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The Condom Factory :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Ok guys face it, in this day and age we need to give the little guy a hat. It’s not safe to pick up some bar slut and screw her and send her on her way anymore. She can leave little lingering traces of her presence with you. And that’s something we don’t need our girlfriends finding out about. You don’t really want to give your girl herpes, so check out this list and let me know what you think.

Buying condoms can be a pretty nerve racking experience. First off you don’t want to have to ask the pharmacist which brand to buy, because first he’s probably 90, and second he probably has no more clue about the best kinds either. So here are a few tips.

The Free Condoms From the Bar

These are the WORST condoms you could find anywhere. They are ripped half of the time before you even open them, and if they’re not, they usually rip when it comes down to the big act. Stay away from these at all costs. You’ll end up the daddy of some bar slut’s kid.

The Non Lubricated Ones

I’ve used these once or twice, and I was not impressed at all. I guess you’re supposed to use them mainly for oral sex, but I don’t see the point. Some people may be allergic to the spermicide that other condoms use so these could be an option. One thing you do have to be careful of is there is no back-up if the condom breaks or falls off. Try to be extra careful with these types of condoms.

The Large Condoms

Buy these condoms if you think you need them. Don’t be a macho man though and buy them cause you think you got a big johnson. Condoms should be secure, but they also shouldn’t be so stretched out that they’re going to snap. You can always try a couple of different brands to see which ones fit you the best.

The Small Condoms

On the other end of the spectrum if you’re little johnson is falling out of the regular condoms try some of these. Don’t think that you’re any less of a man because you buy the training condoms, just remember it’s not the size the anvil, it’s how you move it…. or something like that. Ladies you might have to be the one to bring this up, no man is going to voluntarily admit that his package is not big enough for the condom.

Ribbed For Her Pleasure

As far as novelty condoms go, this is probably the best one there is. It has little bumps on the condom designed to give the girl a little bit more pleasure. Also in this category are the flavor condoms. I really think that they are a waste of time. If any girl makes you wear a condom while she is giving you head, it’s time to lose her. Or next time she wants to get eaten out, put a piece of saran wrap over her pussy and see how she likes it…….

I myself am not a big fan on condoms. Yes they are required for any type of casual sex, but if I’m in a monogamous relationship there is no way I’ll wear one. I hate the way they feel, and the way they lessen the feel. Ladies go with the pill!!!

March 1 – 15 2001 Post Archive :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Thursday March 15, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Hump Her In the Dumper! (5:20PM EST)Jack
I was thinking back to a time in my life when I had no problem gettinggirls. Of course I was only 14, but that’s beside the point. I was working as abus-boy in this restaurant making enough money to spend on baseball cards andvideo games. The job was fun, and it didn’t really require any use of my brain,which was perfect during the summer time.

As I’ve explained before, summer on Cape Cod is a chickfree-for-all. If you stick your arm out at the beach, you’re bound to hit atleast one hot chick. Her boyfriend might beat the crap out of you, but that’sbeside the point. Back in the day when I had all my hair, and no beer gut, I didalright. Especially in the summers. Now back the little story.

So I’m working clearing tables and shit, when I notice a tablefull of blondes. Now this isn’t some Hustler story so I’ll tell the truth. Itwas basically a couple of hot chicks with their mom, and her mom’s sister or soI thought. So I give the Jack grin to the table and proceed to go on working.

Like a half hour later, the table’s waitress comes up to me andsays that the blonde chick table wants to see me. I figure I’m pretty smooth, Ican talk to these fine ladies with stains all over my shirt, and still come offas a respectable kid. I wander over there with my head held high and ready toput some moves on the ladies…..

As fate would have it, the elder blonde speaks first…Bla-blaing about the weather, and other stuff like traffic and crap like that. Ifigure this all pretty much pointless until, the classic words leave her mouth.”Would you like to show my daughter around some night this week……”It was like a ray from heaven came down and lit up this chick’s face.

She was a quiet girl, but she was super hot… So I toldthe mom that I would be happy to show her daughter some of the more excitingparts of Cape Cod. We made plans to get together at the beach and I’d take herout after that. Now remember, I’m like 14 and no where’s near driving a car. Iknew I had to think of something, otherwise I’d be shit out of luck with thischick.

Part 2. Tomorrow

OldNews / Forums

Slap Her in the Crapper! (2:57PM EST)Jack
Today has been a long day, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to endanytime soon. Couple of cool links to throw out to you people today though.Check out Banned From1515. Wicked new site, but I’m sure it’s going to get even better asmore shit is added. Plus it’s from the guy that made those cool banners we’vegot floating around now.

Also check out Kymbly’sSite. This is girl is one hot piece of ass, too bad she’s got aboyfriend. She’ll be moonlighting on one of the cam portals, not sure which onejust yet. Another quick site to spend some time on is MyEx Sucks. If you’ve got an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend story, send itin to me, and then send it into their site.

– My Huge Cock- Bad Tattoo – MyEx-Girlfriend’s Shaved Pussy –

– My LunchHour – Sign Says- Fly Sex –

The Dope On Scooby Doo

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood,right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really about. Aswe’ve gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma,and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes ofall sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop acrossthe country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sorts — andin the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ridearound the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning their way byselling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve amystery. It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence… TakeShaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current ‘grunge’scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a’burner’, i.e., he smokes pot. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggycan make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints,Scooby gets his ‘high’ from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies.Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! Itjust blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are solit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggyand Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps supporttheir jaunts across the country (and the world — they drove to China once).These other characters do have their own peculiarities however… Fred andDaphne are always splintering off from the group to go ‘solve the case’ bythemselves. It’s no real mystery what these two are really doing — they’regetting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne, with her pretty pinklegs, and Fred are constantly bumping uglies.

Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mysterythough, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone’s least favorite of the cast, was of course, alesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also intobeastiality. Where do you think Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dogyet spoke perfect English, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin’dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and fucking their dog, while allthe while looking for the perfect ‘hit’. Oh if we had only known these thingswhen we watched this cartoon as children…

Wednesday March 14, 2001

OldNews / Forums

How Drunk Would You Have To Be…. (8:12PM EST)Jack
To get nasty with me?? I guess it would only take about 14beers for the ladies to let me know them personally, if you know what Imean. I guess that’s pretty good. If you got a minute govote for meand try not to be douche bags and click on the 30 pack link.Let’s see if I can get my ugly mug up to Number 1. For tons of fun, check out HowMany Would It Take.

Another great site to check out is Classor Sex. Tons of great pictures, stories, and posts from the huge assschool a couple of towns over from me. Theseguys are from Springfield too, so I’ve got to show a little support tolocal peeps. Maybe they can hook me up with some Western MA whores…

I’m just about out of here, so if you’ve got something for melook at send an email.I wanna hear what you have to say about the site, me, and anything else.

OldNews / Forums

Fucking Cock Knocker! (7:12PM)Jack
I noticed the front page was loading extremely slow, so I moved a lot ofthe posts to the Old News section. Check it out if you want to read any of theshit that was here before.

Holy FuckingSnootchie Bootchies!! One of my favorite sites actually gave a me aplug!! I don’t shit get’s much better than when your idolswebpage throws a shout out to ya! I just wanted to say thanks, and I’ll be thereon August 10th for JASBSB!

– Jay and SilentBob – Tough Being a Dick- Dick and Jane – Japanese-

– Safe Sex – Vacuum- Sperm Chat – ShitHappens – Brush –

OldNews / Forums

Hot Broads (3:09PM EST)Jack
I’d bang this chick, wouldn’t you? She’s all concerned and shit that she’snot good enough to be on this site. Trust me, babe, you’re more than welcome tokeep sending in pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I haven’t really gotten too many fan signslately. If you like the site and want to make one for me, feelfree to send it in. I need some hot broads to give me a little specialattention. Too bad she doesn’t have a site though, I’m sure she’d win thecontest. We should have everyone Im her and tell her to take more pics.

Talk To EvilzPrincess999

I updated a few of the other pages today. Check out the revised AboutMe page. It answers the burning questions all you ladies have out there.I’ve also decided to call off the little Web Mistress Contest. Not because oflack of entries, but because of the girls that wanted to enter. Most of themwere serious cows and didn’t deserve a place on this page. The ones that Iliked are now listed on the left hand side. I’ll be adding more periodically, soyou can still email me your site.

Wednesday March 14, 2001

OldNews / Forums

More Link Chicks (12:00AM EST)Jack
Here’s a couple more chicks for the Web Mistress Award.

Here we have a hot broad from across the pond. You have to likethis girl if only because she’s from Ireland. She’d be even cooler if she tooksome webcam pictures for me! She’s is going to be on Portal Number Six, so youcan check her out there also. Checkher out, and don’t forget to vote.

Stolen from her About Me Page…..

Who am I? These are a few of my favorite things… Fivewords: resilient, moody, compassionate, honest, and semi-wise… I think I’m apretty kick-ass chick, but I have my moments of self-doubt just like anyoneelse… Using the word “kick-ass” might sound a bit cheesy oregotistical, but I’m neither (no where near it)… Anyway, I’m a true Taurus…as for the rest, you’ll have to find out through sheer determination andcreative genius…

Visit Kindy’sSite and Vote For If You Like Her.

Photo Galleries:- TheChick From She’s All That – TheChick From 90210 –

Tuesday March 13, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Unimportant News (6:38PM EST) Jack
New poll over there on the left hand side. I know there’s only two siteslisted so far, but there are a couple more I have to post tonight. I know it’snot totally fair to list sites on the poll before I have all the links posted,but these two sites emailed me the same day as when I started the poll. I figurethey deserve a little special treatment for being on the ball.

Ladies Email Me Your Siteand Pictures For Hits!

From: Igul
Subject: Hi, from Iram
Hey Jack, I saw the reply to the e-mail that I sent you last week and I wascompletely offended about what you said about English chicks having little or noteeth. I tried to come up with a good retaliation but could not think ofanything since your probably right about American girls being better lookingthan English girls. Although I have to say that you make it sound as if havingtoothless women is a bad thing, because let me tell you, they give the best blowjobs. Not that I have actually tried it myself.

You must be a sucker for punishment if youemailed me again. First off, how the fuck do you know about English chicks whenyou’re from some third world country? And second, do go saying toothless chicksgive great head if you’ve never gotten it from one! That’s like me saying thatClaire Forlani gives awesome head, but I’ve never sucked dry personally fromher….

The real reason for e-mailing you is that i have thisproblem at university. i am 19 and my friend is 20 and the trouble is that thereare hardly any really decent looking girls at uni. although there was one that iliked but my friend likes her too, plus she is with someone and has been withhim for a couple of years. Not that it bothers my friend but i tend to back offgirls that are taken plus the fact my friend likes her too and its not worthlosing a friend over a girl that i am not going get.

Will there ever be a point to what you email me? Thatstupid little paragraph could happen to fucking anyone! Do you think you’re theonly guy who has ever lusted after a taken chick? Plus I hate the word UNI. Ifsome one ever came up to me and asked “Where is the UNI?” I’d punchtheir lights out, and then make them eat my boots.

Which means that i am back to square one. Also since ido not drink or smoke (due to a few reasons) it makes it pretty hard for me toget to know a lot of the girls there. A friend of mine suggested that i shouldstart at the bottom and work my way up. If you have got any bright ideas i wouldlike to hear it and let me know it you think that it would be a mistake to dateanyone from uni. thanks.

