some reason my eyes, and ears were in disbelief. It was a video for O-Town, some boy-band that was actually made by having a contest. They filmed the whole contest “Real World” style and showed it on MTV a couple weeks ago. So these 5 or 6 losers are now “pop sensations”. I think all of this proves how fucking ridiculous our country is. Two months ago these douche bags were no names, and now their the hot shit. Well, I think it’s my time to be discovered. I want millions of chicks hanging my poster on their walls, and getting all hot and bothered over.

My day will come some day. I know it will. It’s only a matter of time. In the meantime check out these time wasters.

– Punogre – Purely Insane – Tamut – Am I a Hot Babe – Wicked Pissa Cool – ZGeek – Drinking Hard – Hacker Network – Falkware – The Campus Rag –

Old News / Forums

Jen Lopez, I’m Available! (2:45PM EST)Jack
It looks like Jen Lopez and Puffy finally announced that they split up. That mean Jen’s fine booty is ready to taken by a new man. Namely me. I think me and Jen would be perfect together. I’d take her shopping at K-Mart, and get her the finest clothes $50 could buy. After that it would be dinner at McDonalds followed by her lounging around my house naked. I think she’d be down for it, how bout you?

In other news today, some girl asked me out. Normally this would be a good thing, but this girl isn’t what you would say, hot. She’s nice so I did say yes, but I’m not sure if I’m going to follow through with the date. I’ll just have to ignore her for the next few days or so. It’ll be tough for her to forget about me, but I’m sure she will.

On the other hand I have a date with a pretty hot chica tonight. This girl’s smart, beautiful, and hopefully not psycho. Some of the nicest girls end up being the most psychotic though. Well, back to my little date tonight. I did the normal romantic thing, flowers, chocolate, and I got her one of her favorite movies. It’s some dance movie, Center Stage, I think. So that should be my fun for tonight.

On the Devon front, I didn’t show up for my court appearance. I haven’t seen Devon at school, my work, or anywhere else. It seems like this problem solved itself. No more menacing phone calls, notes, or dead rats nailed to my door. I really hope she gets her stuff together soon, cause the next guy she goes out with probably wont take this shit as well as I did. So watch out guys, there’s a psycho on the loose.

Here’s Some Eye Candy For Valentine’s Day

Old News / Forums

A Story (2:32PM EST)Jack
Here’s a nice little story for all you guys on Valentine’s Day. Too bad it’s full of shit. Sounds like your average Urban Legend.

From: Some Guy
Subject: Story
A friend of mine was seeing this girl for about three years.. They were highschool sweethearts that decided to keep their relationship real while they went to different schools. He would visit her every weekend and they would spend the weekend with eachother. As you can figure out already he had learned that she was cheating on him during the week with a guy she met in class. When he confronted her she denied but the truth finally came out. The relationship ended. This bitch of a girl decided she would mess with his mind so She took a picture of herself giving her new boyfriend a blow job and sent it to him in the mail. My pal didnt come out of his dorm room for about a week. He was a mess, But then he came up with a great idea. He took the picture of his slut girlfriend giving this guy head and went downstairs to the girls rooms. He had a friend of his write on the bottom of the picture. ” Hi Mom and Dad, Having a great time here at school. Thanks for paying my tuition. ” The next day he sent the picture to her parents. Lets just say she didnt continue her higher education at that school anymore.

Yeah it’s a great little story, and it might have happened some time in the past. But it sure didn’t happen to your friend. The whole premise of mailing a photo to the girl’s parents has been around a long time before any of us were. I think it would be hilarious, and it’s a great revenge tactic, but try and do some homework before getting me to believe any of it.

Tuesday February 13, 2001

Old News / Forums

Didn’t Really Have Anything To Post (7:43PM EST)Jack
But this graphic was too cool to leave sitting on my computer. Check out the new Natalie Portman gallery and send me some email.

Old News / Forums

Looks Like Some One’s Having Fun (6:32PM EST)Jack
Check out that Indian’s Guestbook looks like he forgot to turn HTML off. Stupid guy. I don’t think it’s so wrong to make fun of this guy. He brought it upon himself.

So who’s got some good stories for me to read? You know those stories about how some girl cheated on you and then chopped off your penis and threw it out the window of the car… I want to hear some details. Ladies, email your stories about some of the things you’ve made guys do in order to get in your pants. Or anything else you want to share with the internet community. And post on the message boards too!

– Article 1 – Article 2 – Article 3 – Article 4 – Article 5 – Article 6 – Article 7 –

Old News / Forums

It’s Time For a New Hobby (3:14PM EST)Jack
I think I’ll take up Golf. It seems like it would be nice and relaxing. Totally better than playing football again. When I was in high school we never had a football team. It’s only track and soccer…. But of course my senior year was when football finally got introduced. By that time I was getting ready for college and was not even close to wanting to play school sports any more. Who knows, if football was there from the very beginning, I might have been a star. I could run like the wind and no one could catch me. Too bad my talents were wasted running from the police.

From: Scott
Subject: she’s a cheater
Laura Caron, Those two words will bring me pain for the rest of my life. The short story: Laura and I started dating in college. Over the years we had our ups and downs. I had faith in her and trusted her. in the spring of 1998 I asked her to marry me. She said she needed some time to think it through.

That should be the first sign that something is wrong right there. First off, when I ask some chick to marry me, I’m going to make sure she says yes. None of this maybe or I have to think about it crap. If she pulls any of that, I’ll drop her like a bad habit.

During the summer – She was going to a photography workshop in Baltimore. We agreed that I would stay at her house while she was gone. On the day she was to return I was making a really nice dinner for her when the phone rang. Since it was not my house I let it go to the machine. Well, what I hadn’t planned on was that the sound was up and I could hear the message. It was her photography instructor from the workshop calling! He was leaving a message about great the sex was and how he couldn’t stop thinking about her!

Holy shit! This girl’s a dumbass. Any good cheater knows to not leave any evidence of the cheating that’s going on. She should have told the professor point blank not to leave any messages.

I was really mad at this point. So I called the airport where I knew she would be and had her paged. She picked up the phone and I asked her point blank about this guy and the phone message. She lied for everything she was worth. “Nothing happened, we’ll talk when I get home.” She shows up at her house – She says it’s all a big misunderstanding. Nothing happened. She swears. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. But later that night, I was having trouble sleeping so I went out into the living room. On the floor was the pile of her stuff from the trip. At the top of the pile was her notebook from the class about scenery, class notes etc. So I picked it up and started paging through the notes. Only to discover that she had actually made notes about her sex with this guy! Boy did I feel stupid. I took the notebook and walked into her room and woke her up. I tossed the book into her lap and told her I was very hurt by her choices here. She cried. She cried and cried and cried.

The female’s number one weapon…. Tears can get them whatever they want, but once they’ve cheated, those tears don’t have the effect that they used to.

Said she was so sorry. The problem was, now I was feeling pretty sure she had been doing these kinds of things behind my back all along. For good reason, if you live in Santa Monica, CA avoid this woman! Laura Caron, 6ft tall, blonde, dangerous!

So do you really want to get back at her? Send some naked pictures of her or something. I’m sure Laura Caron would be glad to have her tits shown all over the net…. If you’ve got some good break-up stories, or anything else, give me an email.

Old News / Forums

garageDogs are Back (12:37PM EST)Jack

Some garageDogs advertisement.
Feb 17 at the TT the Bear’s PUNK SHOW

This will also be Wide Iris’ CD release party. We have one show after this, but seeing as this is the last rock venue we will play, this will be the last time to catch the dogs in all their rockin glory….. TT the Bears is located on the corner of Brookline St and Mass Ave in Central Square

WE HAVE NOT YET REPEATED A SONG IN BOSTON Since Jan 1, 2001! Now, here’s the contest: sometimes we forget what we have played. If you catch us repeating a song beginning tonight and ending when we leave town, we will buy you all the beer you can drink*+

* (studies show that all the beer you can drink is equal to 1 beer)
+ The first person to catch us repeating a song will get the free beer

Old News / Forums

Today Is a Good Day (12:13PM EST)Jack
What a great day it is today. Got the refund check from Uncle Sam, and paid off all my credit card debt. I love going to college, it sets me up with a fat refund. And in other great news, I got these pics in my Inbox.

– For Jack 1 – For Jack 2 – For Jack 3 –

If you’re a chick and want to send me more pictures like that. You know the drill. It looks like Hindu boy got a little pissed at me and made some gay little page. He also deleted all the great posts that you made on his guestbook. It was pretty funny while it lasted. Can’t any one take a joke?

In less, or maybe more, exciting news, some chick is planning on stripping for my Yahoo Club this is what she posted on the message boards there.

I just found out that my husband has been going to strip bars to watch other women. I was quite hurt, so I asked him if he wanted me to strip in front of other men. He said no because he knew I didn’t have the nerve to do it (which is probably true). Of course this made me even madder, so I’m going to show him. I’m using his account so that he will eventually find out that I am going to strip for you. Help me out by commenting as I post my pics. I’m really nervous because no one but him has ever seen me naked. I’ll post a couple of pics at a time and you comment. If it looks like you want to see more (and I keep my nerve) then I’ll post more. Please help me do this.

So I log into the club to see what this chick looks like naked. I figure it’s going to be some fake model’s pictures or something retarded like that. When the picture loads I see one of the ugliest girls wearing some granny lingerie. No wonder her husband didn’t want her to strip, she’s so ugly she could haunt a house. I figure everyone on the board is going to rank her hardcore, but this guy replies back to her message.

