– Friday April 18 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

I’m the Blackest White Guy There Is (5:00PM EST) Jack
Well, after two days of wicked nice weather, it’s back to grey skies andfreezing temperatures. So much for running a few laps after work each day. Iguess in a couple of months the weather will be nice every single fucking day,and then I wont have any excuse for not going. It’s too bad that all the MountHolyoke girls wont be able to get their panties wet while I’m running aroundwith my shirt off.

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With the summer season coming it also means that some awesomemovies will be hitting theaters soon. Here’s my lowdown on what I think is goingto be hot, and how you can save yourself $20 by skipping some movies.

TheMatrix Reloaded – I seriously can not wait for this movie to come out.I’m looking forward to this more than I was when Attack of the Clones was lessthan a month away. I’ve tried to remain pretty much spoiler free, butthis site right here kind of shot that down. It open everywhere May15th, and I know that I’ll be waiting in line just like every other Matrixjunkie that’s out there.

Terminator3 – Although I loved the first movies, I’m really not to sure about thisone. First off there’s no James Cameron, Linda Hamilton, or Edward Furlong. Mostof the time when three of the people who made the previous movie bail on asequel it’s not a good sign. Plus Arnold’s last few movies haven’t really beenanything special. The T-X looks hot as hell, and I guess her nude scene at thebeginning is worth the price of admission so I’m sure I’ll see it at least oncethis summer.

Identity- Not really a summer flick, but the trailer for this joint looks pretty damngood. It shows a little too much of the story, so I think your best bet is tonot even watch it. Go in with as little knowledge of the film as you can, and Ithink you’ll have a blast.

And now for the dogs……

AmericanWedding – Do we really need a third American Pie movie?? I liked thefirst one alot (Shannon’s Elizabeth’s Tits) and the second one was decent, but athird one is just a little too much. It’s going to be the same ole shit justrehashed again with a somewhat different plot. Pie-Fucker will get his dickcaught in something, Stifler will cum-guzzle, or get pied on again, and PieFucker’s dad will spout some stupid advice and then the movie will end. JesusChrist can’t Hollywood come up with something original.

2Fast 2 Furious – With a gay name like this, I really hope it fails. Thefirst one was a decent popcorn flick, but how many times can one cop goundercover and illegally race cars? I think Vin Diesel was the smart one when hebailed on this pointless sequel.

LegallyBlonde 2 – Do I really need to explain why this movie is going to blow??

There’s a ton of other movies that will coming out, such as TheHulk, X-2, Pirates of the Caribbean, and S.W.A.T. Some of these movieswill do great, and I think some of them are going to blow smelly donkey balls.But what do I know, I’m just a chucklehead that works for a small pornosite…..

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