If you’re going to be starting at the bottom, you’llwant to start with your sister…. I hear she’s pretty easy, and since you’refamily she might even give you a discount or something… Just a little notethough, you might want to double bag it with that whore, I heard she slept with thisdude.

OldNews / Forums

Like CNN and the Weather Channel: constant updates. (5:39PMEST) Jack

Listen – Call – Win !!!

Wednesday Morning 7-9 AM EST Listen to the Eric Williams Radio Experiencelive on the Internet

http://womr.org/listen.html

Listen for the 1-800 number Eric gives out and call in to WIN !!!

The listener farthest away from Provincetown, Mass. to mentionwww.iwantanewgirlfriend.com wins a WOMR T-Shirt and a garageDogCD

So call in and do it garageDoggystyle!

OldNews / Forums

Contestant 2 and Other Stuff (10:28AM EST)Jack
Second contestant in the Website Awards…..

Sheena, or Shee as she likes to be called hails from BritishColumbia Canada. She’s only 16, but writes better than some of the other webgirls out there on the internet. She also drinks, smokes, and has sex with herboyfriend…. I only wish I was 16 again! She’s not a big fan of Nay, but she’sgoing to have to make a Yahoo club to topple that giant of the Internetindustry. Check out her site and see if it’s something you’re into. I’ve rappedwith this girl a couple of time on AOL, and to tell you the truth I never wouldhave guessed she’s 16. You probably wouldn’t have either….. Although shedidn’t send any IWANG pics to me, she’s still in the running for the awardceremony….

So remember ladies, send inyour URL and your pictures, and get some free hits!

Sheena’sSite

Extremely awesome graphic! This same guy also made the Mr. Tbanner down at the bottom for me. If you’ve got some Photo Shop skills, I’d loveto see what you can come up with.

Here’s something I found that was pretty funny.

Personal Ads Explained

Women’s Abbreviations

40-ish

48

Adventurer

Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic

Flat-chested

Average looking

Ugly

Beautiful

Pathological liar

Contagious Smile

Bring your penicillin

Educated

College dropout

Emotionally Secure

Medicated

Feminist

Fat; ball buster

Free spirit

Substance user

Friendship first

Trying to live down reputation as slut

Fun

Annoying

Gentle

Comatose

Good Listener

Borderline Autistic

New-Age

All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned

Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded

Desperate

Outgoing

Loud

Passionate

Loud

Poet

Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional

Real Witch

Redhead

Shops the Clairol section

Reubenesque

Grossly Fat

Romantic

Looks better by candle light

Voluptuous

Very Fat

Weight proportional to height

Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate

One step away from stalking

Widow

Nagged first husband to death

Young at heart

Toothless crone

Men’s Abbreviations

40-ish

52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic

Sits on the couch and watches ESPN

Average looking.

Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated

Will always treat you like an idiot

Free Spirit.

Sleeps with your sister

Friendship first

As long as friendship involves nudity

Fun.

Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking

Arrogant

Honest

Pathological Liar

Huggable

Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Like to cuddle

Insecure, overly dependent

Mature

Until you get to know him

Open-minded

Wants to sleep with your sister but she’s not interested

Physically fit

I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself

Poet

Has written on a bathroom stall

Spiritual

Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday

Stable

Occasional stalker, but never arrested

Thoughtful

Says “Please” when demanding a beer

Old News / Forums

Contestant Number 1 (12:00AM EST)Jack
Alright! We’ve got the first contestant for the Women’s Website Awards.

Now this isn’t info straight from her, it’s basically what I ripped off her About Page. She’s 38, and she’s fucking hot for some one old enough to be my mom. Plus this Bad Ass Chick has piercings, tattoos, and she likes Clerks. What more could a guy ask for? The girl even likes Se7en!

Check out her site, and remember that this is a contest ladies. The bar has just been raised, and I want you all to compete. It’s going to be a no-holds barred competition to the top!

Fragile Sin’s Pictures

Email Me Your Site

Monday March 12, 2001

Old News / Forums

The Mexican (3:29PM EST)Jack
Saw The Mexican last night and wasn’t totally disappointed. Julia Roberts was looking shaggable, and Tony Soprano played some hit man. I wont spoil the dumb “surprise ending” but trust me, it’s not that surprising.

I’ve got a new little contest idea. I want all you small little web mistresses to email me your URLs. What I’ll do is post some of the best sites that get emailed to me. For the next two weeks after that the top 5 sites will be listed on my main page. I figure it’s a good way to give a little promotion to the smaller kids out there. Of course if you want to send in pictures of yourself, it’ll increase your chances of making it into the top 5.

Please Judge My Site, And Here Are My Pics

hey man, i just want a girlfriend 🙂
wanna trade links with www.sp00ned.com ?
ta ta
zeeneo

No I do not want to trade links with you. Good discussion about whether or not chicks should shave it all off going on in the forums. Personally I don’t think the bald hooch is where it’s at. There has to be a little hair down there, otherwise I’d think I’m with some middle school chick. I don’t want any afro there either. Just a little well taken care of landing strip. Is that too much to ask?

Watched the Mallrats DVD this weekend. It’s worth the $25 or whatever it was. There’s like an hours worth on uncut footage and some other funny shit. Pick it up if you’re a fan. Also check out News Askew and View Askewtwo high quality sites.

See that banner down at the bottom of the page? No not the one for DSL or for porn, the Mr. T banner. Well, if you’ve got some Photoshop skills and can whip together something like, you’ll get a free link on my web page. Not a bad deal for you artistic people out there. Plus it’s a way for me to get shit without having to do any real work.

