Porn Porn Porn (12:00AM EST) Jack
Well, it’s the end of a great weekend and I’m here to tell you all about what I did. Today I picked up my season tickets for Six Flags and tried out all their new rides. Unfortunately most of the rides weren’t in commission but most of them were going. Based on today it looks like it’s going to be a great summer. Between Six Flags, sitting by the pool, and drinking like a rock star this summer is going to be pretty full.
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One evening after a few drinks at the local tavern, two buddies named Jack and Bernie started discussing their wives. Quickly the conversation moved on to orgasms.
Bernie asked Jack, “Did you know that there are four different types of orgasms?”
Jack replied, “Really? I had no idea. What are they?”
Bernie answered, “Well, they are the Positive, Negative, Religious, and the Fake.”
“What’s the difference? asked Jack.
Bernie replied, “The Positive goes, ‘Oh yes! Ooh yes!’ The Negative goes, ‘Oh no! Oh no!’ The Religious goes, ‘Oh God! Oh God!’ And, the Fake one goes, ‘Oh Jack! Oh Jack!'”
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Revenge of the Fat Face – This is the type of girl who just posts her face because either she has a wicked fat body, or it’s just nasty. She also has that little whore look that I like, but it’s only a good thing if she has the body to match. She’s probably a girl that’s good from far, but far from good.
Attack of the ASS – This girl is just inviting anything with a dick to stick it in her holiest of holy places. She goes to WNEC which is a pretty upscale school around these parts. I’ve only been there a couple of times, but when I was going to AIC, our schools used to party at the same bar. Most of the girls from there were pretty easy, and also pretty loose. Maybe that’s why she’s showing off her ass, she knows that her poon is damaged goods. But hey what do I know.. I’ve been fucking the same girl for like a year now.
Nice Little Ass – Nice little body on this broad…. Too bad her face is kind of fucked up..
I’ll start posting some of the AIM conversations I have with these girls. I think they’re funny and I’ll let you decide if you want more of them.
Here’s some sites that I read when I’m not spanking my monkey.
– Mental Ernie – Ape Child – Cam Mafia – Crazy Fucked Up Shit – Ehowa –
Here’s some sites that I read when I’m looking for some high class porn.
– Back Seat Bangers – Gang Bang Squad – Girls Get Crazy – Porn Stud Search –
Thursday April 17 – 2003
Date: Thursday, April 17 @ Eastern Daylight Time
I’m Back Like Herpes (12:00AM EST) Jack
Well, after taking some time off to collect my thoughts, get some school work done, and make the sex with my girlfriend I’m back posting on this site again. I always mean to post everyday, but it seems like I never have enough time. So with summer coming I’m going to try and make a little extra effort to keep the site updated. I know it’s probably the dumbest time to have classy updates, but hey I’m sure all of you don’t hang out at the beach.
So since the last time I posted I’ve broken up with the woman, got back together, broken up AGAIN, and finally got back together today. It’s so fucking gay what we argue about, but it always seem to blow up into something huge. I guess since we get back together all’s well that ends well. We’ve got a nice little plan to go away for Memorial Day, so I’m hoping I can pull it together at least until then.
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So what else has been going on with me since I’ve been away? Well, I’ve been going to the gym and I’m starting to lose this spare tire that I’ve built up. I’m not looking for a six-pack or anything but this beer gut has really got to go. Plus these man-boobies that I’ve developed are really pissing me off too. I feel a million times better since I’ve been going, so that’s a good thing too.
Other than that, it’s pretty much business than usual. Summer is coming which is always a good thing. I’ve got a few projects I want to develop this Summer and the break from classes will give me the time to do it.
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Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it’s annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they’ll never understand…
1. Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble off-shore drilling equipment is well-documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like “professional” or “industrial strength”, because inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish-fulfilment played out at a higher testorerone level. But occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with “operating theatre-quality air”. I kept him away from my surgical-steel steak knives.
2. Why we are so bad at shopping.
We’ve never been trained to do it the right way. Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males – which is why if you send a man out to but eggs, sugar and bread you should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of wine, a pair of jeans and a tree.
3. The reason why we don’t like to discuss The Relationship.
Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those conversations that start with questions like “Are you really happy?” and “Where do you see us going?” A relationship is a delicate thing, like an antique clock, and we know what will happen if we start picking it apart. Often our reticence will result in a lengthy conversation about why we have trouble talking about The Relationship.
