– Thursday August 7 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Quick Update (12:00AM EST) Jack
Here’s a quick update for you porn fiends out there.

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At the Oldfolks home, there was an elderly woman, Myrtle, who was not quite mentallystable. Every so often the other residents would get an eyeful. It went likethis: Myrtle would strip out of her clothes and run out into the hallway. Atthis point she would stop in her tracks, start gyrating and begin yelling,”Super Sex! Super Sex! Super Sex!” Most days, the orderlies wouldquickly throw a gown around poor old myrtle and take her back to her room, andthat would be the end of it.
One day the Old folks home got a new resident, a friendly old man named George.George, who wished to get accustomed to his new residence as quickly aspossible, asked about the goings on around the Home.
“Oh, things are pretty sweet here,” said one of the orderlies.”You get three meals a day cooked for you, You can have visitors wheneveryou want, and there is an incredible duck pond out back. Although… you have towatch out for Myrtle.”
George inquired about Myrtle, but all he could get out of anyone was a devilish,”Just wait and you’ll see.”
Several weeks pass, and then one day George was in his room, quietly reading amagazine. Out of the blue, In walks Myrtle, who had somehow made it all the waydown the hall, wearing nothing but a smile. George is wondering what to make ofall this when old Myrtle starts to gyrate around the room crying out,”Super Sex! Super Sex! Super Sex!”
Needless to say, Old George is a bit taken aback when in come the orderlies,throw a gown over the poor woman and escort her back to her room.
“Well George,” Says one of the orderlies, “That was Myrtle. Sowhat do you think?”
George ponders this for a moment, looks at the orderly, and says,
“To be honest, I think I’d rather have the Soup.”

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A man callshome to his wife and says, ” Honey I have been asked to go fishing up inCanada with my boss &; several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. Thisis a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so couldyou please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box?We’re leaving from the office &; I will swing by the house to pick my thingsup. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she does exactlywhat her husband asked.
The following week-end he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, “Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill and a few Pike. But whydidn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”
The wife replies, “I did, they’re in your tackle box.”

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The Top12 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love

12. “Ahhh! Yoda’s little friend you seek!”
11. “Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must.”
10. “Feel the force!”
9. “Foreplay, cuddling – a Jedi craves not these things.”
8. “Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!”
7. “Do me or do me not – there is no try.”
6. “Early must I rise. Leave now you must!”
5. “You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank
Oz’s hand up my ass.”
4. “Happens to every guy sometimes this does.”
3. “When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too,hmmmm?”
2. “Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!”
1. “Who’s your Jedi master? WHO’S your Jedi Master?”
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SnappyAnswers:
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As aman approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trenchcoat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said Sir I need to see yourticket, not your stub.”
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’tfind one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do theseturkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’redead.”
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled downhis window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The kidreplied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the copfinally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Nowclass, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I mightconsider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death inyour immediate family but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, “Whatwould you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexualexhaustion?”
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. Whensilence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakesher head, and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the examwith your other hand.”

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Menknow…..that Mother Nature’s best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
Men know…..that PMS is Mother Nature’s way of telling you to get out of thehouse.
Men know…..that if she looks like your mother, run.
Men know…..that there are at least three sides to every story: his, hers, andthe truth.
Men know…..never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
Men know…..that cats are evil and cannot be trusted.
Men know…..how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
Men know…..exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas willget them.
Men know…..that from time to time, is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.
Men know…..that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stareat her cleavage.
Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons nottotally clear to them.
Men know…..that the reason men don’t like cats is because they don’t know howto cook them.
Men know…..that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name isBambi…
Men know…..that it’s never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good hisdaughter is in bed.
Men know…..that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.

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A blind manis walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busyintersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on thestreet, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This isfollowed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers trydesperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the otherside of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket,which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident,can’t control his amazement and says to the blind man, “Why on earth areyou rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!”
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, “To find outwhere his head is, so I can kick his ass.”