Good Picture Albums: – Amateur Pics – Claire Forlani – School Girls – My Girlfriends – Wet T-Shirts – Heather Graham – Kari Wuhrer – Heidi Klum – Bikini Babes –

Old News / Forums

Big Thanks (1:06PM EST)Jack
I think it’s pretty cool when sites link you just for the hell of it, with out even asking for a link in return. Wallflower has done it a couple of times before. And The Daily Shot has had my link up there for awhile now. Class or Sex is another high quality site, and they run it in next town over from mine. These guys picked me as Disco Stu.

Check out those sites and support your local webmaster. Without the generosity of others, IWANG would not be possible.

For Some of the Hottest Lesbian Pics on The Planet

Old News / Forums

Bored…. (12:00AM EST) Jack
I should be sleeping right now, but for some reason I can’t keep my eyes closed for more than two minutes. So here’s a little some thing about the nine types of girlfriends.

Ms. Nice Guy – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have” Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller – “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??” Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell Advantages: Pays attention to you Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly – “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite” Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser – “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.” Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied – “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?” Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c’mon Honey Advantages: Easily soothed Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control – “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love on a front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.” Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime Charleena, passed out Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy – “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at” Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars – “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship” Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl – “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now” Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

Sunday March 11, 2001

OldNews / Forums

I Came To Bring the Pain (2:38PM EST)Jack
What’s the best way to get a bunch of hits really really quick? List abunch of sites and then proceed to bash the shit out of them. I’m actuallysurprised that my site ended up on his list. Not because this site is any good,just because I never thought of myself as some big site. Here’s his commentaryon my site.

Webmaster: Jake, or whatever. Notimportant.
Time Period: 1999 – This idiot is the male web cam slut. He takes off hisshirt and takes pics of his muscles. I also heard that he “pimps” someof the girls online. How rad. Grow the fuck up. Your site sucks, and pleasecould add a bit more sponsors to your shitty webpage?

Wow, pretty harsh stuff. He basically didthat for every other decent site out on the internet. Obviously some one is justa little jealous. Plus it’s not like it’s even a good review. I think I’ve takenone pic with my shirt off, and only left it up for a day. It was scaring awaythe ladies. I predict this guy will have half the people listed on his sitelinking him by the end of the day. Pretty good scam if I do say so myself.

Im a girl who got cheate on sooo fuckingbad….and he cheated on me more than 5 times w/o me knowing also he fuckincheated on me w/my friend…hes a sick fuck. i eman the PURE example of aplayer, yet he doesnt even admit to being a player…god i want payback…i wantrevenge so bad for eveything that assholes oput me thru..and the shit he hasntgotten for it… his sn is loco4eva32and his email is dave32@inorbit.comitd be so great if u fuckin like did something sooo embarrasing to him …butnot add me in2 it ya know? lol so he doesnt know id id it..oh fuck it let himknow hah…if you hear the endless stories of what this pig has done to me..youdflip . well maybe u wouldnt, u probly wouldnt care but newayz.get back to me! Igot pics 2 *~I~Katy

You’re right, I probably wouldn’t care!I’m sure you’re like 15 years old and clinged onto the guy until he no choicebut to cheat on you. Shit just by reading your email I want go out with you, andthen sleep with all your friends. Since did this little favor for you. I expectpictures sitting in my inbox tomorrow.

Okay, first off, I changed my font. Betternow? Good. Moving on, let’s get to the point of this email. I was reading the”Rules for Dating” part on your page. That’s all fine and great,however, most of the “rules” are downright petty. I can almost betanything that if anyone followed every single one of those rules when dating,they’d never end up happy. If you have to go down a checklist before going on adate, exactly how much fun do you think the date is going to be when you’ve setrules for yourself? If anyone actually memorized all of those rules, that justgoes to show what a sad individual they are.

Like I said before the post, I didn’twrite the shit. I don’t follow a lot of that shit, and I’m sure most otherpeople don’t either.

What girl would want to go out on a datewith someone who has some set list of do’s and don’ts? Would YOU want to go outon a date with a girl that did the same? I’d say the dates would end up being aflop 90% of the time. Now on the other hand, if you place some egotisticalasshole in the picture, the list might work for them. How often do you seesomeone who thinks their shit doesn’t stink being REALLY happy? (And I’m nottalking about after getting laid). They’ve always got something to complainabout. No matter how many lists they could make, nothing would ever please them.Even the most perfect people have flaws. Everyone does. No one is perfect.Anyone who sets out with some list of the “perfect girl/guy” is goingto be so sadly disappointed. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, youjust simply don’t do that shit. How often does someone set out looking forMr./Miss Right and actually find them? That’s not the way the cookie crumbles.When you see two people that are very much in love and are happier than they’veever been, chances are they didn’t have some rules list, and they more thanlikely didn’t set out looking for each other.

I’m sure they didn’t.

Personally, I think the whole list deal isjust a complete failure. People are so hell bent on finding total perfectionthat they end up overlooking what could be perfect for them. Nobody can beeveryones image of “perfect”. But that person might be perfect forjust one other person. They, too, have flaws, but the flaws that they have aresomewhat great in the other persons eyes. Let’s say 9 out of 10 guys use thislittle list. The 9 would be looking for the exact same thing. Doubt they’d allfind anything great. On the other hand, that one person who chose not to use itwould probably find what’s perfect for them a LOT easier. In conclusion, truehappiness does not come from following any set of rules, or anyone elsesopinions. The girl who seems to have everything, may infact, be lacking too manythings. The girl who has nothing may have everything someone is looking for. Andthe girl inbetween could possibly be the one thats perfect for someone else.It’s all in what actually makes an individual happy. It’s not in what makeseveryone else happy. I’m not sure if this is making much sense, I’ve had about 3hours of sleep total, and I’m pretty shitty with words to say the least. Maybesomeone can find some logic in this.

Very well said.

