Interracial Dating :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Saturday December 9, 2000

Asian Interracial (6:49PM EST)Jack

From: Eric
Subject: on interracial dating
Well basically I’m an 18 year old asian male who’s been single all his life. I’ve never had a girlfriend
nor a real good friend that was a girl. I’ve always had this lil voice inside me saying, “I need a girl,”
cause I thought that love was a wonderful thing. Even though I’m asian I am never seen around other asians. I hang out mostly with whites or sometimes blacks.Probably cause I was raised that way. I’ve only been attracted to white girls only. I’ve always gone for them, but never succeeded. I thought probably cause it was my race and my appearance. I’m only 5’8 131 with an average build. I played varsity football and I was friends with the guys that all the girls wanted. But the girls never accepted me and always discouraged my presence….This has led me to think that there is no way I could get the girl of my dreams today. I think that its an impossible thing cause of my race….I know I sound completely corrupted…but its how I just feel. Seeing how everyone my age is dating these days makes me feel left out and missing out on a lot. I continue to think how maybe I was just meant to be isolated and single all my life….but I still hear that little voice deep inside…..

Interracial Dating (6:46PM EST)Jack

From: ET
Subject: Interracial Dating
Kinda sad…All the problems in the world and people still make the color of
skin an issue. Ignorance.
But, my take on interracial relationships is simple; “Do what makes YOU
happy”. Not mom, dad, brother or friends…If a person lives their life
trying to please others they will be unhappy in the end. And utterly
confused as well…Life is too short and filled with pain to short-circuit
ourselves of happiness. To put what others want for us before what we want
for ourselves.
I applaud the courage of people who go against the tide and follow their
hearts and conscience. Who don’t cave in to judgmental societal pressure or
the fear of rejection by those who THINK they know what’s best…
It takes strength to overcome our fears. Overcomming our fears makes us
grow…Isn’t that what humanity is all about?

From: Lisa
Subject: Interracial Dating
Hi. I’ve been in an interracial relationship for about 4 months now. It
is so hard because I know my parents wouldn’t approve. I’m away at
school and he’s at home still (it’s only about an hour)so it is easy to
hide it from them. The thing is I don’t want to hide it from them. I’m
almost 20 now and when I was a freshman in high school I had a black
boyfriend (i’m white by the way) and they went crazy. They forced me to
stop seeing him and I guess it didnt’t seem that bad because I was only
14 and the relationship obviously wasn’t that serious. But now I see how
wrong it is for them to think that way. My boyfriend understands that
some people are like that and he’s used to it, but I don’t. I’ll be
going home for a month for x-mas and I have to tell my parents about him
because it’s killing me that I can’t share the person I love with my
family. I just don’t know how to approach the subject. Once we do talk
about it I’m going to explain to them that I’m an adult and can make my
own decisions. I’ve never done anything to dissappoint them so why
should this upset them? It’s also hard to talk about it with them
because I never talk about boyfriend relationships with them. I know
they are going to tell me to stop seeing him but I can’t. Now that I’ve
told you my whole life story, if you have any advice I’d appreciate it!


Tuesday November 14, 2000

More Interracial Shit (11:51PM EST) Jack
Interracial relationships have been a topic of choice lately here. I myself have no problem with people of different relationships dating, it’s not a big thing to me. It’s good to hear that most people feel the same way as me.

From: Anonymous
Subject: Interrcial Dating

I guess I’ll start off by sayin’ this: I’m black. I’m about the shade of a milk chocolate bar.

Anyway, here goes the start of my story. In my senior year of high school, I met a girl of the caucasion persuasion during marching band camp.

One time at band camp…………….

She had just moved from Alabama and didn’t really know anybody. She was very attractive (and still is) and caught my eye. So, in the beginning of the school year, we talked and got to know each other and became good friends. She would always come to me with her guy troubles and ask what she should do. (Ever notice how the girl you like always comes to you with guy troubles?)