Get the Girl In Class to Notice You :: I Want a New Girlfriend

So you’ve got a hot girl in your class that you want to notice you. You’ve made eye contact with her a couple of times, and you think you might have a shot with her. Here are some good ways to make a lasting impression with her.

1. Show Interest in Other Women
Try a little bit of flirting with another girl in your class. This works especially well if you’re working in groups, or have an out of class assignment. Or even better yet, go up to the girl you like and compliment another girl in the class. Watch how she reacts, jealous or bothered. If she gets a little upset, it’s because she wants you to compliment her.

2. Be a Challenge
This can be the easiest and the hardest part of the list. You don’t want to be like every other guy that has been hitting on her. Make yourself a challenge to her.

3. Leave At The Same Time
This is a great way to maybe strike up a conversation. As the class is wrapping up make sure you’re out the door the same time she is. There are tons of opening lines you can use here. If you’re headed in a different direction to class than she is, make sure you keep going with her. It’s worth being a couple minutes late for class if you have the chance of getting her number.

4. Try and See Her Outside of Class
If you know what some if her interests are outside of school, try and be involved with them. It’s a great way to meet even more people too. Of course sign up for the groups that you like also. You don’t want to be stuck in some knitting club if things don’t work out with the dream girl.

5. Make Her See Your Good Side
If your at a party where she is, make sure that you’re the one helping other people out, and not being the drunk loser. It also would be in your best interest not to get drunk and flirt with everyother girl there. Even if you have to put your playing skills on hold for a week or two, it’ll be worth it in the end.

6. Just Talk to Her
Some of the hottest girls have the most boring lives. Guys are intimidated by their beauty and don’t have the balls to talk to them, let alone ask them out. Just remember that she is a normal human being, not a goddess or anything. Don’t end up being her ‘brother’ though. The only action you’ll get then is the Sunday night make over with her Sorority Sisters.

These are just some basic ways to get the girl to notice you. There are many others and I’ll post some more here soon.

– Monday July 28 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

I Hate Super Cuts (12:00AM EST) Jack
Yet I keep going back to them for haircuts… While me and Monica weregoing out, she cut my hair so I didn’t have to pay to get butchered every coupleof months. The other day I notice that my hair is getting pretty shaggy, andit’s about time for a trim. One thing I do love about getting my haircut is thefeeling of some hot broad running her fingers through my hair. I would totallysay that my bigger head is an erogenous zone, and anytime a hot Asianhairdresser is fondling me, I find it hard not to pitch a tent under that thingthey throw on you.

In other boring news I got all my shit together for school and afterSeptember 1st, I will officially have no life at all. Don’t expect too manyposts cause my second home will now be the classrooms over at STCC. I’ll begoing to school Mon thru Thursday taking some of the most boring classes ever.Also the chances of any of these classes having a single girl that is somewhatdoable are slim to fucking none. I guess It’ll all be worth it when I graduateMagna Cum Laude on� some broads titties

Driving down a countryroad, a man sees a sign for “St. Mary’s Brothel and Convent.” Hechuckles, and keeps going. But after seeing a few more signs, he realizes he hasto know what goes on at a whorehouse run by nuns. So he takes the turn, andparks. Welcomed inside, a nun greets him.
“I’m Sister Superior of St. Mary’s Holy Brothel and Convent. Are you interestedin our services?”
The man is a little flustered, but chokes out that he would indeed…but whatexactly can he get?
She replies, just loud enough to be heard “It’s $100 to be fucked.”
The man quickly goes to his wallet…because how often does one get to sleepwith a nun for a hundred bucks. The money in hand, the sister superior leads himup down a few hallways, covered in pictures of Christ, and Mother Mary, and thelike. She gets to a hall with a few rooms on each side, and asks what kind ofgirl he would like.
“Blonde?”
“Right this way,” she replies, and ushers him to the last door.
As he goes through the door, she shoves him, and he falls off the back steps ofthe building. As he picks himself up, he hears the door slam and lock. Hescreams for her to let him back in until he’s blue in the mouth. As he finallyturns around, he sees a sign:
“You’ve been fucked by St. Mary’s Brothel and Convent!”