EmailMe Some Cool Shit

Saturday March 10, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Love at AOL (12:41PM EST)Jack
It seems like AOL has been a little slow adding personals to theSpringfield, MA section so I decided to broaden my horizons a little bit. Iselected the Elsewhere in Massachusetts and found both hotchicks and not sohot chicks.

Iam the Magnet RU steel? I’d probably do this girl. She’s got a goodpicture, but she’s a little old for my taste. Probably looks good with clotheson, but once the panties drop, so does everything else.

Faceof an Angel Face of an angel my ass!! Looks like an angel after eating afew devil’s food cakes. Angels look like the models in the Victoria Secret ads,not the Jenny Craig ones.

Looking4 a nice guyTo me it looks like she’s looking her next bag of smack.I’ve gone out with girls like this one before. She’ll go down on you for ajoint, and anything else for a needle.

Seekinghonest man I don’t think this girl really wants an honest man. Cause anyman is going to tell her the truth, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to hereit.

buibuiThis chick is smoking hot! Too bad it’s probably one of those porno-personalads. The ones that take your email address and then spam your maibox full of badporn ads.

sillycow seeks fruitloop I think I’ve posted this one before, but it’s worthanother look. This is either a recovering herion addict, or a full fledgedjunkie. Just from the title alone you can tell she’s not all there.

DarkangylEver see those Evil Dead movies? I think she played one of theDeadites.

cutie4latinloverHoly mother fucking bride of frankenstein!!

19Fseeks romance I don’t think words can even describe this personal.Here’s a quote from it.

I have had a hard time finding a goodrealtionship. It always turns out awful and people always play games with me.That is something that I do not want. I like a open caring romantic guy whowants to be with me and apprectiate me as I would him. I love to try new thingsand always try to be ready for what comes my way!!

It sounds like you could totally takeadvantage of this chick. Probably take her and fuck her in a most uncomfortablespot. And I don’t mean the back of a Volkswagon.

That’s all for now. In the meantime checkout these quality sites.

– Punogre- Class or Sex – TheDaily Shot – Jiggin-

OldNews / Forums

Meet The Parents (12:05PM EST)Jack
I went out and bought Meet the Parents last night. I saw it in thetheaters, but it’s good enough to own. I guess every one has their little storyabout meeting their girlfriend’s parents, but I think mine is a classic.

I was about 19 at the time, and was working full time as a cook.I was dating this hot waitress, and things were going pretty good for me. Weworked together, drank together, and basically just had a really great timetogether. We had been going out for like a month or so, and things seemed to befalling into place. Of course, since shit can’t go right for me all the time,something bad had to happen.

Well the shit hit the fan when my girlfriend’s parents saw hergrades from the semester. She wasn’t doing as well as they hoped she would, andwho was to blame? Me of course. They found out she was sleeping over my house,partying with me, and not doing her homework. They pictured me as this no gooddoing slacker who was corrupting their first born daughter. So they yanked heroff Cape Cod and took her away from me. We promised we’d still see each otherand talk at least once a day. She also made me promise I’d come up and meet herparents some time.

It was a couple of weeks later and she invited me for dinner ather parents house. So now I’ve got a little dilemma. I have to meet the parentsof the girl I’m fucking. And they know I’m sleeping with their daughter. Plusthey think I’m some no good kid. Well, dinner went without a hitch, and I endedup impressing them with my computer skills. Luckily I didn’t have some psychofather waiting to gun me down. The funny thing was that we ended up going outfor drinks later that night, and there was a little baby in the booth behind me.The dad gives me this knowing look and says “We really don’t want one ofthose right now…….” What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? I tellhim it’s totally cool, and it wont be a problem.

I’ve been pretty good with meeting the parents, I just put on mygame face and tell them what they want to hear. They just want you to know theythink their still in charge, and still lay down the rules. And it’s pretty goodto let them think that.

HeidiKlum Picture Gallery

Thursday March 8, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Why Buy The Cow (5:55PM EST)Jack
When you can get the sex for free. Some times when I think my page ispretty boring I do a little surfing around to find some thing interesting. Afterseeing if my favoritesite has updated I’ll surf the geocities pages. One group of pages thatI’ve never even heard of before was Diary Land. I guess it’s a bunch of peopleputting what should be private shit on the internet.

So…I’ve been toying around with this cunt I met atthe cafe here in Vegas a while back…came across her diary page. Want to havethe iwang crew harass her a bit? She’s the perfect example of “scaryfucking girlfriend” And she gave your site an odd mention a whileback…something along the lines of “My boyfriend was reading at somewebpage called iwantanewgirlfriend.com and

Quotes from her diary – “I almost spoke to theinteresting looking chick in journalism yesterday, because she had mentionedusing Napster to download European music, and songs in German. Which made methink “hmm, that could be what I listen to”. But the teacher askedwhat she listened to, and she said “things like Type O Negative”. So Icould no longer open a conversation with “what music do you download?”and I am not a follower of TON, even though I listened to them briefly when Iwas younger”

Man at least some of the stuff I write about is alittle humorous. I know it’s not George Carlin or Joe Rogan, but it’s betterthan posting about my journalism class.

“I’m thinking of ending my relationship. It’s notsomething I want, but it would seem to be where we’re headed. I’ve been veryinsecure and stuff lately”

“I love Chris more than anything. But he has beenso miserable. And it’s most likely becaause of me”

Looks like you hit the nail on the head there lady. Ibet this guy was happy before he met you and will hopefully be able to pick upthe pieces after this relationship.

So, if you want to watch fun begin, post her diary andguestbook to your site…watch the flames rise….and everyone can have some fun

http://anomalee.diaryland.comhttp://anomalee.signmyguestbook.com

I’ve got to stop posting stuff like this. I should beusing my powers for good instead of evil. But this is too much fucking fun. Takea look at her site and if want to have a good time sign her guestbook.