4. Why we think we can fix things.
Almost all men believe they can repair virtually anything with a little patience. In reality, we’re only half right. Men are extremely good at taking things apart: whether it’s a dishwasher or an antique clock, a man can break it down to its most basic components in no time. Unfortunately, this is where our expertise usually leaves off, and we’re mostly satisfied with leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper on the kitchen table.
5. Men and video games.
Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen. When a man repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he has to work late and routinely comes home at two in the morning all glassy-eyed, she will usually take this as evidence of an affair – when it’s more likely that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making the rounds at the office.
6. That sometimes we really are ill.
When men get ill, women are generally united in their belief that we are faking it. This is based on a tired old axiom stating that men will never fully understand the agony of childbirth so deserve no sympathy regarding matters of pain, fear or incapacitation. For the record, it should be noted that all men are in a constant state of feeling slightly under the weather just from being men. It’s only a misplaced sense of machismo that forces us from our beds every day to go into work and then down to the pub for a couple of schooners of the only thing that ever makes us feel any better.
7. The way we watch television.
Men don’t just watch the TV, they plug right in. Once we’re on the right wavelength, we can watch almost anything, including commercials, with a slack-jawed intensity which probably drives you crazy. Unfortunately for women, men cannot achieve this higher state without a firm grasp on the remote.
8. Our sense of humor.
When women say that what they most want from a man is a sense of humor, they tend to mean something different from what we mean. Women never understand the comic genius of your mate who makes beer come out of his nose.
9. Why we’re so boring.
Male conversation generally relies heavily on petty obsession, technical jargon, numbing detail and presumed expertise. Topics that women only feel the need to mention in passing become Test-Match length debates among men. True, some of us are able to combine a scintillating wit with a flair for story-telling and a nose for gossip, but we tend to reserve these talents for conversations with women. Between ourselves, the drive to talk at length about tire pressure or “Star Trek” episodes is too alluring. Even if your local pool team boasted Socrates, Einstein and Oscar Wilde as members, you’d still probably have to discuss the fastest way to get to the freeway.
10. The male menopause.
Mid-life crisis, the seven-year itch, whatever you like to call it – women don’t understand the seriousness of this condition, instead seeing it only as an excuse for a man to resign from his job, buy a Harley Davidson and start a relationship with a woman a third of his age. Like there has to be more to it than that.
Don’t Always Fuck Her Hard (9:00PM EST) Jack
Today marks another milestone in my relatively short life. June 5th willforever be remember as the day I almost got my ass kicked by two hillbillyrednecks. Let me give you a little back story before I launch into my diatribeabout how much I fucking hate white trash. I hate people who don’t know how todrive properly, I hate women who don’t signal, I hate guys who feel the need tocut me off and then go 20 mph. Most people should have the right to drive, andonce I become ruler of the world it’ll be easier to get a fag in a pussy than toget yourself a license. Everyday on the way to work I have to make sure I don’tget behind Grandma, Soccer Mom, or “I Wish I Was in Nascar” businessman. So between trying to drink my coffee, and smoke a cigarette, I’m surprisedI make it to work every morning.
So this afternoon on my way back from Westfield, these two fucking redneckstry and cut off my little Grand Prix in there barely held together by bondo POStruck. Of course I lay on my horn, and don’t let them into my lane, sure itwasn’t the best thing to do, but there was like MILES of road behind me and theywould have plenty of time to merge into my lane then. As I’m looking into myrear view mirror I see this Grizzly Adams looking mother fucker yelling andgiving me the finger. Now since I’m a total prick in real life, I slow down theVERY safe speed of 25 mph. The guys starts riding my ass, and by the way hisface was turning color, I’m sure he was getting more pissed off by the second.So continuing on at my lightning fast speed, he decided to follow me to myhouse. As I’m pulling into my driveway I reach into the back of the car just tomake sure that the wooden bat I use for Sunday’s game is still there. Of courseit was, and it made feel just a little bit safer once I got out of the car.
As I stepped out of the car I finally got a good look at the asshole thatdecided following me would make his day better. He was a good size shorter thanme, and at least twice as wide. Even if the guy could kick my ass, I’m sure Icould outrun him pretty easily. But since I don’t back down from a fight, itdidn’t end that way. As this fat fuck is standing in my driveway yellingsomething about my driving skills, all I can think about is bashing this whitetrash’s head in. Just the satisfaction of taking one bad driver off the roadwould make me smile so insanely that you would think I needed to be committed. Ilistened to his shit for a couple of seconds before a list of foul language cameout of my mouth. Monica was a little taken aback, but since she was in the cartaking down his plate number I wasn’t really concerned with her at the moment.After a couple of minutes of calling him a pussy, he and he redneck fag buddygot back in their piece of shit and drove off. I can ONLY hope that they setfoot on my property again because I’ll come out there swinging and I wont stopuntil that mother fucker either can’t drive again, or until he stops breathing.
