I Want a New Girlfriend – Thursday June 5

Don’t Always Fuck Her Hard (9:00PM EST) Jack
Today marks another milestone in my relatively short life. June 5th willforever be remember as the day I almost got my ass kicked by two hillbillyrednecks. Let me give you a little back story before I launch into my diatribeabout how much I fucking hate white trash. I hate people who don’t know how todrive properly, I hate women who don’t signal, I hate guys who feel the need tocut me off and then go 20 mph. Most people should have the right to drive, andonce I become ruler of the world it’ll be easier to get a fag in a pussy than toget yourself a license. Everyday on the way to work I have to make sure I don’tget behind Grandma, Soccer Mom, or “I Wish I Was in Nascar” businessman. So between trying to drink my coffee, and smoke a cigarette, I’m surprisedI make it to work every morning.

So this afternoon on my way back from Westfield, these two fucking redneckstry and cut off my little Grand Prix in there barely held together by bondo POStruck. Of course I lay on my horn, and don’t let them into my lane, sure itwasn’t the best thing to do, but there was like MILES of road behind me and theywould have plenty of time to merge into my lane then. As I’m looking into myrear view mirror I see this Grizzly Adams looking mother fucker yelling andgiving me the finger. Now since I’m a total prick in real life, I slow down theVERY safe speed of 25 mph. The guys starts riding my ass, and by the way hisface was turning color, I’m sure he was getting more pissed off by the second.So continuing on at my lightning fast speed, he decided to follow me to myhouse. As I’m pulling into my driveway I reach into the back of the car just tomake sure that the wooden bat I use for Sunday’s game is still there. Of courseit was, and it made feel just a little bit safer once I got out of the car.

As I stepped out of the car I finally got a good look at the asshole thatdecided following me would make his day better. He was a good size shorter thanme, and at least twice as wide. Even if the guy could kick my ass, I’m sure Icould outrun him pretty easily. But since I don’t back down from a fight, itdidn’t end that way. As this fat fuck is standing in my driveway yellingsomething about my driving skills, all I can think about is bashing this whitetrash’s head in. Just the satisfaction of taking one bad driver off the roadwould make me smile so insanely that you would think I needed to be committed. Ilistened to his shit for a couple of seconds before a list of foul language cameout of my mouth. Monica was a little taken aback, but since she was in the cartaking down his plate number I wasn’t really concerned with her at the moment.After a couple of minutes of calling him a pussy, he and he redneck fag buddygot back in their piece of shit and drove off. I can ONLY hope that they setfoot on my property again because I’ll come out there swinging and I wont stopuntil that mother fucker either can’t drive again, or until he stops breathing.

There’s a not a lot that pisses me off, but bad drivers is one of the thingsand I’m glad I got that off my chest. Now here’s something that always makes mefeel a lot better. PORNO! And the best porno is when it comes from fansof the site. Check out this broad here for some nice fan pics.

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A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wifehad curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read abook.

As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondlingher pussy. He did this only for a short while, then he would stop and resumereading his book.

The wife gradually became aroused with this, and thought that her husband wasseeking some response as encouragement before going any further. She got up andstarted stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked,”What are you doing taking your clothes off?”

The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it wasforeplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.”

The husband said, “No not at all.”

The wife then asked, “Well, what the hell were you doing then?”

Oh,” he said, “I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pagesin my book!”

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So last night I go down on Monica and eat her out while she’sasleep, and I get a huge fucking boner. Since I want to make the sex I shout Monica!wake up, wake up!!’ she turns around and says ‘For fucks sakes, did you HAVE towake me up just cause you got a nose bleed??’ Yes I am that disgusting.

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I Want a New Girlfriend – Tuesday March 25

Spring Break is Over (12:00PM EST) Jack
My Spring Break is finally over, so I guess it’s time to get back towork on the site. Not like I did anything good this year, but it was still kindof nice to just relax for a week, and not worry about school for 7 days. It’salso FINALLY getting warmer around this area, so I’ve been spending a majorityof my free time outside ‘enjoying’ mother nature.

