I Want a New Girlfriend – Thursday May 22

Webmaster Drug Stories Part #1 (12:00AM EST) Wolfy

What’s up y’all, Wolfy from beerandshots.com here. I figure since this seems to be turning into a free-for-all, I might as well get in!

Jack said something a few days ago about smoking crack, and how all webmasters should just admit that they smoke the shit every now and then… I agree! And to prove my sincerity, I’ll let you read about my most recent excursion into the depths of depravity.

It was about 9 pm, and I was a little tossed from drinking close to a 12 pack. I’m always a bit more likely to cave in to my dark desires when I’m a bit tore up, and it’s too early to go to bed. Luckily Unfortunately for me, there’s a crack motel right up the road – I can ride my mountain bike to it (and not worry about getting pulled over in my new car) and pick up some yellow. It’s pretty simple, all you do is ride around and look for the nastiest ho you’ve ever laid eyes on – she can hook you up, for sure! As you can guess, the tweaked out little snatch was peaking out of her curtains – her eyes saw a new face, her unstable brain saw a way to get a hit or two. Sure enough, out she comes, rubber-necking for signs of the police. When she didn’t see any she strode up to me and starts making small talk.

Now, I was fucked up, but I was nowhere near fucked up enough to not realize this crackho was straight nasty. I mean sagging tits, a flat ass, 2 teeth, bug eyes – the works. Finally she asks me if I want a blowjob. Not any blowjob, but “…the best blowjob in the south, baby…” I didn’t actually fall on the ground laughing, but I came close. Finally I told her “No, I just wanna have some fun another way”. She sad she could hook me up, and we went to her room.

Click here for Club Girls Gone Wild!! (That link’s for you Wolfy)

Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, I was in the dirty tramp’s room waiting for the crackman to show up. He shows up, tries to pass a $10 rock as a $40, I tell him “Fuck you”, he adds a little bit, I tell him “Fuck you” again, etc etc.. Finally it’s right and he gets lost. I had told the wench I’d hook her up for hooking me up, so I stayed. Plus I don’t indulge often enough to keep my own pipe, and I wanted to use hers rather than smoke out of a can.

A couple of hits into it, my head starts buzzing. Really fucking buzzing – I close my eyes, breathe, run my fingers through my hair… You know, all the shit you do when you get a high like that. Suddenly I feel a tugging on my pants, and I think about the bitch going for my loot – but I never bring extra cash on a dope run, it’s just stupid. The fact is, she was pulling my pants down! She mumbles something about sucking my cock for $10, I didn’t care. “Do it, bitch”. So she starts slobbing on my one eyed wonder, and I feel the scrape of those two lonely teeth. Holy shit! What the fuck am I DOING??!! Can anyone imagine what two teeth could do to my cock if she happened to go into a spasm??? It would be like a damn snake bite, and lord knows I could never be fucked up enough to sit still for that! Needless to say, the bitch ruined my high – I pulled up my pants, grabbed my bike and left the whore on her knees screaming “You were supposed to leave me some you fucker!!”

So which webmaster goes next?

I’d like to thank Wolfy again for posting such a classy story. Check out his site if you’re into naked girls and stuff. And if you don’t like it, you’re probably a homo.

The Nine Erogenous Zones :: I Want a New Girlfriend

We finally have the official list compiled with the help of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counsellors and Therapists and Judith Seifer, Ph.D., R.N. President of the American Association of Sex Education.

Read, enjoy, learn something new, and most importantly put those new found areas to the test!

1) Small of the Neck
Most women find light tongue flicks on this area highly sensual, however, don’t get carried away and give hickeys! Remember, we’re adults, not highschoolers!

2) Scalp
Ever wonder why SO many women seem to wash their hair? And why does your woman’s visit to the Hairdresser seem to send her into tizzies when she describes the simple experience of getting her hair washed and how good the jets feel on her scalp? Now you have the answer! Massaging the scalp or scratching it even ever so lightly, according to scientists, alleviates stress and also happens to have a built in bonus: Endorphins are released (pleasure hormones). So the next time your woman tells you she is too stressed out to relax, play hairdresser. You’ll be glad you did!

3) Outside of the Ear Lobe
Okay, I can hear you moaning already. But we already knew that one. No, I do not mean the WHOLE ear or whole earlobe. With the various protective substances and complexities of the inner ear area, most see to forget hundreds of sensitive nerve endings and blood vessels reside in the outside of the ear lobe. Bonus tip: Instead of blowing or doing the old tongue in the ear trick, Use your fingertip and lightly stoke it. It may work wonders!

4) Inside of the Arm
This is an area, according to many sex therapist and counsellors, that seems to be overlooked entirely in foreplay as well as in cuddling with loved ones. The trick here is to LIGHTLY run either your nails or the pads of your fingertips across the area of skin halfway between her elbow and wrist. According to those who have enjoyed this experience, it feels highly similar to someone tickling your palms lightly as well as producing warm sensations in other parts of the body.

5) Sacrum
The Sacrum, known to some as the “Bermuda Triangle of Lust” is the area found roughly above the crease of the buttocks near the base of the spine. Do not apply hard pressure. It will feel as if you are trying to give a spinal without anesthesia. Massage it lightly with a thumb and ask her how much pressure to add.

6) Inner Thigh
Now don’t go totally wild in this area. Too much of a good thing can ruin the impact. Lightly track a small to medium sized triangle from around 2-3 inches below the crotch to the inside of the knee and back up again. Hopefully, by the time you are ready to move you hands a bit higher, she will be ready as well.

7) Behind the Knee
One of the top totally neglected erotic areas on women. It has some of the softest, thinnest, and sensitive skin on the exposed body.

8) Achilles Tendon
This is a HIGHLY sensitive spot. Do NOT immediately go here soon after foreplay. Save this spot for much further along. Softly stroke just below the ankle bone (your choice inside or out) and then work slowly up toward the back of her knee.

9) Breasts
Totally obvious choice, and hence the reason it was left for last. Everyone and their grandmother knows that the breasts are highly erotic, however, when starting to move into this area, ignore the nipples. Some other techniques you can use is to use all five fingers to stroke each breast in different directions, and, instead of working your way from ground zero, begin starting at the breastbone or just about underneath the arm and slowly, slowly work your way toward the nipples. But, just stop short of it.