Links: SkysDgnr8

OldNews / Forums

Rules For Dating (5:33PM EST)Jack
Got this list today. From: ClaytonRSTS NOC

1.)NEVER, and I mean EVER…date a single mother.

2.)Follow the “three strikes and your out” rule. Which means ifhe/she hasn’t put out in the first three dates, dump them.

3.)Never pick up your phone Friday through Sunday. Screen all of your phonecalls.

4.)No cuddling after sex. You kick their ass out in time for Sportscenter.

5.)Always wear a condom. Even if she is on birth control. No exceptions.

6.)Never spend more than $40 on a date. And if she pays, all the better.

7.)Pick out the women with the lowest self esteem. The lower the better.Beautiful women normally have a very low self esteem.

8.)Get in touch with your “inner A-hole”. Women are drawn toassholes. If your a nice guy(pussy), you won’t get laid. She’ll categorize youas her “friend”.

9.)Women are attention whores and will do almost anything to get it. So keepthat in mind when you see some woman dressed to kill.

10.)Men, never have coffee or lunch with a woman unless you want to be”friends”. Women have dinner with the men that they bang, not lunch orcoffee.

11.)Women, you have no male friends. Every male you call a friend wants tobang the living fuck out of you. If you don’t believe me, then as a test…tellany one of your male friends that you want to sleep with them and see if theyturn you down.

12.)Stay away from any women who says the words “All my friends areguys”. That is trouble and should be avoided at all costs.

13.)If the person you are dating stops putting out, “Dump thatbitch”.

14.)Men, the reason why you are friends with a woman with the exception ofhaving a past relationship with her…is that she doesn’t find you attractive.The truth hurts. Move on.

15.)Men, the more confidence you show the better chances you have of gettingthe girl. Women smell a pussy(figurative term for a man with no self esteem) amile away and they can also smell confidence. Women are attracted to confidencealmost more than anything else.

16.)Don’t ever tell a woman you love her unless you really do. Don’t do itespecially just to get in her pants. The consequences are many and get you in tobig trouble.

17.)If your girlfriend or boyfriend is spending a lot of time with a”friend” of the opposite sex, dump that bitch.

18.)Do not get married until you are at least 28 years of age.

19.)Do not buy her flowers until the second year you are married.

20.)Don’t do anything in the beginning of the relationship you wouldn’tnormally do later in the relationship. Because her expectations of anything youdo for her will cause you problems later.

21.)Never hold her purse. Unless you are a pussy or have a pussy, youshouldn’t be holding a purse.

22.)Always become unavailable during the holidays. Never pick up the phoneclose to holiday seasons. Especially Valentine’s Day or Thanksgiving.

23.)Do not go to a concert with a woman if she invites you. Especially if shehas backstage passes or has a friend in the band she is going to see. It justmeans she is there to fuck the other guy. She probably just used you for theride there.

24.)Never buy a woman a drink. It’s just another way of a woman gettingsomething she wants for free while the man thinks she’s interested in him.(applies outside of relationships)

OldNews / Forums

Gay AOL Stuff (12:00AM EST)Jack
I guess by putting my AOL Screen Name up here I invite people to IM me.But this homo takes the cake for being an idiot.

cooter1n : hey….how long’d you take on a site like that?it’s pretty extensive and *nice* to say the least >^.^<
cooter1n: even fora girl =�
getnewgirlfriend : huh?
cooter1n : hehe…concerning your site, i was wondering howlong it takes to make something like that
getnewgirlfriend : i’m not a girl douche bag
cooter1n : i said I was…not you
cooter1n: i saw ur pic
getnewgirlfriend : awww
getnewgirlfriend : i gotcha
cooter1n : lol….
cooter1n: not to mention you stillhaven’t told me the meaning to that word >=/
cooter1n : where you from anyways?
getnewgirlfriend : massachusetts
cooter1n : quite far from here…i’m west coast
cooter1n : you get lotsa girls messaging you eitherpositively or negatively?
cooter1n: seriously, i love ur site…but, my buddiedoesn’t quite as much as i
getnewgirlfriend : i wish i got more girls who would take nakedpics
getnewgirlfriend : but alas, not to many of them around
cooter1n: what kinda pics you want? O:-)
getnewgirlfriend : any good ones =)
cooter1n : well there has to be somethingyou like more than others
getnewgirlfriend : why you got a camera?
cooter1n: yea
getnewgirlfriend : really
getnewgirlfriend : i wanna see some titties
cooter1n : dude….serious~! why the fuck would i lie
cooter1n: more than that….youhave any nice girl pics?
getnewgirlfriend : yep
cooter1n : you can assume i’m bi
getnewgirlfriend : k
cooter1n : send two…and you’ll receive the same
cooter1n : but if not…..u won’t eversee me
getnewgirlfriend : fine
getnewgirlfriend : nevermind, i dont play that shit
cooter1n : your choice
getnewgirlfriend : there’s plenty of other girls out there
getnewgirlfriend : but this will make for a good topic on my site
cooter1n : hey hon, i said your choice
getnewgirlfriend : bye

What we have here is your classic case ofsome dude pretending to be a chick. I’m sure it happens all over the internet,but it’s pretty fucking gay. So why don’t you message this homo and teach him alesson.