Ok, show us more, this is going to be exciting! How about getting real naked? That’ll show your husband! Be sure and show us your naked titties, and how about some pussy shots? I am jacking-off right now thinking about your naked body. So please, please show me more, my cock is jumping out of my hand. I could down-load your photos and jack off to them whenever. Do you want to hear more about my masturbating for you?

Holy fuck this guy must be desperate. Dude you have to have some self control. It’s not like the girl is hot, and it’s probably a scam of some sort. So put your willie back in your pants and just chill out. To see what the girl looks like, join the yahoo club. If you get an access denied error message, log into your yahoo account, and do a search for ‘Watch Me Strip’. Since it’s an adult club, you have to log in first sometimes.

Monday February 12, 2001

Old News / Forums

Russian Brides Are On My Jock! (8:00PM EST)Jack

From: Russian Hooker
Subject: your personal ad
I read your site and thought I would introduce myself. My name is Jane, I sent you a photo of me so you know what I look like. I’m office manager here in St. Petersburg, Russia for International Introduction agency, it ‘s American company in Phoenix, Arizona.

She looks pretty do-able. Look at the huge honker on her though… Kind of like an Uma Thurman nose. It’s not like you fuck the nose, so who really cares. If you guys are in Arizona why are you emailing some kid in Western Massachusetts. I know you’re are just sending out Spam email, but c’mon, let’s at least be a little real. What would some Russian bride do out here in the sticks any ways.

The reason I’m writing you is I know many of the women on our service personally, who are searching for someone special. Some are very good friends of mine. I think you may find who you are looking for right here in St. Petersburg. The women here are very attractive, very feminine, well educated and have great interest in family. Many speak English. They have a very hard time finding good men here. Most men here are not interested in serious relationships, and many drink much alcohol. I know they really want to meet someone.

What do you think goes on here? I drink just about every chance I get and I aint going to stop for some Russian bride. I’m wicked glad the women are feminine, I don’t want no man bride.

I am not sure if you ever imagined looking to Russia for the perfect lady, but I think if you look at some of the photos and read about some of the women you will find it very interesting. I have seen hundreds of American men come here and find happiness so I know it works. Here is a link to our site (site removed so they don’t get hits) Of course since I am office manager in St. Petersburg I think you should start with women of St. Petersburg, but there are also women from all around the world who want to meet someone. If you would like us to send you a free tour brochure with more information, and more photos of women and information about coming to St. Petersburg to meet these beautiful women, you can click here.

I really hope this helps in your search for your special someone, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed. If you need any help please feel free to E-mail me back at jane@loveme.spb.ru Hope to see you in St. Petersburg sometime, Jane

Old News / Forums

Valentine’s Day Is Right Around the Corner (6:35PM EST)Jack
So what’s everyone doing for Valentine’s Day? I plan on just laying low, getting out of class early, and finding some drunk slut at the bar that night. You know that day is the one of the best one’s to try and get laid.

On an average night I could probably pick up a girl who’s like a 7 or 8. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I really don’t pick up too many ugly girls. My exceptions have been when I was extremely drunk, and since I don’t remember it too well, it doesn’t count.

Oh yeah so back on how to score on Valentine’s day. Don’t go to the strip club. Now I like titties as much as the next guy, but I’m not going to hit the club on a night where there are lonely females around. For the price of a couple of drinks and maybe a lap dance, I could set up a pretty nice tab at the local bar. If I go to the strip club, I might see some tits, but I’m sure as hell aint going to to get laid.

When you hit the bar you’ll notice a lot of desperate women who are just looking for love. This is your chance to swoop in and make them see you for who you really are. Not the insensitive jerk that’s only looking for a piece of ass… Show her the guy who likes flowers and Dirty Dancing. On V-Day this shit will get you in, and on the day after you can just go back to being the asshole. Trust me, it works everytime.

Old News / Forums

Oh No! I’m in trouble (5:27PM EST)Jack
Looks like I pissed off some one…..

From: Indian Dude
Subject: take this!
jack, your comments about me was enough for me to realise that u r the biggest looser on earth……. that’s it………and i care a damn about your shit…… and u writing about my religion was cheap man………..it’ll get u no-where……… harry

I’m sooo sorry, I didn’t know a little ribbing would get you all pissed off. Well posting the link to your guestbook and asking everyone to spam it probably wouldn’t make you any happier would it?? So check it out and see how popular this guy really is. He must be the mack daddy cause he gets all the women posting on his site.

To have fun spamming a message board click here: http://www.stormloader.com/haresh/guestbook.html

Old News / Forums

Forums Should Be Working Again (1:03PM EST) Jack
Click HERE for the new message board.

Old News / Forums

Always Something Interesting Going On (12:18PM EST)Jack
It seems like there’s never a dull moment in my life.

From: Skinfo
Subject: interview with you
I’m one of the editors of a site called The Criminal Profiling/Serial Killer Info site
One of my co-editors came upon your site and was stunned when she concluded that you have the exact same profile as a serial killer.
You’re white, male, in your twenties, loner, addicted to porn, no girlfriend, wet your bed as a kid, hateful, pyromaniac as a kid, bash people for no reason, tortured animals as a kid, reject those who contact you and want to be your friend. You also have the most common name for a serial killer which is Jack. The list goes on and on and on and on.
One of my co-editors surmises (correctly) that you use your site to find new gay lovers.
We would like to do an interview with you for our site. Thanks for your help.

Wow, that’s the first time I’ve been called a serial killer. Well, let’s see what type of questions this guy has to ask me.

What is your first memory as a child? I remember being in love with my pre-school teacher. She had some of the nicest tits I’ve ever seen. I actually ran into her a couple years ago, and she was still a hot broad.

Were you a bully in school? Nah, not really. I wasn’t a wuss or anything, but I never really picked up kids to much. Well, maybe I made fun of a few fat kids, but that’s about it.

If you found a package with $ 54,000 in it, what would you do? Go get me a couple of hot chicks, tons of booze, and have a nice whole some threesome.

How many fights have you engaged in during your life time? Two fights, and I lost both of them.

Do you enjoy violent movies? Define violent. I like horror movies, action movies, and pretty much everything else.

Do you ever view yourself as more than human (i.e., a proto-superman)? Of course, I’m the smartest man alive!

Do you consider Satan to be all powerful? Nope, I could kick his ass in a street fight.

If you were alone on a desert island with a hobo, would the hobo be safe? Probably, I don’t have anything against homeless people.

Have you ever drank malt liquor? Yep. It was one time at college and I had two dollars to my name. Me and a buddy bought a six pack, and almost puked after drinking one.
Have you ever kicked an animal like a dog? Nope, I love animals.

Do you seek revenge against those who do you wrong? Nope, I just make sure that their life is a living hell afterward.

If your ego could take a solid form, would it be so great that it had its own gravitational field or would it be as small as a quark? What a dumb fucking question.

How many miles each year do you put on your car? 20,000

Do you have a short fuse/temper? Nope, I’m so mellow, nothing bothers me.

Do you avoid contact with humans? Only the ugly ones.

How many hours do you spend on the internet? A day? At least 7 hours.

I’d link these guys, but the questions were pretty dumb, and their site is pretty lame. So check out Slap Ass instead.

Old News / Forums

What a Good Beginning To The Week (12:00AM EST)Jack
So I go to check my email and there’s like 40 of them from the whiney Angry Girl. She’s bitching because she got beat up or something. Why don’t you go read her gay little story. Man, and some people say I make up shit. Check her out and see her stupid site. She’s not a good sport like Dawn Marie or the Bad Ass Chicks. Can’t any one take a joke anymore??

From: Some Indian Dude
Subject: hey jack….
hey jack, i’ve been a fan of your site since a long time now………… and i have also linked u on my web-pages……(a small one though)…….. whenever i log on to the net, i do pay a visit to your site……….. it’s fun to read the stuff u put in and the links to the kewl pic’s……… it would be nice of u to fill in my guest book………and probably a mention about my site on ur web-page…….. that’s it for now buddy……….. the redirect is:

All these links blow goats. I hate this guy so much and I want to see his page totally shut down. It’s one of the ugliest things on the net and makes me physically ill to click through it.

(i have written about u in the middle buddy)

You’re not by buddy you Hindu piece of shit. Stop emailing and stop looking at my site. You’re just as bad as Angry Girl. For reals people if you’re going to email me, at least make it interesting. There’s nothing worse than opening my mailbox and getting a bunch of crap. So send me good stuff! I want naked pictures of girls, pictures with my name on some girls tits, and funny pictures!

Sunday February 11, 2001

Old News / Forums

Top Referring Links For Last Week (4:38PM EST)Jack

1. I Love Bacon

2. School of Ass

3. Shock Comics

4. Jiggin

5. Dgnr8

More Shameless Plugs: – Punogre- Campus Rag- Some Idiot-Payback Productions- Rebel Alliance- Snow Surfer- American Jackass-

Old News / Forums

I Love Bacon! (4:11PM EST)Jack
Holy crap they can send a ton of hits!! I think it was something like a 1000 in one day. Check them out and, and thanks again! So I’ve got a bunch of emails that I have to answer, so let’s get right to it!

From: the dude
Subject: w00t!
Hey Jack,
Just thought I’d drop you a line to talk up your site a bit. I ended up at your site one day while I was mindlessly clicking the featured links on chimptopia, and I’ve been back every now and then ever since to check it out. I know it’s cliched, but keep up the good work.. you’ve got some funny ass content happening there. Your site will be on the recommended link bar at http://secondrate.org/ within the next week (or as soon as I can be bothered kicking the webmaster in the ass), so we’ll be sending some traffic your way soon.