Yeah, I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad sign. It’s good because the girl can trust you with her problems and actually look to for advice. But it’s also bad cause you can end up as the ‘Big Brother.’ For the ladies: Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

To make a long story short, she starts liking me and I, of course, like her so we become even closer. Everyone is always talking about how cute we look together and how we should ‘go out.’ We would both smile and laugh, but I wanted to be with her and she wanted to be with me, (I was pretty sure anyway) just neither of us would come foward with it. One day, I decided that I was gonna do it and ask her out. I don’t recall exactly what I said but her reply was no. Naturally, I wanted to know why. She said that it was because I was a senior and she was a junior and her parents didn’t approve of that. I knew she was lying to me, and if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s when someone close lies to me. But, I let it go.

Anyway, I wasn’t the only guy who took a liking to this girl, there were multiple others. I swear, almost every minute of the day, some guy (me usually included) was with her, trying to gain her favor. I don’t think I was really trying, but a person cannot really see what they are doing.

One day, we were alone in this little stair/hallway and we had been wrestling. We end up pretty close. She starts biting my fingers (which is an incredible turn-on I found out) playfully and we close in slowly and have a first, akward kiss. Then we hear the door open and she gets up quickly, blurts out something like “I gotta go” and heads out. A couple days later, we had a little chat about it and leave it sorta hanging.

Later on in the year, of course, was the Prom. I asked her if she would go with me and the senior-junior issue came up again. I bit my tongue to keep from confronting her about it. I’m not sure if it was me or her (probably me) who suggested that we find a couple that we were friends with and ask the (junior) guy if he would go to her house and pose as her date, and then we would switch at the school. She thought it was a good idea, and we even got a couple of friends to help us out. A few days later, she asked to talk to me in private. I figured she was finally gonna break it down and tell the truth. She ended up telling me that she didn’t wanna do the date swap thing because she didn’t wanna decieve her parents. (Which I respect because I believe that one shouldn’t like to their mother and father) I end up going to the prom with another friend (who didn’t have a date) and she went with one of my friends. At prom, we each sorta ditch our dates and end up very close, dancing and kissing. Afterwards, me, her, and 2 other friends head to my house, with a quick stop at the local Wal-Mart, to get a repair kit (for my pal’s glasses–theyfell out of his pocket and got jolly stomped) and sugar. I carried ‘my girl’ through most of the store until we have to carry stuff. We get to my house, and sit around and shoot the shit for a while. Then, my pal and ‘his’ girl leave–she’s goin home. I’m left alone with mi amor. We joke about how our friends are gonna get busy and she makes me put on a Chuck Mangione record. We sit and listen and have one last kiss.

Near the end of school, she starts to date this guy, who’s a caucasion senior. Yet, she still avoided telling me the truth. That didn’t last, because she wasn’t really interested in the guy, she just wanted to get his friend off her back. All through summer, we talked through e-mail. She never brought up the issue, and neither did I. Finally, just as she was starting her senior year, I actually drug up the issue that had been bothering me. I needed confirmation. I asked her was she telling the truth about the reason she wouldn’t/couldn’t date me. I was because of the color of my skin. Her parents had seen us close and they said that they didn’t want her dating someone not of her race. I asked her why she didn’t tell me. She was to embarrassed to tell me. I don’t blame her.

That totally blows….. And we wonder why so many people are prejudiced in this world. If some parent feels the need to enforce their beliefs on their kid that fucked up.

It truly is sad that some people look down upon interracial dating. NOBODY is pure–everything is mixed as it is. But, people will always believe what they want to believe. Now, I know that there are 2 sides to every story and I’ll admit that I don’t know the other side. But the way I see it is like this: I could have either let it go and remain friends with her or I could have gone and talked to her parents about it. I decided to go with the first choice because I would not want to risk the relationship that I had (and still have) with her as friends. The risk greatly outweighed the benefits.

With racists like that, no words that you could say would have any effect. They’ve been brought up with some fucked up beliefs and probably will never change. These are the people that you hope get in an accident and a black person saves them, or they end up with a black doctor. Maybe then they’ll realize that their views are fucked up.

I didn’t bring it up with her parents. Perhaps I should have, I didn’t know (and I still don’t know) how rooted they are in their ways. But, I don’t let it affect me. I am polite to them when ever I see them and do not harbor any resentment.