Wednesday March 7, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Bitch pressin’ charges? I get that a lot. (7:31PM EST) Jack
AOL is starting to blow goats. I got this one bitch iming me constantlyuntil I blocked her. It was that okkickit chick from last week. I guess you guysdid a number on her, and she was pretty pissed off. So she ims me and asks me totell every one to back off her. Well, I was just about to make a post when sheflips out and starts talking shit.

okkickit: AND FUCKYOUR STUPID CONTEST, HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU GOT ENTERING THAT SHIT? HUH? YOU GONAGIVE THE WINER THAT PICTURE OF ME I SENT YOU?
okkickit: THATS WHYTHERE BUGING ME, CAUSE ALL YOUR READERS ARE DICKLESS PORN LOVING WONDER BRAWEARING WANA BE’S!
okkickit: MAKE EM STOPDAMN IT!
okkickit: I’m 22 I don’tneed this stress
okkickit: MAKE EM STOP!
okkickit: WHY WON’T YOUANSWER ME!!!!!!!!

Damn!! What did you guys do to this girl?You would think she’s like traumatized and shit now. It looks like she made apretty bold statement about you people who read this site. So why don’t you tellher what you think about her.

I’ve got another great AOL conversation topost later. It was basically some guy pretending to be a girl in order to getpictures from me. Saying that if I sent him pictures of chicks, s/he would sendme two pictures of him/herself. Since I don’t play that game, I said no, and itstopped talking to me. I’ll post the name later tonight so you can fuck with himtoo.

On a totally unrelated note, you shouldmake a stop down at Chimptopia.Besides having quality posts every day, there’s a great story you should read.It’s called Dead Man, and it’s better than any John Grisham crap.

OldNews / Forums

I always notice that bored look in their eyes. (5:16PMEST)Jack
Looks like we have winner in the WOMR contest.

Hey Dude,
First I have to give you props for a great web site, I found it two months agoafter my “almost to be married girlfriend” broke up with me afterthree years. I typed in your URL and boom.
Second, I called the radio station this morning and requested the garageDogs.When the guy found out I was calling from Atlanta, he went nuts and put me onthe air, and chatted a moment.
He took my information for my T shirt and CD so I will see if he comes through.

I’m sure the T-Shirt and CD are on their way as wespeak. This is the first IWANG contest winner, and if you guys like shit likethis, I’d be down for doing some more stuff. Let me know, and I’ll get anothercontest rolling.

I thought this was a pretty good email.

I know who you want because I’m friends with her. Letme list her characteristics:

-Beautiful, intelligent, funny, etc. All the goodpersonality/physical traits. -Romantic, yet not so much that she can’t turn tosomeone and say “I’m horny. Let’s fuck.”
-Been with a couple guys, and one long term relationship, so she’s experiencedenough to be enjoyable, yet not so much so that there’s a good chance randompeople you see on the street have slept with her.
-She’s not gonna hit you if you do something wrong, but she’ll let you know whatshe likes and how she likes it. And she’ll ask how you like it. -Self-sufficientand independant enough that she can go out with her friends and let you go outwith your friends; she doesn’t act like you need to be attached to her hip.Despite this though, she still asks for comfort and assurance that you stilllike/love her.

She’s the middle ground that so many guys are after -halfway between the ballsy, completly self-sufficient, bitchy type, and thetimid, insecure, needy girl. Halfway between the complete-intellectual who seemsto have no hormones or romantic side, and the ditsy girl who wants either sex orromance 24/7.

Too bad we’re just friends, eh?

All the best girls end up being your friend, never theone you end up with. Maybe it’s because everything looks better when it’s on theother side of the fence. Or something like that. I was going to write more butmy computer crashed.

Just dropping you a line to see if you had gotten mylast email that had the pics you were looking for (or just a good guesstimate onmy part on what you were looking for).

I want naked pics!! And if they’re not naked pics, atleast make sure that my URL or name is some where in the pics. And this is a bigthing: NO PHOTOSHOP!! I don’t want any altered pics, there must be a sign, orpreferably my name on your tits.

I hadn’t heard from you or seen my email be ridiculedon your site so I figured I would write to make sure the pic wasn’t lost.

You need to come to fantasm – www.fantasm.orgIt’s the party your mom said doesn’t exist. It’s not a frat party and it’scertainly not anything you could attend where you live – you will have afabulous time. And if you show up and actually introduce yourself to me – I canintroduce you to a lot of people (in this alternate universe – i actually carrysome weight and importance if you can believe that)

Sounds like Dawn is trying to put the moves on me.Well, if I do come to your little party, are you giving me a place to stay also?Cause you’re a hot little broad, and I think you could probably show me a thingor two.

anyway.. let me know if i need to resend the pic. ohand thanx for the mention on the good hair thing.

Yes, you’re proof that hot girls always have good hair.

dawn marie www.dawnmarie.org

Since I know how much you people like pictures I’ve gotanother gallery for you.

KatieHolmes Image Gallery

OldNews / Forums

Viewer Mail (12:53PM EST)Jack
Time to crack open Outlook Express and see what people have emailed meover the last couple of days.

From: Matthew Harrison
Subject: I Saw Your Site and Would Like a Link
Dear Jack:

We spoke about a week ago. I know that you are a busyguy…and I only asked you two questions (are you making any money and somethingelse) but perhaps you remember me.

I am the publisher of PlaytimestuffMagazine, which is a new webzine published for college students by collegestudents. We have columns, art, discounts, forums, photos, all sorts of stuff.Our goal is to provide information to our audience in each issue which comes outtwice a month.

Hey these guys are from Western MA too… Small fuckingworld. I checked out a couple of the pages, and it’s something you guys shouldcheck out too.

I have been a big fan of your site and have included itin our links page. I doubt that I will be able to provide you with a million anda half hits by putting a link on my site, but none the less its there. I wascurious if you could give us a mention on your site (and or put a link on forus). We are what I would call a classy publication, and it could be a niceservice to your audience for putting a link for us. The site is www.playtimestuff.com

I think the best thing is when another website puts mylink up first, without even asking for a reciprocal link. It really shows thatthey like the site, and are trying to support it. A big thanks goes out to everysite that does that for me.