Thanks for the link. I love it when people voluntarily put a link up instead of begging for a link exchange. If you like the site, awesome! But if you’re just looking for a free plug, don’t come running to me.

It’s great to see someone out there doing something different for a change.

I’m not how this site is different from every other E/N site out there. I basically just tell what’s going on in my life. Sure, some things happen to me which are kind of interesting to read about. But in general my life is as exciting as watching paint dry.

From: Tim
whats up man
well, you got a nice site. I used to have websites on various stuff too, like just stuff, warez, and my life, and I too get sick of those stupid lamers you bitch at you for no reason and talk shit, but anyways, if ya got some spare time to answer me a question or help me out that’d be awesome. Im a Junior in high school and theres this girl i like. I dated her over christmas break for like 2 days. we broke up b/c we dissagreed on some things.

Sounds like a great relationship. Two days long and you’re already fighting. I’ve taken shits that lasted longer than that.

Well, after another g/f went by, i like her again, and she has this sort of attachtment to her ex boyfriend who she lost her virginity too. and he comes back from north carolina sometimes to stop in town (up in Ohio) to visit his friends and see her. Well, I sorta have the same situation, My ex (like 5 girls ago) we did the same thing, and we’ve talked and still done the same thing up to this present time. were attached too. but we would never date again. and neither would the girl i like and her ex either. so, i know that if i were to date the girl i like again, i wouldnt do things with my ex while i was dating her. But im not too sure she would stop doing things with her ex. So i dont know if i should get into it or not.

Sure dude, why don’t you become a sucker and hook up with this chick. She’s obviously not even close to being over her ex-boyfriend, and the second he asks her back out, you’ll be on the curb holding your dinky in your hands. Sound like the right thing to do? Why don’t you just hook up with the chick instead of getting in a relationship again? Hang out, have some laughs, and just chill with the whole boyfriend / girlfriend stuff. Life’s too short to be tied to one girl while you’re young.

From: Chris
Subject: story
I know I don’t know you, just I like your site, it fuckin rocks, and Claire Forlani is fuckin hot. Well anyway, I know you often post stories and shit, so here is a little ditty that is happening to me.

My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago, now I have gone out with chicks since then, but no nookie, most have only been first dates, and the chick either was uglier than Janet Reno in a House of Mirrors, or she was tighter than the Virgen Mary on a Sunday, but I digress.

I totally know where you’re coming from. Entering the dating scene after being in a relationship can be the most painful experience in the world.

The best thing about my relationship with this chick was the Oral Sex, I mean this girl sucked like a Hoover with a V8 strapped to it. I mean she was talented, and the sex wasn’t bad, but it couldn’t compare to the Oral. So I get this call from her the other day, and we started talking, and I jokingly bring up that we should be “Friends with Favors”. (Incase you are familiar with that term here is a deffination : I still get her to play with my balls, but can actually date other chicks). And she basically agree’s to this.

Oh you have so much to learn. I was in one those type of relationships, and although it seems great at first, its way too complicated. Although you think you’ll have free reign of your life, you’ll still be under her control. I truthfully believe there’s no such thing as “friends with benefits.” Only ex-girlfriends trying to get you back in their life.

I was happier than a monkey with a Rocketpack, cause I thought only porno movies have shit like this. Anyway, I start thinking, and I come to the reason we broke up. She is a bitch, and I am not talking about your run of the mill average bitch, I am talking Lucifer, Father of Darkness evil. I mean 3 hours with this girl, and the pope would slit his wrists. So the problem is this, I want the fantastic blow jobs, but not her. Fuckin women man, fuckin woman.

Exactly! She’ll end up sucking you back in, not just sucking your dick.

***Just as a side note, I love to write articles and shit, so if you found this at all funny, and want me to do more, with all the crazy shit I have experienced just let me know***

No doubt. All reader contributions can be sent to this address. On a little side note though. All contributions become my property, and I’ll do whatever I feel like with them. Plus I wont give them back!

Saturday February 10, 2001

Old News / Forums

New Stuff (2:28PM EST)Jack
Everyone has been begging for a pic of my kid, so here you go. He’s a cute little bastard huh? I’m going to raise him up just like his daddy. So we’ve got some Wind Advisory going down out here, and the power could bail at any moment. I’ll have to brave the windy streets to go out tonight, but it’s worth it.

Check out Sex Toon. It’s a pay site, but you can see some of the samples they got online. I’m signed up for a couple of mailing lists, and their shit always cracks me up.

You guys have to listen to this. It’s a couple of guys recording an Arnold answering machine message. It’s now the new message on my answering machine too. I think it’s pretty funny, but judge for yourself. If you’ve got anymore Arnold stuff, give me an email.

Also some big thanks goes out to Star Dog Radio. They made a little commercial for this site. Although the URL they give out is the wrong one, it’s still pretty damn cool.

Old News / Forums

Breakfast, It’s Wicked Important (12:52PM EST)Jack
I had a phat breakfast this morning. I really love bacon! Holy shit that guy gave me a ton if hits in the last couple of days. Tonight should be fun night. I’ve got a date with a “good girl.” Normally I’m not attracted to the whole good girl image, but this girl is different. It should be a good experience for me.

Most of the girls I’ve gone out with have not the best choices for me. It’s time to start looking for girls that are intelligent, funny, and most of all smoking hot! No more bad choices like Devon, and most of the other girls I’ve gone out with. I’ve had some winners in my life, and now it’s time to settle down and land a nice girl.

So Veronica is back posting on the Campus Rag. I like this chick cause she’s down with the whole Fight Club thing. Most girls I know hate that movie and wont even sit through the first 10 minutes. Also I was checking out Xeres today and couldn’t help but notice all the hot chicks he’s got there on the front page. Maybe I’ll email them today and see if they want to be on my cam portals.

I’m not really feeling to creative right now, so I’ll leave you with some of my favorite links. I’m sure by the end of the day I’ll something cool for you to feast your eyes on. But for now just check out these signs.

– Campus Rag – Bad Ass Mofo – I Love Bacon – Stile Project – Ernies House of Whoopass – X- Entertainment –

Old News / Forums

No I Did Not Die (2:49AM EST) Jack
But this chick probably wishes I did. The stupid girl sent me like 11 emails exactly like this one.

From: One Angry Girl
I AM ASKING YOU TO REMOVE YOUR OFFENSIVE CRAP “Her site blows, and I bet she does too. Probably doesn’t swallow though.”

I think that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever written.

I would call you a misogynist pig, but big words like that probably just go over your head.

Nah baby, I’m down with a little pillow talk before we get nasty…..

I would post what a major dreg you are on my site, but spite doesn’t do any thing for me.

Buy a fucking book, will you? Get a fucking hobby, you pathetic excuse for a human being.

I think you’re the one who needs a hobby. You took the time to write this worthless email, and then resend it 11 times.


Nope, here’s another link!

Wednesday February 7, 2001

Old News / Forums

This is the Stuff I Deal With (10:41PM EST)Jack
As much as I love getting viewer mail there comes a time when it just gets a little overwhelming. It’s never hot chicks wanted to shag me it’s usually some one begging for a link, or just someone wanting to complain.

From: Ridnlow7@aol.com
Subject: look here fag
look here u damn fag. i contacted cuz u seemed like a straight guy and thought maybe i could get some help from u and in return hook you up with some stuff,

What could you actually hook me up with?? Your site looks like shit, your girlfriend is a cow, and you can’t even write english. I don’t think there’s anything you can offer me that I don’t already have.

but no, you are the biggest piece of shit i have met and i dont want my damn link on your site. I didnt even come to u for that, and you sayin my girl is ugly??? hahahahaha thats some funny shit you gay lamer. You sit on your computer probably 19 hours out of the day lookin at pics of girls you will never have jerkin your chicken and going to a college for retards. Your the man let me tell you.And my lame 20,000 dollar college is gonna be giving me the chance to work with pixar ,dreamworks ect.

Riiigggghtt…. When they make Toy Story 3 I’m sure your name will be there.

what about your retard college. ya you will get a pretty rolled up certificate saying how much of a dumbass you are gettin hired by small lame ass companies in your town maken maybe 20,000 a year while ill be maken 60,000 and up,

Wow $60,000…. I guess Dreamworks pays as well as working in the IT field.

and i never said that site i have up for my girl was the shit. I do remember saying i needed someone who knew html sooo bite me.So keep talkin your shit and beatin your meat in front of the computer cuz thats all your ever gonna do.

anthony aka ~~**Imbetterthanyou**~~

This is the thanks I get for linking his little site. Man you would think that people would be a little more thankful. Please email this douche bagtell him what a fag he is. I’ve got nothing against the guy, but c’mon… that girl is so ugly she could haunt a house. I’d rather be beating my meat then slipping her the meat injection!

From: Dawn Marie
Subject: hello little man….
Actually this isn’t a letter to berate you for your poor reviewing skills on my site – but actually to thank you for all the hits I am receiving for it. In the past twenty minutes i have gotten 30 hits off your site – and you just put up that article not too long ago. I was at first angy at what you had written (no, wait.. just mildly ticked) – but i looked through some of your site and I like your cynical attitude (it reminds me of my own) so I let it go.

Dawn seems like a pretty cool chick. At least she doesn’t take this whole thing seriously and get all bitter about it. The internet is just for fun, and should be taken with a grain of salt.

(I don’t know how much of my site you visited – but I WISH i got the offers of sex that you seem to think that i get.)