Sometimes when I’m bored Itake a nice little walk through the park… Some days I flirt with the girlswalking their dogs and other times I catch something like this!

A man walks into a bar and sits down for a drink. The womansitting next to him couldn’t help but notice the sad look on his face as heorders a drink. She proceeds to ask him “What’s wrong”
“My wife left me,” the man replies.
“Oh, that is so sad, I am sorry to here that,” says the woman.”Why did she leave you?”
“Well, to be honest, she said that I was too kinky.”
The woman then says “Well, you won’t believe this, but just last year myhusband left me, for the very same reason. What do you say we finish thesedrinks, head back to my place, and see what happens?”
The man agrees, And when they get back to her place, she tells him to makehimself comfortable and proceeds to the bedroom. She decides to make the best ofit, and pulls out her finest kinky outfit. Black leather boots that go to herknees. Crotch less panties, and a bustier in black patent leather. A spikedcollar and long black gloves. She ties her hair back in a tight pony tail, grabsher whip and heads for the door.
As she walks out she sees the man just opening the door to leave. “Whereare you going?” she asks. “I thought we were going to have somefun.”
The man replies , “I already fucked your dog and shit in your purse. I’mout of here.”

A blonde isroller-skating down the board-walk one day. She’s just skating along in herlycra shorts, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. She decides thatshe really needs a haircut.
She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser andsays, “I need a haircut.” The hairdresser checks her out and says,”OK, sit down and take off your headphones.”
“No way!” shouts the blonde, “If I take off my headphones, I’lldie!”
“Then I can’t give you a haircut,” replies the hairdresser.
So the blonde gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. Shesees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, “I need ahaircut… but you can’t take off my headphones or I’ll die!”
The hairdresser looks at her a little weird, but says, “OK, no problem.Have a seat.” So the blonde sits down and the hairdresser comes up behindher, and when she isn’t looking, he rips the headphones off her head.
Suddenly the blonde starts choking, and soon turns blue in the face, then keelsover and dies right there in the salon chair.
The hairdresser is a little freaked by this. He leans over and cautiouslylistens into the blonde’s headphones and he hears…
“Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…”

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– inthevip – Mega Cock Cravers- CumFiesta – Mike’s Apartment –

Here’s a list of sexual positionsthat I came across…..

Anal Boot [n] When you takea pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock andthen the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouthof the loser of a bet or Drinking game.
Australian Death Grip [n] The act of grabbing a woman by thehaunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you’re slapped or kissed.A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity forwagering among friends.
Ball Sacking [v] stretching of the scrotum over the face of someonesleeping or passed out, having a picture taken and posting it on the internetBeef Curtain [n] The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched likePlay-doh for an hour or so of jimmy-jam (aka Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, PissFlappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).

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An extremely shy and very modestman was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left hisdigestive system upset.
Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided that thelatest was another false alarm, so he stayed put in his bed. He suddenly filledhis bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threwthem out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He startedyelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets ina tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who hadwatched the whole incident walked up and asked, “What was that allabout?” Still staring down at his feet, the drunk replied: “I think Ijust beat the shit out of a ghost”

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington(Huskies) chemistry midterm. The answer was so “profound” that the professorshared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying itas well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbsheat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, (gas coolsoff when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing with time. So we need toknow the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they areleaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, itwill not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls areentering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the worldtoday. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of theirreligions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we canproject that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls inHell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volumein Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature andpressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls areadded. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enterHell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hellbreaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of soulsin Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. Sowhich is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshmanyear�”�that it would be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.:–and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexualrelations with her, then #2 cannot be true; and thus I am sure that Hell isexothermic and will not freeze.
The student Received the only “A” given.

Here’s a little story from a ‘cam girl’ called Ashley. She’s pretty hot andI’d let smoke my pole if she was actually still in this country. She’s from thesame state as me, so I’m sure I’ll eventually get into her pants.

