Saturday April 19 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Boooooored (12:00PM EST) Jack
The woman just took off for class so I guess it’s time for a small update. I’ve thrown in Stealing Harvard with Jason Lee, it kinda sucks so it’s just another reason to write something for the site. It looks like it might actually be a decent day out today so I hope you’re not all stuck inside like me.

Last night we were going to see Phone Booth, but instead we just got pretty drunk and partied like rock stars. It’s good times I tell you. I’ll be hurting tonight, but for right now I feel alright.

Some buddies of mine have been traveling across Europe and they’ve been sending me pictures of the chicks that they bang. I swear I’m missing out by living in Western Mass. Oh well, I guess I’ll just live vicariously through them…..

Click here for tons more pictures!!!

The Laws of Love and Dating

  1. If you meet a woman, and you like her, then she… has a jealous boyfriend 6’4″ 280 pounds is a confirmed lesbian only wants to be friends doesn’t notice you’re even alive
  2. About who tries to pick you up; if you’re: heterosexual, then homosexuals will try homosexual, then heterosexuals will try bi-sexual, then, no one will try with someone special, everyone will try
  3. About finding love; if you: hope you found it, you’ll be disappointed think you found it, you’re wrong believe you found it, you’re misinformed have found it, you won’t know until too late
  4. About winning/losing; if you: don’t have anything to lose, you won’t win have something to lose, you’ll lose it do win, it’s only so you can lose more later
  5. If she appears to be having a good time, it’s because: she’s fanaticizing, and not of you, either she’s been eyeing-up someone else she’s trying to make someone jealous
  6. About dating, if she: arrives with a man, it’s the boyfriend she never told you about, and he has a few “questions” for ya arrives with her girlfriend, it’s because she wants some protection, not for anything kinky comes alone, it’s because she looks at you as a friend; there isn’t a chance you’ll ever be more either

Here’s a fun little trick to play on your friends. Have them say silk three times in the row and then ask then what a cow drinks. Most people (because they are retarded) will say milk. Of course all us smart people will say water, because cows give milk, not drink it. See how many people you can prove your advanced intellect too.

Pearla’s Live Room | Fuck a Cam Girl – Live Cam Girls

What I Like

You will need2 large jugs. of milk2 nuts2 pairs of tanned and toned legs2 pairs of loving arms1 firm and ripe banana1 small and tight mixing bowl1 squirt of whipped creamDirections:1 spread tanned and toned legs with loving arms2 carefully caress and massage jugs of milk3 steadily add the firm banana to mixing bowl easing in and out until fully creamed4 as temperature increases, plunge banana deeper into mixing bowl, cover with nuts then leave to soak5 when fully beaten top with whipped cream6 recipe finished when the banana is soft7 if banana is not soft repeat steps 2 – 5

I Want a New Girlfriend :: View topic – Shrek 2

It’s a decent enough movie. Good, even.

But the thing which kicks it into movie legend is the “I Need A Hero” sequence, which is more dramatic and inspiring, shows more heroism, displays more out-right ass-kicking-ness than the entire 2 hours of Armageddon.

Now for some spoilerness:


Mongo, the giant gingerbread man, is frickin awesome. From “Ooooh. Pri-tty” to his drowning, he is absolutely brilliant.

The thong thing with Pinnochio and him being a real boy for all of 20 seconds are funny as well.

Prince Charming is incredibly annoying, as he should be.

Puss in Boots…..He’s probably the best character in the entire movie. Loads of one-liners. The “debt repayed” thing is great. His quips in the cell are good. And he just generally kicks ass.

Shrek, however, isn’t as funny as in the first film.

But the environment is alot more detailed and takes place largely in rooms and city streets, which makes the film seem alot more cramped than the first. I thought this made it feel a little claustrophobic at times and drew attention away from the subtle visual jokes.

Overall, there’s more character development than you’re likely to see in such monetarily bloated atrocities as Troy (which was trounced by Shrek 2 at the box office), but the funnies are alot more ironic and most play on parodies of other films, as opposed to the first film where it was the blatant dessecration of fairytale cliches which made it funny.

To put it simply: Go see it.