I’m still close friends with this girl today. And although we don’t see each other every day (we both have a rehersal for an orchestra every week) we still remain great friends. AND even though she has a boyfriend, (who’s kinda pathetic in my eyes) I’m pretty sure she’s still attracted to me……

At least the girl seems to have a good head on her shoulders. In this day and age we don’t need any more redneck bigots. We need people to stop looking at the color of someone’s skin and more at what the entire person is.

November 11, 2000

The Blacker the Berry the Sweeter the Juice (1:23AM EST) Jack
I love hearing about people in Interracial Relationships. I’ve never really had one so it’s totally new to me.

From: Ryan
Subject: Interracial Dating
Hi there, I wanted to drop a line and congratulate you on a cool website. In regards to the interracial dating: I am an Anglo-Saxon-Mediterranean -Celtic American (or in layman’s terms, white.) I have dated girls of many races, and I will tell you that no two are alike. There are certain rules of thumb when dealing with women, but other than that it has nothing to so with race. You can make generalizations all you like, but you’ll simply end up sounding like BET’s Comic View ( and I don’t think any of us want to sound like that…) The girls who treated me with the most respect and admiration, and flat-out coolness, was a japanese girl.

Is it true that Japanese girl’s pussies go sideways?

When I tell people that, they quickly chime in with “well that’s japanese culture- they’re raised that way”, but I heartily disagree. I think that she treated everyone in such a manner, while some of her friends (who were, mind you, raised in said “japanese Culture”) treated people very disagreably. All of this to say that it’s not the race or even the family that they grow up in, but they’re merits and virtues as a person. The external influences are nothing more than just that- influences. For this reason I suggest dating girls who are cool and smart, treating others with a measure of decency that makes you proud to have them by your side. Let her (or his) race become inconesquential.

More Advice From The Relationship God (11:05PM EST) Jack
I’ve gotten some email requesting that I share my infinite knowledge on relationships and how to make them work. I never though people would start to respect my advice and actually listen to it.

From: Keke
Subject: Interracial Dating
I am a white female who dates outside of my race. The big problem I have is not society but my family. I know they want to stand behind me 100% but on this issue they totally disagree. I think they don’t want their friends to find out because they think it will make them look bad or something. I hope whoever I chose to marry they will expect because I vaule and love my family. They should want what is best for me not what society thinks is best. I could care less what people think about me and my relationshpis, I live for me not to make them happy. The other issue is the God thing. My parents say,God made the different races for a reason and they should not mix. I don’t believe that. I think God wants us to love each other the same.

I think your parents are fucked up and need to let you make your own decisions. Your a big girl, and I’m sure they don’t try and control every aspect of your life, so why should they control who you date? So do you date black dudes, chinese, or puerto ricans? If your parents don’t like you dating other races, you can use that to your advantage. Tell them you plan on having some thugs baby and see how much you can milk out of them. They’ll probably do anything you ask if you promise to make sure their grandkids are as white as rice.

November 4, 2000

Interracial Dating (11:58AM EST) Jack
Interracial dating is tough thing to write about because I’ve never really been attracted to someone of a different race. I’ve always gone out with white girls, and since other races don’t really pay attention to some skinny white guy, I don’t have anything to base this article on. So I’ll just have to give my opinion on the subject.

I have no problems with people of different races going out together. I think it’s great actually. There’s so many fucked up white dudes that I’m not surprised that white girls are looking for something better. It just sucks that our society looks down on that type of thing.

Love shouldn’t be based on the color of your skin or anything else like that. Love all depends on how two people feel about each other. But there is that whole race thing to deal with. Its tough enough trying to make a relationship work, but throw in the race card and you’re dealing with a whole new set of problems.

People say it will be different when your daughter’s going out with a black dude. I say that’s fucked up. If I do ever have a daughter, I’d almost tell her to find someone of a different race. White guys don’t normally treat their women with the respect they deserve, and maybe someone else would.

If you’re in an interracial relationship I’d love to hear your comments, and even if your not let me know how you feel about them. Give me an email.