Hey baby if you’re giving it up, I’ll be waiting on the bed for you. Just lose that little angel costume before hopping in the sac with me.

You say that you are looking for more cams to put on your portal – i noticed that you didn’t have any requirements – so I was hoping that my measley cam site would make the cut. I see that you didn’t mind putting up other cam sites that you thought less than perfect. I have a sleepcam as well if you wanted to post it.

Depends what you wear when you slip under those covers. I dont want to see no granny panties or night gowns. All women should hop in bed topless and wearing thongs. I want easy access if I get the urge for a 3 AM poke.

let me know – and thanx again

Tell you what. I’ll put you in my cam portal if you make a sign with my name or URL. If you’re serious about being on the site you’ll do something for me first.


Old News / Forums

I’m Back (6:49PM EST)Jack
Ha ha all you girls that though IWANG had gone down!!! We’re back and badder than ever. Big thanks goes out to the people over at Bla-bla. Don’t know where I would be without them. Probably still getting an internal server error. Well, all that is fixed and I’m ready to start posting again.

Every single IM has been, “Did you get the restraining order?!?!”. I just want to share how messed up our legal system is in this day and age. Some jerk off emailed me saying I could never get a court appearance the next day and that I was lying about the whole thing. Well, he’s right about one thing, you can’t get a court appearance the next day. You have to wait the whole morning in the court room waiting for all the other cases to finish up before going on to the restraining order hearings. I was there from 9:00AM till past 1:00PM. No lunch breaks, no cigarettes, no hot chicks either!!!

The whole time that I’m there, I’m looking around the courtroom seeing if Devon is going to show up. I figured she was going to sneak up behind me and shank me right in the courthouse, but when they called me up the see the judge, she was no where in sight.

As soon as the woman judge opened her mouth, I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere. The judge asked how I knew Devon and I told her that we met at school. I told her we had known each other for a little bit and then started going out. I never mentioned the site or anything like that. As I’m stating my case to the judge, she’s giving me the biggest evil eye in the world. So I give her all the details, and tell her about my kid and that I’m worried about him too. I thought I made a convincing case, but the judge thought otherwise.

Points Why The Judge Said I Wasn’t Going To Get a Restraining Order.

1. She Knew Devon!! How messed up is that!! The judge knows like her whole family and said she couldn’t give a fair and unbiased judgment. So forget all the evidence and my testimony, just give Devon a break because she’s a family friend.

2. They Don’t Know If Devon Got Served. So the courthouse couldn’t get word on whether Devon was served the restraining order papers the day before the court case. So now I have to suffer because the cops couldn’t track down some 22 year old girl.

3. I Didn’t Show Enough Proof Unless I show proof that Devon is going to be physically violent with me, I don’t really have grounds for a restraining order. So I have to wait until Devon comes at me with a knife or a gun before I can get a restraining order.

Well, the judge took a little pity on my soul, and granted a one week restraining order. So Devon is out of my hair for one week, and I have to go back next Tuesday for another meeting with another judge. Stupid country and it’s stupid judicial system. I guess it does mean that I’ll be posting for another week, but after that, who knows. Maybe Devon will be coming after me.

Links: Alcoholic Adventures – Hacker Network – Gore Zone – Fat Ass Chicks – Flat Ass Chick – Dirty Ass Chicks – Naked Ass Chicks –

Is Bron a guy or a girl. I’m still not totally sure. Oh wait!! After clicking on the links page which besides being filled with some crappy animated gifs, there was a Gay Pride banner or something. So I guess Bron is a girl after all. Looks like a pretty manly chick to me. I’d post her email address here, but she’s got a pretty stern warning down at the bottom of her page warning that any hate mail will be forwarded to the appropriate webmaster. So I better watch out. Ah forget it, email the lesbian.

Tuesday February 6, 2001

Old News / Forums

Some Sites I’ve Found Recently (12:07AM EST)Jack
I was cruising through Losers.org and decided to check out the girls section. I want to change around the cam section a little bit and I figured I could find a ton of girls that had cams and didn’t mind being made fun of a little bit. Well I didn’t exactly find any new web cam girls, but I did find some sites that everyone might find interesting. Or maybe you’ll find them extremely boring. Maybe you wont even finish reading this and have already click on some random link to another site where you’ll be much more entertained.

Dawn Marie – I’m not sure how I feel about this chick. In some pictures she looks pretty hot and totally do-able. In others though….. let’s just say a six-pack wouldn’t really do the trick. There’s not a lot of content on the site, because who wants to hear some chick babble on about there daily life. It must be sooooo hard turning down sex EVERY SINGLE day.

One Angry Girl – I don’t think I’ve heard any one bitch so much on one page. The first entry in her blog is her complaining about her free web host. Now I know girls like to complain about the littlest things, but it’s FREE!! Her site blows, and I bet she does too. Probably doesn’t swallow though.

Bad Ass Chicks – I wish I could get to see this site, but it must have known I’m a guy or something. When I went to the main page, it just said only Fat Ass Chicks allowed. So if you’re a Roseanne type of woman, this site is for you.

Bathtub Girl – Girls in bathtubs. Do I need to say more……

Send me more girl sites……

Monday February 5, 2001

Old News / Forums

Douche Bags (10:56PM EST)Jack
Man I post my email address all the people come out of the woodwork.

From: Phude
Subject: Greetings and Salutations…..
I am the webmaster for http://www.phudefactor.com/ and am writing you because I have been a fan of your site for a while. I enjoy the reading and all that follows. I am also hoping that we may do a link exchange. I am starting a new page on my site just for links and am seeing whom all are interested? If you are please e-mail me back with the link of your button,sitename,domain, etc or what you want the link to say.

Why would you need me to give you the address for the site? Didn’t you just visit it and email me? Unless you’re maybe just sending out mass emails to every site that you visit.

In return please inform me of where my link is on your page and/or where it will be for trusting people nowadays for things this simple is still too hard for people.

No offense dude, but you don’t sound like a brain surgeon yourself.

I assure you if you are interested, you will see your link up tomorrow. If you are not interested keep up the good work so I and others may keep enjoying your site. I look forward to your reply. I thankyou, and appreciate your time.


The pleasure is all mine. I guess you can check out his site. It’s nothing special, kinda looks like everyother geocities/aol/tripod site. Actually who the fuck am I to talk…. my site’s made in Front Page.

I got three emails from this douche bag.

From: Ridnlow7@aol.com
hay jack,,you got a very good thing going on here. i have enjoyed reading all the articles on here and the pictures. well i see that you have been askin for alot of gifs and shit like that.well i am currently a student at the Art Institute Of Ft.lauderdale where i am studying computer animation.i have may animation programs and illistrators.How bout we make a deal. since i need to pratice this shit 24/7 how bout if you agree to help me out on maken my website to be viewed by thousands and to make alitte cash.

Ok, you just mentioned cash. You’re a douche bag if you think you’ll make any money by making a web page. Especially one on an Angelfire free site.

i will sit here on my free time and make shit up for u. sound good or no?


and i see that u have done your site up really well and the site im doing right now for me and my girlfriend is lookin oooo k but i would like to be able to have more interaction witht he people that come to my site. me and my girl have made pages to where we tell our thoughts and talk about our feelings ect..all that type of shit.and i think it will let other see the prob.

Speak English you fucking idiot. If you take the time to write an email. Take the time to use the spell check. At least try and make it readable.

we go through and will help them out. and i , like you, am a total female lover. i dig females so much. and i have a couple of website u should visit but ill give thoughs to you later.Well hay man. If we play our shit right.

What the hell are you talking about? I’m playing cards, and I really don’t care about your thoughts on girls. If I wanted advice from pre-school kids I’d hang out at my sister’s school.

By the time i graduate im gonna be the man you know.so we should keep talkin cuz u need graphics, and i need some one that knows html.well get at me when u can man and check out my site www.angelfire.com/al3/SS/index.html yours truly

You’re not going to be the man, you’re going to be the same dumbass that you are now. The only thing that will be different is that you spent $20,000 on an education that I learned at Designs By Mark.

anthony AKA ~~**Mysterio**~~
anthony AKA ~~**Faggot**~~

I also had the pleasure of talking to this kid. I was going to post the conversation, but I don’t really want to waste the space now. He said he wanted to make graphics but I’d have to post the link to his site first. Well, here’s your link tough guy, let’s see the shit you come up with. From the looks of his girlfriend, he doesn’t seem to have good taste.

Banner contributed by: designer/drummer/badass/alcoholic

Old News / Forums

Restraining Orders and Other Useless Shit (7:04PM EST)Jack
So I promised you an update on me and Devon, and what happened between us. I wish I could say it was an amicable break-up, but I’d have to say this is one of the worst ones I’ve been involved in.

So on Saturday I call Devon up and tell her that it’s over between us. At first she begs and pleads for me not to dump her, but I held my ground and didn’t let her convince me to change my mind. She thought the only reason I was doing it was because of the site. I told her it wasn’t just because of the site, there were many other things. After about an hour of listening to her cry, I couldn’t take it anymore. I hung up the phone and thought that was the end of it.

So later on that night I go to get the beers out of my car and notice a note on the windshield. Devon had driven her ass out to my house wrote this two page story and had taken off. I guess I’m pretty lucky she didn’t smash the windshield in. So I read this novel and basically just throw it out. Maybe I’ll scan the thing and post it here. Well, I’m getting off track….