How To Get in a Girl’s Pants

I’m Ashley and I’m not easy. I don’t think that’s why Jack asked me to writethis article, but it’s probably important to know since this is me writing abouthow to get into a girl’s pants. Anyway I was told that I wasn’t easy by a prettygood source and I trust his judgment. Naturally I’d have my panties off for Jackin a second, but who wouldn’t? Seriously.
Something important to remember is that most girls are just as superficial asguys are, so seriously – if you’re completely busted, your options are probablylimited. I have problems with kissing ugly guys – meaning I can’t bring myselfto do it. And if I can’t kiss a guy, I’m probably not going to fuck him. Myadvice would be to focus on girls that are at about the same level ofattractiveness that you are; they’re already used to what they’re seeing in themirror every day and probably won’t have a problem with you.
Once you’ve proven yourself able to actually get a reasonably attractive girlthat you want to have sex with, the best thing to do is not turn into a completejackass. That point should be obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many guysfuck that one up. Bear in mind that despite what you may think, her sole purposein life is not to service you. If she says that she doesn’t want to have sex,don’t say “please” because it probably won’t change her mind and don’tthrow a temper tantrum. Girls find that a serious turnoff. However, if she’sjust a cocktease, she doesn’t deserve your respect anyway and you should dropher off on the nearest street corner. That’s just my opinion.
It’s also important to remember that being sensitive isn’t as important as onewould think. I personally tend to think any guy I meet who is overly sensitive,attentive, and all that stuff that’s supposed to characterize the perfect male,is gay. So don’t fall into the sensitivity trap. I mean you should complimenther and treat her well absolutely – but empathizing with absolutely every aspectof her feminine issues sets off gaydar in almost any girl’s mind.
So basically, to recap – don’t waste your time on cockteases or girls that areclearly too good for you, don’t turn into a complete jackass, and don’t act gay- those things basically guarantee you’ll be sleeping alone. I’m done.

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Clickhere for more girls getting fucked on the Bang Boat!

Clickhere for more girls getting fucked on the Bang Boat!

Well, that’s all for another couple of days.Thanks for reading!! Ohyeah, don’t forget to check out Teen Rave where the hottest teens pose in thebest galleries!

Marna’s Live Room | Fuck a Cam Girl – Live Cam Girls

Web wide crawl with initial seedlist and crawler configuration from March 2011. This uses the new HQ software for distributed crawling by Kenji Nagahashi.

What’s in the data set:

Crawl start date: 09 March, 2011
Crawl end date: 23 December, 2011
Number of captures: 2,713,676,341
Number of unique URLs: 2,273,840,159
Number of hosts: 29,032,069

The seed list for this crawl was a list of Alexa’s top 1 million web sites, retrieved close to the crawl start date. We used Heritrix (3.1.1-SNAPSHOT) crawler software and respected robots.txt directives. The scope of the crawl was not limited except for a few manually excluded sites.

However this was a somewhat experimental crawl for us, as we were using newly minted software to feed URLs to the crawlers, and we know there were some operational issues with it. For example, in many cases we may not have crawled all of the embedded and linked objects in a page since the URLs for these resources were added into queues that quickly grew bigger than the intended size of the crawl (and therefore we never got to them). We also included repeated crawls of some Argentinian government sites, so looking at results by country will be somewhat skewed.

We have made many changes to how we do these wide crawls since this particular example, but we wanted to make the data available “warts and all” for people to experiment with. We have also done some further analysis of the content.

If you would like access to this set of crawl data, please contact us at info at archive dot org and let us know who you are and what you’re hoping to do with it. We may not be able to say “yes” to all requests, since we’re just figuring out whether this is a good idea, but everyone will be considered.

wondergirl . revisited

Wayback MachineAbout this captureCOLLECTED BY Organization: Internet Archive The Internet Archive discovers and captures web pages through many different web crawls.At any given time several distinct crawls are running, some for months, and some every day or longer.View the web archive through the Wayback Machine. Collection: Wayback Indexes Wayback indexes. This data is currently not publicly accessible. TIMESTAMPSloading

photo by adrian, 2006.

returning soon.