There’s a not a lot that pisses me off, but bad drivers is one of the thingsand I’m glad I got that off my chest. Now here’s something that always makes mefeel a lot better. PORNO! And the best porno is when it comes from fansof the site. Check out this broad here for some nice fan pics.
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A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wifehad curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read abook.
As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondlingher pussy. He did this only for a short while, then he would stop and resumereading his book.
The wife gradually became aroused with this, and thought that her husband wasseeking some response as encouragement before going any further. She got up andstarted stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked,”What are you doing taking your clothes off?”
The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it wasforeplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.”
The husband said, “No not at all.”
The wife then asked, “Well, what the hell were you doing then?”
Oh,” he said, “I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pagesin my book!”
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So last night I go down on Monica and eat her out while she’sasleep, and I get a huge fucking boner. Since I want to make the sex I shout Monica!wake up, wake up!!’ she turns around and says ‘For fucks sakes, did you HAVE towake me up just cause you got a nose bleed??’ Yes I am that disgusting.
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Webmaster Drug Stories Part #1 (12:00AM EST) Wolfy
What’s up y’all, Wolfy from beerandshots.com here. I figure since this seems to be turning into a free-for-all, I might as well get in!
Jack said something a few days ago about smoking crack, and how all webmasters should just admit that they smoke the shit every now and then… I agree! And to prove my sincerity, I’ll let you read about my most recent excursion into the depths of depravity.
It was about 9 pm, and I was a little tossed from drinking close to a 12 pack. I’m always a bit more likely to cave in to my dark desires when I’m a bit tore up, and it’s too early to go to bed. Luckily Unfortunately for me, there’s a crack motel right up the road – I can ride my mountain bike to it (and not worry about getting pulled over in my new car) and pick up some yellow. It’s pretty simple, all you do is ride around and look for the nastiest ho you’ve ever laid eyes on – she can hook you up, for sure! As you can guess, the tweaked out little snatch was peaking out of her curtains – her eyes saw a new face, her unstable brain saw a way to get a hit or two. Sure enough, out she comes, rubber-necking for signs of the police. When she didn’t see any she strode up to me and starts making small talk.
Now, I was fucked up, but I was nowhere near fucked up enough to not realize this crackho was straight nasty. I mean sagging tits, a flat ass, 2 teeth, bug eyes – the works. Finally she asks me if I want a blowjob. Not any blowjob, but “…the best blowjob in the south, baby…” I didn’t actually fall on the ground laughing, but I came close. Finally I told her “No, I just wanna have some fun another way”. She sad she could hook me up, and we went to her room.
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Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, I was in the dirty tramp’s room waiting for the crackman to show up. He shows up, tries to pass a $10 rock as a $40, I tell him “Fuck you”, he adds a little bit, I tell him “Fuck you” again, etc etc.. Finally it’s right and he gets lost. I had told the wench I’d hook her up for hooking me up, so I stayed. Plus I don’t indulge often enough to keep my own pipe, and I wanted to use hers rather than smoke out of a can.
A couple of hits into it, my head starts buzzing. Really fucking buzzing – I close my eyes, breathe, run my fingers through my hair… You know, all the shit you do when you get a high like that. Suddenly I feel a tugging on my pants, and I think about the bitch going for my loot – but I never bring extra cash on a dope run, it’s just stupid. The fact is, she was pulling my pants down! She mumbles something about sucking my cock for $10, I didn’t care. “Do it, bitch”. So she starts slobbing on my one eyed wonder, and I feel the scrape of those two lonely teeth. Holy shit! What the fuck am I DOING??!! Can anyone imagine what two teeth could do to my cock if she happened to go into a spasm??? It would be like a damn snake bite, and lord knows I could never be fucked up enough to sit still for that! Needless to say, the bitch ruined my high – I pulled up my pants, grabbed my bike and left the whore on her knees screaming “You were supposed to leave me some you fucker!!”
So which webmaster goes next?
I’d like to thank Wolfy again for posting such a classy story. Check out his site if you’re into naked girls and stuff. And if you don’t like it, you’re probably a homo.