So the next day I’m getting out of work and guess who is there? Just take one guess… So she pretty much tells me that I can’t break up with her, and that I’m the only one for her. You know the basic “please don’t leave me! you were so good in bed and I’ll never be fullfilled by anyone else!!” speech. I told her it was final and not to come by the work again. She then runs into my car and wont get out! So I’m like pulling her out of my car and some douche bag lady comes running over and is like “Get your hands off her!!” I ignore the dumb bitch and keep trying to get the psycho out of the car. As I’m grabbing Devon, the lady with too much time on her hands calls up the cops. A couple minutes later three cruisers pull up on the scene with guns flying and lights on. Luckily I had backed from Devon, otherwise I probably would have gotten shot.

So you’re probably thinking that Devon filed a restraning order on me, but it’s exactly the opposite. After the cops gave me the pat down, I explained that I was just trying to get Devon out of my car. Also, a lady inside one the businesses saw Devon hit me a couple of times, close to the nuts, so I was pretty much defending myself. They escort Devon to her car and watch as she pulls out of the parking lot.

So now this was my dilemma… I don’t think Devon will stop the harrassment, so I trecked my fat ass to the court house. I filed a couple of papers, and the judge is going to see my case tomorrow. My “attorney” said I have a pretty good chance of getting a restraining order against her. Do you think I should go through with it, or maybe just let the whole thing blow over? You decide with the new poll!

Old News / Forums

Got IWANG? (10:58AM EST)Jack
I’ve got some small things to get out of the way before I tell you about my fucked up weekend. A lot of shit went down and it’s a really great story. First off I got some more pictures of that chick Jen. Her other pics are in the archives somewhere, I’m too lazy to find the exact page. I guess when I was critiquing her, I called her an over-used pin cushion. Well, maybe that a little harsh, cause she is pretty cool chick, and I’ve heard she’s pretty wild in the sack. So here’s a couple more pictures of what girls do best… Making out with other chicks.

– Jen – Jen 2 – Jen 3 – Jen 4 –

She’s got a website you can check out. Go visit and say hi or whatever. More thanks goes out to Camilla she linked me over at Wallflower. She’s got a great site, but she uses that JavaScript which doesn’t let you right click. I know it’s dumb, but I hate that code. All it does is not allow me to open pages in new windows. If I really want to see the source code for the site, I’ll just click View –> Source. I guess it does stop all the AOL kiddies from stealing images.

People send me some cool sites to check out. That 9 inch penises only site was a classic. I’ve been cruising through Losers.org but that gets old after awhile.

I love this type of stuff. Big thanks goes out to Ryan. He sent me another one of these logos. I haven’t gotten back to him in emails, but keep this stuff coming!! Let me know if you a link to anything. If you’d like to contribute anything to this site just send me an email. Tell me what I should add, take away, or just tell me to fuck off. I don’t really care.

And on a final note, I did dump Devon, and she didn’t take it to well. My court date is tomorrow at 9, but I’ll write more about that later.

Quick Links: A Guy and His Monkey – Chimptopia – ZGeek – Stile Project –
– Joe Rogan – Campus Rag – Shock Comics – Newgrounds – EHOWA –

Saturday February 3, 2001

Old News / Forums

What the Fuck is This? (3:17PM EST)Jack
Can some one please tell me that this is a joke.


Like I guess I’m flattered and shit, but it’s a little sick I think. Some 14 year old girl talking about tits, and shaving?!? I really hope it’s some kind of joke. I hate to think that I’m corrupting the state of Maine, actually…. What the fuck am I talking about, Maine’s already fucked up. I probably can do any real harm to them.

Also here’s another fucked up site. These two homos think they’re Tyler and Jack. I didn’t really go through the whole thing, cause the idea of these two douche bags anally raping each other turned me off. For a good Fight Club parody, click here.

Why do people steal the shit off this site? The things I write really aren’t that good. And how hard is it to send an email just asking me? I’d be happy to have my words of wisdom exposed to millions and millions of people, but can’t you just ask a brother first? These guys actually have a pretty cool site. So check it out, and like do other stuff I guess. Actually do what ever you want, I can’t control you.

Quick Links:Punogre – Deviant Online – Melo-Online – The Campus Rag –
– American Jackass – The Spy – I Am Compulsive – Liquid Generation –

Old News / Forums

Stop Whining! (2:54PM EST)Jack
My head hurts, my back aches, and I’m in need of a drink! Got this in my email couple days ago, and I’m thoroughly impressed.

From: Star Dog Radio
I visited your site after noticing that one of my affiliates had a link to you…I checked it out and I’m impressed with your content. I run an internet-based alternative radio station with live DJs, live bands, comedy and contests and was wondering if you would be willing to do some cross-promotion?

Totally be interested in doing some promotion. I love promoting online shit and online radio seems pretty cool.

Our demographic interest group is probably very similar and it may be beneficial for both of our sites to work with one another. This year is going to be one of exponential growth for internet broadcasting (Audiorealm.com estimates 3 billion dollars will be spent for advertising on ephemeral net-based streams). We’d be willing to make some audio ads for your site, free of charge, for promotional consideration on your website.

Can I get commercials with lesbians making out and then screaming my name in ecstasy? I think I’d buy more stuff if the commercials had lesbians in them.

People listen to our station from all over the world and our numbers are growing daily. If you’d like more specific information about StardogRadio please don’t hesitate to ask. This is an exciting time for the radio revolution and hope that you’ll climb on board! Of course, we could still do a simple link or button exchange and nothing above that. Let me know what you decide. Regards, Adrian Kent

I haven’t had time to respond to this guy, but it sounds pretty cool. If you read the site Adrian, hit me back with some info because I’m down with the concept. Everyone else just click here.

Friday February 2, 2001

Old News / Forums

Legal Tats in Massachusetts (4:24PM EST)Jack
Tattoos are finally legal in Massachusetts!

It’s 11:59 a.m. and Ron Balcius is shaking. He’s can’t sit still. He’s been counting seconds for nine hours.
But to him, right now, it’s the best feeling in the world.
Balcius is a minute away from the grand opening of The Golden Needle, his new Whitman tattoo parlor, and four minutes away from supervising one of the first legal tattoos in Massachusetts in more than 38 years.
”I’m like a nervous bride,” he said. ”I’m 49 years old. I have four kids. I shouldn’t be this way.”

It’s about fucking time they made it legal. I’m sick of driving all the way to CT just to get a little ink put on my arm. I’ve got two already, and I figure two more will be a good way to balance myself out.

Old News / Forums

If Men and Women Switched Genitals (3:49PM EST)Jack

If Men and Women swapped genitals

Top ten things MEN would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes…BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynaecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too…

And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina…
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Top ten things WOMEN would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America
9. Learn to stare with that-I’m undressing you look.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can’t hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man’s eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

And, the NUMBER ONE thing women would do if they woke up with a penis… 1. Get a blow job.

Or maybe theywouldjustpainttheir bodies.

Old News / Forums

Sex Jokes (3:41PM EST)Jack

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of shame was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he’d hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him…
Howard, don’t worry about it. You’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won’t be the last. And, you’re single. So just let it go.”
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality…
“Howard, you’re a Veterinarian….”

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son…. Men use them to have safe sex.” “Oh I see.” replied the boys pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package.” The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.” “Cool!” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks “Then who are these for?” “Those are for college men.” the dad answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.” “WOW!” exclaimed the boy; “Then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March……..”

Old News / Forums

New Thing For The New Month (3:10PM EST)Jack
I want to add some new web cams for this month, so if you’re a girl and want your web cam on here, just send me an email. Why don’t you check out the message boards too. Maybe give or get some advice. I’ve got a little dilemma that I want to share with you guys. Last night me and Devon were at the movies, and as we were leaving the theater, I (like a gentleman) opened her door first. Now every brother knows that if the girl reaches over and unlocks the door, you’re money. Well, Devon sat there and didn’t even make an attempt to open the door. We all know I should have just let stay at the theaters and not even given her a ride home.

It’s all up to you guys now. You must know vote for whether Jack remains an attached guy or goes back the single life. You make the call!!

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I Did That Thing With The Thing (2:25PM EST)Jack
Here’s an interesting little email that I got today.

Story for ya. So I used to date this girl, Jenny The Great (I know you’ve talked to her online a few times, she had me send you some pics of her and such). Things were great, she was a wildcat in bed, brilliant to talk to, intelligent, sexy, got along well with my friends…..then things went bad. We broke up for a while, and ended up as somewhat tentative friends..
And then, she started jerking me around emotionally..I was a tool, I let her use me. (still young and dumb, no matter how old I get)
I actually stopped in the middle of sex with a girl I was seeing at the time, to answer a page. Rushed to the ex’s side, got her medication (wisdom tooth removal sucks) and stayed by her for a couple of weeks till she was better. What a fucking sucker (read: Sucker = nice guy)
Eventually, I caught on that she was mostly just using me….she spooked me with suicide threats for no real reason, she made comments to inspire jealousy, she tried to resurrect our relationship only to turn around and start telling me about the new guy she’s fucking (I always lost count with that girl)…and in the end she flip-flopped me around like a yo-yo until I ended things.
Then I meet this new girl. Amazingly wonderful, bright, talking to her is a very deep experience..shortly after we met, I got sick..without asking, she surprises me with hot tea with honey, soup…back massages…everything is super-sweet about this girl. Oh…did I mention she does internet porn/fetish modeling?
So here’s the comparison pictures of the two girls (both are named Jen…makes it easier for me anyways)
Did I make the right decision here man? Dumped the bitch, found an angel
Guess its just me looking for a reason to send you a grip of pics.
Enjoy I would have sent in more of the ex, but they’re mostly nudes and at home

— New Girl 1 — New Girl 2 — New Girl 3 — Old Girl 1 — Old Girl 2 —

So what do you think? The old girl kind of looks like an overused pin cushion. I’d still do her, I’m sure she can suck a good dick. The new girl looks like some one you’d bring home to mom, if she was into that whole bondage routine. I myself haven’t gone that far. Sure I’ve brought out the the handcuffs, but I think that’s as far as I’m going to go. If some girl wants to try herself up and let me have my way with her, I’m all down for it.