That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about the site or anything so be preparedfor a slew of updates in the coming weeks. I’ve got some rent to pay, so theporn I will be a posting.

Obviously there’s a war going on also, so I’ve been flipping through everynews channel trying to get a new piece of news or information. It’s almostsurreal that we’re bombing the shit out of Iraq, because nothing has reallychanged here. I live pretty close to an air base, so the increase in planestaking off and landing is a constant reminder of what’s going on, but besidesthat it’s pretty much business as usual in these parts. My daily routine hasn’tchanged, and since most people in Massachusetts don’t know where Springfield is,I’m not too worried about any terrorist attacks. That’s not to say that somefucked up redneck wont try to drive his tractor into a building, but that’s onlya remote possibility.

Most people know some one who is fighting overseas though, and that’s alittle scary. A few years ago me and buddy were walking through the mall when acouple of recruiters stopped us and started giving us their speech and invitedus to meet with them down at their office. At this point in my life I wasn’treally doing anything productive so we both stopped down their a couple of dayslater. I took their little test and of course passed with flying colors. Theygave me the rundown and they way they make it sound is like you’re going onvacation. I didn’t really buy into it, and since I had a girlfriend I wasn’t tookeen on the idea of going to boot camp, and leaving my constant supply of poon.My buddy on the other hand bought into it all, and signed up for 6 years. Wewere both 20 at the time, and since I’m 24 now I can only assume that he’s overthere. Pretty fucked up to think that this kid who I ran track with is nowblasting Iraqi’s over there.

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On the relationship front, things are going really well. Me andMonica have been wicked good for the last couple of weeks, and it’s nice to knowthat things are really going to work out. It’s only going to get better once itstarts getting warmer, and I can’t fucking wait till she opens that pool ofhers. Gotta admit it’s not too shabby going out with a girls who’s family isfucking loaded. Of course that’s not why I’m going out with her… she’s got asmoking body too!!

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Sex on Campus :: I Want a New Girlfriend

College is the time to explore new sexual desires. You’re now living in close quarters with members of the opposite sex, no parents around to bust you, and plenty of free condoms available. Who wouldn’t expect massive amounts of sex going on….

When I first went to college I expected a wild orgy of girls throwing themselves on me. Huge partys where the beer flowed and the pussy begged to be fucked. Granted I was in for a shock, but my dream wasn’t so off after all. I was 17 when I enetered my freshman year, and I was ready for action. I was in a brand new place with brand new people. It’s was time for me to make my mark.

In college you’ll be able to get a date. Even if you were the class nerd in high school that all changes. Some girls will have a thing for the boy next door, or maybe the bad boy type. At college you’ll probably be going to bars, and they’re a prime hook up spot. So once you get on that first date, completing the deal might be the tough part…

First off in college you’re going to be sharing a room with at least another person. This can be a tough situation if you’re trying to get laid. Maybe you’ll get a roomate who is cool spending the night at a friend’s while you’re trying to get your groove on. Or maybe you’re roomate parties all the time and is never there. More likely than not though you’re gonna have to try and make some sort of plan so you got the room to yourself. Some girls wont really give a shit if there’s an audience for the show, but some others will turn quite frigid.

Even if you do get your roomate disapear you’re still going to have an audience. Remember those squeaky freshman beds, well if you’re rolling around on one of them, people downstairs, and next door are going to hear it. I can remember countless times hearing the familiar squeak of bed coils coming from upstairs. We used to bang the ceiling with brooms until it stopped. You don’t want to be you do you?

So if you can’t fuck in the dorm room where can you go? There are endless possibilities on where to go. Try the library first. Usually there’s only going to be bookworms, so they wont bother you at all. Find a private section and go about your business. The only chance of getting caught is by some nosy librarian.

The laundry room can be another great spot. Ever heard that rumor about intense orgasms on the spin cycle? Well, now is your chance to find out if they’re true. Grab a bunch of extra quarters and have a great night. Plus you’re killing two birds with one stone. Doing you’re laundry and getting your rocks off.