If you need to know how to please a man click here, and if you want to please a woman click here. Couple of cool little pictures for you. If you’ve got something you want to contribute, just let me know.

Thursday February 1, 2001

Old News / Forums

Always Double Down on 11 (5:56PM EST)Jack
Now this gallery is fucking money! I love Heather Graham and she loves me right back! She’s waiting at home cooking my dinner right now. Gotta love a girl that knows her place in man’s home. Speaking of man’s homes, the kid is gone for the week, so my house is going to be like the fucking Playboy mansion. Which coincidentally is where my main man Howard is partying tomorrow night. Lucky son of a bitch. Probably get blown by a few bunnies tomorrow.

Stile reminds me an old school Howard Stern. Not the post-divorce Howard, the old Howard Stern, the same one that plugged Snapple and had lesbians all on him. I can still remember watching his TV show back in the day, when I was just a little player.

Just a little bit of a side note. IWANG will be transferring over to new servers. So if this page doesn’t come up or anything, don’t worry the site isn’t down. Just getting ready for some brand new stuff. Also it looks like my email isn’t working. Use jack@iwantanewgirlfriend.com if you want to get in contact with me.

Old News / Forums

Men: The 17 Ways They Fail In Bed (2:39PM EST)Melissa

1. SANDING: Pussy isn’t an unfinished tabletop. You don’t need to rub it till it bleeds, be gentle. Don’t attack the clit with your fingers when you begin, it hurts! Stroke, fondle, treat it like it’s fragile. When she starts to get pink, then have some fun.

2. TOUCH ‘N’ GO: When working your way down to pussy, don’t kiss the tits and head south. There’s an entire midsection that wants to be kissed and licked. Girls are ticklish in that area for a reason, use it to your advantage.

3. PORN TALK: Unless you’re both feeling particularly nasty, porn talk is ridiculous. It isn’t sexy, and unless you’re with a prostitute, just shut up. They use porn talk on pornos because it’s entertaining.

4. TOSSIN’ SALADS: Shit comes out of it, our mouths aren’t going anywhere near it. Don’t expect girls to leap with joy when you ask her to stick her tongue where ‘the sun don’t shine’. guys will stick their cocks anywhere that’s warm and moist, girls have some self respect.

5. TONGUES AREN’T 6″ LONG: Unless you’re Gene Simmons, save your energy for our clits. There’s a reason most cocks are over 3″ long, they feel better. Lick everything, we aren’t limited to one main sexual organ like you saps. Everything feels good.

6. SLOBBER: Licking and wetness feel good, slobber doesn’t. There’s no reason we should be dripping with spit, just sweat.

7. VACUUMING: A little aggression and dominance is fun, but don’t suck our face in when you kiss us. We love our lips and don’t want them sucked off. Kissing style can make or break good sex. If a girl pulls away with a slobbery mouth and terrified look on her face, you aren’t a good kisser.

8. SOCKS OFF: Take off your fucking socks! You can have our pants off in 0.03 seconds, can’t you manage to pull the stinky rags off your feet?

9. DON’T HELP: If we’re going down on you, don’t put your hand on our head to guide us. It pisses us off. We have teeth. Be grateful you’re getting head! If you want it done differently, just tell us.

10. THE MINUTE MAN: We’re just being nice when we say its OK. It’s not OK, get some fucking endurance. Jerk off ahead of time, think about your great-grandmother, whatever it takes, we deserve to be pleased too.

11. HANDS OF THE REMOTE: Don’t roll over and reach for the remote when sex is done. If you don’t feel like cuddling and talking afterwards, go jerk off. We just rolled around with your sweaty hairy ass, give us some attention.

12. PELVIC THRUST: If positioned in missionary, don’t ram your pelvic bone into our legs. If you want to beat our uterus with your cock, do it doggy style. If you notice us cringing, there’s a good chance it’s from pain, not pleasure.

13. STUBBLE: Stubble burns hurts. If you think you’re going to be lucky enough to get into our pants, shave your fucking face. If you have a beard, that’s fine, they can be fun. But if you normally shave and you’ve got a shadow, get rid of it. It’s as pleasurable as coarse sandpaper.

14. YOU’RE NOT 15: Don’t give us bite marks or hickeys anywhere that aren’t normally covered up with clothing. They were cool marks in school, but they look ridiculous on adults. You aren’t marking your territory.

15. YOU’RE NOT #1: Don’t assume you’re good in bed. If we look bored, it’s because we are, not because we’re in mindless ecstasy. If you’re just thrusting away to get yourself off, you suck in bed. If we say, “Ooh ooh, yeah that’s good,” you suck in bed. If we’re shaking uncontrollably to the point of seizure, good job.

16. SWALLOW: You are what you eat. If you eat a lot of garlic and meat, your cum will taste like shit. Swallow it yourself sometime, don’t expect us to swallow if you won’t.

17. 3 AM POKE: We don’t think it’s cute or sexy when you poke us at 3 am for sex. There is plenty of time during waking hours for sex and we probably just fell asleep on account of your snoring.

Wednesday January 31, 2001

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Women: The 17 Ways They Fail In Bed (11:40PM EST)Jack

1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy’s dick don’t grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don’t use the love sword as if it’s a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.

2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy’s dick don’t just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It’s a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you’ve come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he’s done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don’t laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like “Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut” or “I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion.” Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you’ve got a guy who can speak whole sentences.

5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don’t close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases – but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don’t wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.

7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises with out thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.

8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you don’t like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drip page if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying “Are you going to come soon.” If you’re doing a blowier, you’d have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you’re giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he’s shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually and gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don’t ask him if you’re the best lover he’s ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don’t ask a man to lie about such an important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD: Don’t just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don’t mind that and we’re blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don’t sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he’s a real man he’s probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don’t shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.

15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like “I love it when you come in my mouth” makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

16. INGRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you – especially if:
A) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or:
B) you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man’s role in sex is far more demanding than a woman’s so it is always nice when one’s prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man’s warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask “Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt / sofa / Mercedes / country cottage?” There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain – prostitution.”

Old News / Forums

Some More New Pictures (11:31PM EST)Jack
I added a couple new galleries for all you horny kids out there. Check out the bikini and hot chicks galleries. You can thank me by clicking on the banners. Are there any other galleries you want to see up here? Or any pictures you want to share? Just give me an email.

Old News / Forums

It’s Melonrific!! (7:56PM EST)Jack
I like good emails.
Hey, thanks for the great plug 🙂 I actually stumbled upon your website by accident. I’m on a joke mailing list, and thecampusrag was listed on it. I fumbled around there for a little while, and checked out your link. I was actually suprised that MSB or CSG wasnt listed 😉 you can put my cam on if you want, im not on it as much as i should, but i do make apperances. its on atm if you want to giggle at the silly faces i tend to make. Sorry I havent linked to ya in my blog yet, its next on my list.


See, now that’s a good email. Why can’t I get more emails like that one. Instead I get these.

Hi, I have a girlfriend who I’ve been seeing for 10 months. I really love her and I want to fuck her. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get her to blow me? oh yeah btw i’m 12 years old.


I seriously don’t want to get that shit anymore. Although I was a little pimp in grade school, and my kindergarten teacher all over me, I wouldn’t have had the balls to ask some one how to get her to blow me! Don’t kids play video games, basketball, or other shit that kids do anymore? Plus another thing, what is some 12 year old kid doing looking at my site? Where are his parents?? I don’t want to come off as some nutcase, but I’ve got a kid and I when he hits 11, 12, or 13, he wont be playing on the internet looking at sites like this. He’ll be helping me pick up the recently single MILFs at the playground!

Old News / Forums

Fucked Up College Story Number 1 (7:08PM EST)Jack
I was checking out the Campus Rag when I noticed the link for F.U.C.E. or Fucked Up College Experiences, and I thought to myself. I’m in college, and I’ve got some fucked up stories so why don’t I share some with you guys.

This story actually happened back in 1996 when I was freshman at American International College. See I was pretty young for my grade, I entered college when I was 17, and was not familiar with the experiences that college would bring to me. I did not know of the all night parties, and the girls that put out on the first date. Shit I was hooking up with girls that actually swallowed! As every 17 year would have done in my shoes, I partied like a rock star. Weekends consisted of 30 packs of Bud Ice, and if there wasn’t a enough money for that, a bottle of Kappy’s Tequila would have to do.

So one weekend there was an around-the-world party over in the football dorm. Me and some friends from my dorm paid the five bucks and started to get our drink on. We spent the first half of the night getting wasted in the Long Island Ice Tea room, and then decided to move around the place and mingle with some people. I ended up in the Cape Codder room and spied this mint baby. This girl was like everything you see on Babewatch, and then some. So me being in my wasted state decides to go over and talk to her. Now everything after that is pretty fucking hazy. The last thing I really remember is her telling me that she’s has a boyfriend.