You can always go with the obvious student lounge. This can be a little tricky because you will have RAs walking around. If you’re an exhibitionist this might even be a turn on for you.

As you’re freshman year winds down to a close I’m sure you’ll find other key places to get down. If you have a special spot that you’ve claimed as your own, or have a story about getting caught give me an email or drop a line in the forums.

What’s Your Approach :: I Want a New Girlfriend

What’s your approach? Written By Madame XTC

Ok, so you’ve spotted her at the end of the bar, or across the crowded room. You think she may have looked at you a few times, but you aren’t absolutely sure. She’s talking to one of her girlfriends, sipping her drink. You think, “She’s the one” and you decide that you have to meet her. But what do you do next?

Option 1: Play it cool, joke around with your buddies about what a nice ass she has, and hope that she’ll come over and whisper “Take me home” in your ear. All I can say about this is “Good luck!”. And if she actually does it, it’s probably because she lost some kind of bet with her sorority sisters. There are certain natural laws in the universe, and one of them is that women DO NOT like to be the pursuer… they like to be the pursued. Someday, society might progress to the point where women feel comfortable approaching men, but there would have to be a MAJOR evolution in the male species in order for that to happen.

Option 2: Come up with some dazzling pickup line, wait until her friend goes to the bathroom or gets another drink, saunter over and feed her the line. Ok, so when has this EVER worked? Don’t underestimate women… they can smell a pickup line a mile a way. And if she acts like she’s falling for it, then she’s probably needy and desperate and would go home with just about anyone-AND she’ll probably start stalking you.

Option 3: Have a friend be your “buffer” by approaching them first, then introduce you later. Ha. If your friend has the nerve to go up and talk to these women, what’s going to keep him from hitting on her himself?

Option 4: Get really, really drunk and then ask her to dance. That way, if you make an ass out of yourself, you can blame it on the booze. Oh, just what every girl dreams of-a drunk guy asking her to dance! I can understand your fear of rejection, but be a man for once. Don’t make it seem like you’ve got your beer goggles on just looking to score.

Option 5: Have the DJ play “You’ve lost that Lovin’ feeling” and serenade her in front of everyone. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not Tom Cruise. You might get points for originality, but she’ll be so completely embarrassed that she’ll probably have to leave immediately. Save your serenade skills for your one-month anniversary. So, now that you know all the things NOT to do, what’s left? Well, my suggestion would be to put down your beer, check your breath, walk over to her, look her in the eyes, and say “Hi. My name is ______” and stick out your hand. At this point, one of two things is going to happen:

A.) She’s going to ignore you and you can crawl back to your barstool, finish getting drunk, and go home alone.
B.) She’s going to stick out her hand and tell you her name.

What have we learned here? Basically, women know within the first 5 seconds of meeting you whether or not they are interested in talking to you. Some women go to the bar or to parties to socialize and aren’t looking to get lucky, so if you come off like you’re trying to pick them up you’ll probably get shot down. You’re likely to get farther with girls if you just act like you want to meet them and not get them in the sack right away.

Here’s an example:

I was sitting in a Denny’s having breakfast, and a couple of booths away I noticed a guy that kept looking at me while he talked to a friend. When he got up the pay the check, he came over and quietly said “Hi. My name is Johnny, and I just wanted to tell you that seeing you smile has really made my day. Thank you.” And then (and this is the KEY here) he went to pay his bill. Of course, after about 10 seconds I had to chase after him because I thought that he was the most wonderful creature alive for saying that to me, and it was quite obvious that he didn’t want to bother me… but he let me know that he was interested. That’s all there is to it! I mean, the basic principle here is to let her know that you’ve noticed her and would like to get to know her-at this point you know it and she knows it! If she’s not interested, then she’ll just let you walk away. But, you can find solace in the fact that she probably has a lot more respect for you than if you would have tried some cheesy line.

Try it, and let me know what happens