Well, the next morning (night?) when I wake up I’ve got a headache the size of Roseanne Barr’s left breast. Now I’ve had hangovers before, but something was totally wrong this time. Like my eye feels ten times bigger than it should, and I can’t really open it. So I take a look in the mirror and see that there’s something that looks like tar. I decided not to fuck with it, because I was still pretty drunk. I fall back into bed, and the next time I open my eyes the sun is shining through.

So I drag my ass into the bathroom to take a look at what the fuck was over my eyebrow. I’m looking at it, and it suddenly dawns on me… It’s a big fucking scab! Some how the night before I had fucked up my eye pretty good. Since it wasn’t still bleeding or really causing any trouble I left it alone, took a shower and headed off the cafeteria. All my friends look like they had the shit beaten out of them too, except I was the only one with the scar to prove it. The only thing was, I had no fucking clue how it happened! I wanted to at least now if I tripped down the stairs or maybe got my face bashed in by the girl’s boyfriend. To tell you the truth I was hoping for the latter, it would have made a better story.

I end up talking to the dude that hosted the party and asked if he had noticed any brawls or fights. He said that it seemed pretty chill and hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. I was a little disappointed. But it did mean that I didn’t make a total ass out of myself which is pretty cool I guess. I figure I must have been walking down the stairs in my dorm and ate it somewhere. I still have the scar on my eyebrow, and maybe I’ll take a picture of it tonight to prove it to ya guys. Another great story happened that night too, but I’ll tell that one later tonight.

Link of the Post: White Trash World

Old News / Forums

I’m Taking My AIM Name Off Here (6:45PM EST)Jack
Cause this is the retarded shit that I have to deal with.

Paul Poker2: hiya i just got this aim name from the web site i wananewgirlfriend.. tell me more about yourself
getnewgirlfriend: ummm
getnewgirlfriend: why?
Paul Poker2: becasue I’m interested in who u are? I’m a 20 yr old guy from UK.. getnewgirlfriend: well read the site if you’re interested
Paul Poker2: ok i am but would like to ko who u are.. if i can..
getnewgirlfriend: k
Paul Poker2: 🙂 are u in the US?
getnewgirlfriend: yep
Paul Poker2: what would u like to tell me?
getnewgirlfriend: nothing
Paul Poker2: ok
Paul Poker2: this is goiung to take a while i can tell.. lol

Do you people have some sort of sick twisted depression in your lives? Shit if you want to know about me, just read through the site. I don’t hide anything, and everything is up for public consumption. Whether you want to know about my kid, girlfriend, car, school, or whatever interests you, it’ here. Cruise through the archives and that’s where you’ll learn about me and stuff.

I’m still looking for some banners, so if you guys want to help me out, it would be gladly appreciated. I’m linking this guy just because I said I wouldn’t and now I feel kind of bad. You’re welcome. School of Ass posted the same link as I did about the retarded couple trying to get hits for marriage. Looks like it’s a scam though, the counter never increases.

I like this site here. Want to know the reasons why I like him?

1. He linked to without begging for a link first. I think it’s pretty cool when some one who runs a website, puts another sites link up just for the hell of it. I’m sure Big Dark Cloud wasn’t expecting to get linked or anything, but I just though it was cool of him.

2. He’s got some good shit up there and his site looks good. Now I’m not any type of designer at all. My page is done in Front Page, and it’s wicked plain looking. Shit I only fucking use HTML. That’s why when a site that looks good it catches my eye. Other site that look good. Big Dark Cloud – The Campus Rag – Stile Project – Hacker Network – Freak Farm – Bad Ass Mofo –

So if your site look cool and you constantly ask me to link you AIM, chances are you’ll show up on this site. Now I’m saying I’m like Stile and you’ll get a million hits, but hopefully I can help out some of you guys that are just starting out.

Old News / Forums

37 Dicks? (12:05PM EST)Jack
I got an email from my links page today. Normally I just throw update that page every once in awhile, or sometimes not even at all. But every once in a great while I get an email from a really cool site that I like. Melissa from Melo-Online wanted to do a link swap. But she’s too cool for just the links page so I wanted to throw a plug here on the main page. I found her site a long time ago and went through it all one day. This girl is totally cool and she’s a knockout too. Maybe she’ll let me put her on the cam pages. She’s also got a cat named Marley, and wants pot legalized! Check out her site, and you wont be disappointed.

I had something else to write about, but I totally forgot. I’m so fucking tired lately the days just seem to be blending into each other.

Tuesday January 30, 2001

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Who Said We Never Had a Black President? (5:37PM EST)Jack
Bill’s looking pretty black to me. Shit just look at the afro on that guy. Takes me back to a time of Soul Glo and shit. I’m not really sure how I feel out Bush yet. How much damage can one person do in four years right? And then the Clintons will be back in the house when Hillary wins. By that time I’ll be out of school and settling down with a wife and another kid or so. It’s going to be fucking great. My little kids will be bad asses who have no respect for authority. I’ve already trained my first one to flip off every girl that isn’t hot. I figure why waste time on the little one you know?

Old News / Forums

This Gives Me Hope (5:18PM EST)Jack
I found this site today. I guess women aren’t looking for money any more, they’re looking for hits on a website. Sounds like a pretty gay idea to me, almost the same as that Walter’s Mission that was up a little while ago. They do look like a nice happy coupe though. I really hope their marriage makes it. What’s up with that guys head though? He looks the dude from Dick Tracy. What’s his name? Flattop or something? I wish some chick would marry me because of this site. Actually what the fuck am I talking about… I just wish some chick would spread her legs and let me fuck her because of the site. I’ll give you a million hits and then some.

Here’s a great site for you to check out. I guess if you need a toilet installed this is the place to look. This link is for about half of the people that visit the site. You’ll know if it applies to you once you click on it. Dogmatic Law has got a new look, check it out and say hi. If you’re in the mood for commentary on what the worst of the web is, check out Daign. This mother fucker is taking on the Child Porn Industry and not even looking back. I commend you, now just do a review on me….

Link of the Post: Bad Ass Mofo

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Some People Are Pretty Fucking Cool (12:33PM EST)Jack
I got an email from Stile saying that he wasn’t the person that sent that stupid email to me. I was pretty sure it wasn’t him, because why would he really care about this site? I just thought it was cool of him for emailing me. I guess people are really good at heart.

It’s fucking sleeting out right now and I’m stuck indoors. Normally I’d be able to take the dog out for a hike or something, but this weather blows. Today would be a perfect day to hang out at the mall and check out some chicks. Instead I’ll sit on my ass and play video games all day long. I bought that Evil Dead game for the Dreamcast, and even though I loved the movies, this game blows goats. The only good thing is Bruce Campbell does the voices. Maybe I’ll go out and buy the trilogy tonight, it’s been awhile since I saw the movies.

I did watch Swingers last night and I fucking loved it. It’s money, baby! I didn’t even know the guy from Office Space was in it. So totally rent or buy that shit next time you’re at Ball Buster, oops, I mean Block Buster. Tonight is going to be a Clerks night I think.

I’m going to be in the process of changing a lot things this weekend. So if something is fucked up, or doesn’t work properly, just send me an email. Shit send me an email anyways. I always look forward from hearing from you guys. I really like the fucked up links you send my way, so keep them coming. Also from now on I’ll be plugging a site at the end of each post. So if you’ve sent me an email and asking to have your site linked, it just might happen!

Oh yeah one last thing. Does any one want to make an animated gif for me? I need a couple of sizes made.


If some photoshop wizard did that for me I’d be wicked in dept to them. Send in your gifs to jack@iwantanewgirlfriend.com I’ll give you major linkage on this site if I used what you send in!

Link of the Post: The Spy
Link of the Post: American Jackass

Old News / Forums

More Chicks Say the Stupidest Shit (12:31AM EST)Devon

I read what your advice was to Jimmy or mike or whatever.. Below is a
pasting of what you said.. you can edit that out later if/when you
post this.
“Wow, thats really harsh of her. I think that when a person starts to think about cheating that means they are not happy with their current situation. She may also be trying to hint at something to you. As I said before girls love to play mind games. She might be trying to see if you feel the same way. She probably figures that if you have the urge to do it too, then its ok for her to end the relationship without feeling guilty. My advice is to break it off for a while. Let her loose for a while and see what she does. One of 2 things will happen. A. She realizes that she wants to be with other people, and that she is much happier. In this case, it’s good for you to know before anything long term develops. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I know it may hurt, but in the long run it is better than fooling yourself or being cheated on. Then there is situation B: She realizes how much she misses you, and that she doesn’t want anyone else, and she goes back to you. This is probably what you are hoping for. Although you will always be worried about her cheating. You need to think if you can be with a girl who you can’t trust.”
My comment to that is that Situation A has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. That’s just like temptation island. Sorry, I just had to say that. How can you give him advice where you let her run free? That’s got to hurt more than realizing she said that. That’s like saying “Sure go ahead and have sex with guys, while you walk all over me. But I love you and i still want to be in love with you. Hey maybe you can tell me about the guys you’re fucking and we can compare?”
Sorry but from a guy’s point a few that is just the dumbest advice to ever give. The best advice would be actually to tell her up front. But sometimes that doesn’t work. I’m pretty sure it is mind games, but why give her that advantage to have her way? It’s the biggest fucking torture to go through, when you love someone for x amount of years and you can’t even touch them for so many months because you’re so far away, and she tells you she sleeps around. I don’t even know the guy but goddamit why let it happen to another guy. So like hey post this. Thanks Dan

First of all thats not what i’m saying, and by the way i have never even watched temptation island, but I get your point. Now here’s what I was trying to get across. Why the hell would you want to be with someone who wants to cheat on you???????? It’s obvious he can not trust her. I am not advocating that he sit there and compare notes with her on who they each hooked up with since she left. I am saying let her go if thats what she wants. No matter how much you love someone it means shit if the other person is not happy. Let her go, go out and party with some friends, get wasted, hook up with some random girl, and forget the slut. Is that any clearer for you? This relationship is over. A girl may think that she wants to cheat on her boyfriend, and that’s normal. What is not normal is to tell him about it. The only reason she would do it is if she wanted to end the relationship, or is playing some sort of sick mind game to get attention from him. Honey, that’s definantly not the way to go about it. She is disturbed, dump her, end of story.

Link of the Post: Junior Painkiller

Monday January 29, 2001

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Any Guys With Nine Inch Dicks? (11:09PM EST)Jack
If so you’ll want to check out this chicks website. She’s some hot little Asian chick that’s looking for guys with only 9 inch or bigger dicks. Of course like any girl she’s not looking for sex, she just wants to look at your dick. Of course I’d give her my manroot and have her begging for more. She’d be all over my jock, and would ride it like the pony she never had. Asians fucking love me for some reason. And I love them too. Of course everytime I fuck some Chinese broad, I wanna fuck another one 15 minutes later. If any Chinese girls check out this site let me know, I’d love to hear from ya.

Everyone check out Hate the Mainstreamhe’s old school E/N. You were probably in diapers when he first making posts. Check him out and check out the cool Fight Club stuff.

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Sometimes I Just Wonder Why (7:23PM EST)Jack
Why do I keep doing this site? All I get from it is grief, pissed off girls, and lot’s of shit. Sure sometimes I get cool pictures, but most of the time it’s just emails from douche bags like this.

From: FuckHead
Subject: Why I Hate IWANG
Dear Jack,
You are the biggest idiot the internet has ever seen. I hate your site and every word that is written upon it. The porn you post has been on every other E/N site, and it’s been there long before you ever posted it. Also you write like a 12 year old African immigrant. If I want to read about girl problems I’ll visit Chicks Suck. If I want funny writings I’ll read X-Entertainment. I can find nothing good on your site.

Would you take the site down and spare us from your ideas any more. You are obviously a virgin, and by the looks of it will remain one for some time to come. I predict your first girlfriend will be some type of farm animal, and will leave you for her brother.

This is the end of my little letter and I hope you post it on your site for everyone to read. If one person stops going to your site because of me, I’ll be a happy man. Thanks again.


I highly doubt that this is from the “real” Stile. Although the return address was stile@stileproject.com I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like the site, but you can’t make everyone happy, right?

Link of the Post: Unrealistic Expectations

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Monday’s Blow Goats (6:54PM EST)Jack
I hate Mondays so much! Sometimes I wish I could just sleep in all day and not even get out of bed. I’d grab the 2 liter bottle of coke, grab a pack of smokes, throw in some movies, and just let the whole day go by. Of course I can’t do that because I have to be an upstanding member of society. If I don’t go to school, I can’t make something better out of myself, and then I’ll be stuck washing dishes at the local diner for the rest of my life. And there’s no way in hell I’ll be washing other people’s tuna casserole and shit like that. I want a job where people come into my office and beg for my approval. I want a job where all the secretaries bend over and get their panties all wet when I come in. I know my dream job is out there looking for me, and some day it will come and knock on my door. This day may only come when I win the lottery, but a brother can dream right?

Tonight is going to be dedicated to Fight Club and to Swingers. I bought a few other movies the other night, but haven’t even had the time to open the plastic yet. Maybe this weekend I’ll just kick back with some Guinness and plant my fat ass in front of the tube.

I actually am supposed to get back into yoga. It’s been so long since I’ve done actual exercise I don’t know how my body is going to react to it. I think the EMTs should be on hand for this class. Or maybe I’ll just fold myself into a pretzel….

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Even More Advice (12:50PM EST)Devon

I don’t know if you are real or not but I figured it couldn’t hurt.

Yes I am real for the thousandth time.

I’m 19, I’m in college, and I’ve never kissed a girl. Never fooled around, never really had a serious thing going. I’ve been on two dates and I blew both of them. The girls had no interest in me. My friends tell me I will eventually get action but I’m close to giving up hope. I need to know I’m not that rare but I doubt it’s true. Do girls want guys to try and fool around with them or something. I don’t know where to start or what to say when I’m talking to a girl at a party.

What did you do or say on the other dates? If you were quiet and shy then that may have been why the girl was not interested. Obviously she was interested enough to go out with you on a date, it is up to you to keep her interest. You don’t want to be shy but don’t be obnoxious either. Try to find the middle ground and act natural. As for getting into a girls pants, that totally varies by each girl. Some girls are out to have a one night stand and that’s cool. However, for the most part a girl wants you to notice her mind before her breasts. Try talking and being yourself. The more comfortable you are around girls the more comfortable they will be around you. You will eventually get some you just have to chill. Let me tell you something else. Ever notice how ugly guys have good looking girlfriends? Well us women are not as superficial as guys. We want someone to hold a conversation with. We don’t care how hot a guy is, if he is stupid, he is not worth our time. So act interested in her thoughts and feelings first and that will open the doors to physical things later.

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More Advice (12:45PM EST)Devon

Hi, I have a female friend that I want to be my girlfriend. But she complains that I don’t talk enough. Which is true, I am a pretty shy guy. But with her I’m comfortable and can talk a lot more than I usually do. But she still says I don’t talk enough, and I ask her what she wants me to talk about. She never answers.
Also she says she doesn’t know me. I ask her what she wants to know but she won’t tell me. She says she just wants to know “ME” which I don’t understand. I’m not very complicated, I think she knows me pretty well. Meanwhile I feel that she’s the one that’s not doing very much talking.She doesn’t even answer some of my questions. Hopefully she’ll open up more after she feels that she knows me, but I don’t know how I can help her know me the way she wants.
Any advice you may have would be greatly appreciated.

Try telling her stories about your childhood and stuff. Tell her a funny story about how you ran through the screen door, or even the time you were really upset because your grandma died. Sounds like she is looking for some sort of real details of your life. Tell her the nickname you had when you were 8. Omit any stories about ex-girlfriends though, although we are all curious about our new guys past, we dont really want to know. It just makes things weird. If you have told her everything you can think of and are comfortable with, and she still feels like she doesn’t know you, tell her to ask you questions. Nothing is a relationship killer like dead air over the phone. A girl figures that if you can’t find anything to talk about now, then what the hell are you going to talk about when you start getting serious. You can even tell her about your day at work, school, etc… Just say something random, or ask her questions about her opinions on things, then give yours. Just try to fill space.

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Why Do Girls Say Stupid Shit (12:39PM EST)Devon

More God given advice from Devon.

yea so im just talking to my girlfriend on the phone right, we have been together for about 8 months and i have actually been faithful and i never worried once about her being faithful to me. she gave me her virginity and i thought we were really close. but anyway on the phone she is like “im really worried that im going to cheat on you, i wont even go out if there are cute guys around, i dont know what i might do.” what the fuck is that. how the hell am i supposed to take that comment. im away at school right now and i have alot of girls here that i have blantantly come out and said they want me to break up w/ my girlfriend or just want to hook up or whatever and the thought hasnt even crossed my mind. even when i go out and get drunk all i think about is how i want her here with me. but anyway that really hurt and i have always trusted her but i dont anymore and to top that off i know feel completely inadequate as a boyfriend because she feels that she might cheat on for whatever reasons. i mean i dont see her very often so im not keeping her satisfied that way, but its not like im getting it either. when we are together its not a prob but we are not so that sucks. but anyway, i guess what im asking is, from a girls point of view, why in the hell would she > say something like that. i have never been so hurt by a comment in my entire life. anyway, id appreciate your advice or if not i think it helps to just blow off some steam and get some of this out of my system. well, its time to get real drunk and try and forget what just happened. thanks again Mike

Wow, thats really harsh of her. I think that when a person starts to think about cheating that means they are not happy with their current situation. She may also be trying to hint at something to you. As I said before girls love to play mind games. She might be trying to see if you feel the same way. She probably figures that if you have the urge to do it too, then its ok for her to end the relationship without feeling guilty. My advice is to break it off for a while. Let her loose for a while and see what she does. One of 2 things will happen. A. She realizes that she wants to be with other people, and that she is much happier. In this case, it’s good for you to know before anything long term develops. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I know it may hurt, but in the long run it is better than fooling yourself or being cheated on. Then there is situation B: She realizes how much she misses you, and that she doesn’t want anyone else, and she goes back to you. This is probably what you are hoping for. Although you will always be worried about her cheating. You need to think if you can be with a girl who you can’t trust.

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Greg Louganis’ B-Day (12:05PM EST)Jack
In honor of that homo diver surviving another year, I want you to check out the garageDogs performance of Greg. I totally guarantee you’ll like it.

The kids over Cult Chlydren are having fun…. It’s time like that when I remember why I quit doing this web page for a little bit. Why don’t all of you watch the Matrix start up some gay little cult and have a mass suicide. Trust me you’ll be doing the world a huge favor.

It’s late and I have an early class tomorrow, but I’ve also got a couple movies that I want to watch tonight. I bought Swingers the other night, and haven’t even had time to take of the plastic wrap. I want to watch the whole thing, but I know I’ll end up falling asleep like half way through. Oh well that’s really it for right now. I’ll post some more stuff after I get out of class and shit. In the meantime check out these links.

– Ted Bagel – Jiggin – Falk Ware – Limpy Chimp – Vixen Girl – Fat Willie –