I would also like to do an interview with you for ournext issue (which comes out in the beginning of april) in our story aboutcollege students and their webworlds. Please email me back if you are interestedin being interviewed and promoted.

A to the motherfucking K! I’m totally down with alittle interview session. Well, check them out, and support the fellow WesternMA websites.

OldNews / Forums

I Want a New Girlfriend (12:00AM EST)Jack
It’s been awhile since I had a good full on relationship article. Mostof the stuff I post now is just daily updates on my life. But I thought now isas good a time as any to make a full on article. Think of this as a some advicewhen you’re in the market for a girlfriend.

When you’re in the market for a girlfriend you have assess whatyou really want. Do you want a girl who is going to worship the ground you walkon? One who you want to use for sex? Once you find out what kind of girl you’relooking for you’ll be be prepared to start your search.

The second thing you must figure out, is how much you want tospend in your quest to find a girlfriend. If you’re a rich man, you might end upwith a girl who looks good in a miniskirt. If you don’t want to spend a lot ofmoney, be prepared for a girl who fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch onthe way down.

Used vs. New? A question many girlfriend seekers have to address iswhether to get a new or a used girlfriend. The answer to this question will,roughly speaking, be determined by your age, as shown in the following table:

Your age

Used or New

1-12 years

(see note A)

13-16 years

New

17-21 years

Used, but not used up

22-35 years

Used heavily

35-60 years

New (see note B)

60+

(see note A)

Notes: A: Seek psychiatric help B: Only “new” if income >$100,000/year. Otherwise, “divorced”.

New girlfriends have the advantage that they have no previous bad experiencesto project on you, but the disadvantage that they will rarely be old enough toopen their own checking account. Used girlfriends, on the other hand, may besteady, reliable performers, with the initial problems worked out, but we advisethat you avoid models which have much more than average mileage (2.1 SO’s/yr).Much greater than the average may be an indication that the girlfriend was aprofessional.

Accessories
Often the potential girlfriends you see on the lot or in a tavern will beloaded with accessories, as the dealer gets a high markup on such items as largebosom, long legs, green eyes, etc. Other accessories will only appeal to fringemarkets, such as models which come pre-equipped with children, or the abilityrun 10 miles while chanting sanskrit. In such cases you should make a list ofaccessories desired, tolerated, and disliked. Note that some accessories (suchas children) can be added later, while others (such as a large bosom) must befactory installed.

The Test Ride
When evaluating a girlfriend, a test ride is essential. The test ride ritualbegins with the so-called “pickup line”, which can range from thesimple if dull (“Can I buy you a drink?”) to the aggressively hip(“dance with me or I’ll kill you”) to the arcane (“You’re myCamus comrade, and I want to leap you, Faith!”). We rate as Not Acceptable”Smile, you’ll look better.” Once on the test bed, evaluate handling,stability, and acceleration. The two questions you want to answer are: how fast,and how far? Examine the detailing. Does the bosom sag? Does the heater warmadaquately, or does she remain cool?

Ordering vs. On-The-Lot
Finding the right girlfriend can be a frustrating experience, and manypotential customers find it hard to get the exact model and accessories wanted.In such cases ordering from the factory is an option. Delivery time, however, isfrom 14 to 16 years (depending on the state you live in), and we question theusefulness of such a practice: if you have access to the baby factory, youshould reconsider your need for a girlfriend anyway.

Methodology
Girlfriends were evaluated by a dedicated group of 10 test engineers,selected to typify the average seeking population. All tests were performed atour specially constructed test facility, which included a bedroom, kitchen, andliving room, and at a number of bars and taverns surrounding the facility. Aseries of seven tests were run, evaluating each product according to thefollowing criteria: intelligence, wit, humor, empathy, initiative, looks, andperformance.

Results
Girlfriends are grouped together in categories by similarity. Within eachcategory, variation is not statistically significant.

Category

Comments

Goddess

This is the woman of your dreams. She comes equipped with all the options you want and none of the ones you don’t. She can argue subtle points of philosophy, give you a stiff game of racquetball, understand what you mean even if you don’t say it, and break a bed. No mental or physical hang-ups. The drawback is that this model is not actually available.

Goddess-in-law

This model is similar to the goddess, but comes with contractual retainers, such as a psychotic ex-husband, a spiteful mother, an alcoholic father, and a bratty kid. This model tends to generate gray hairs.

Ms. Right

The best all-around choice for most girlfriend situations. Has most of the characteristics of the Goddess except possibly in the wrong size or hair color. Other than that, an excellent long-term investment. Availability is extremely limited but can occasionally be found with luck.

Babe

This is the flashy, fully-loaded variety with all the options. Unfortunately this model lacks cognitive powers and empathy. Showy, and suitable for a parade or for impressing your friends, but not for your long-term girlfriend needs.

Friend

The model with the most empathy. Caring and kind but you wouldn’t be caught dead in it. Availability is poor to fair, depending on quality.

Yeah, Her

The Ford Escort of girlfriends. Widely available, but useful as a girlfriend only in a pinch, if no others are available. Tends to be spiteful or unreliable, or have a dull finish.

CommentsAbout This Post:

Tuesday March 6, 2001

OldNews / Forums

I Didn’t Write This (8:40PM EST)Jack
Sounds like a Denis Leary type of thing.

I like big cars, big houses, and naturallybig tits. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, notsome mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to giveit away to crack addictssquirting out babies. I don’t care about appearing compassionate. I thinkplaying with toy guns doesn’t make you a killer. I believe it’s called the BoyScouts for a reason. I think I’m doing better than the homeless. I don’t thinkbeing a minority makes you noble or victimized. I have the right not to betolerant of others because they are different, weirdor piss me off. I don’t celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that’s fine; justdon’t feel like everyone else should have to.

I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy queen shake, packof cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if youwork as an American citizen in an American store you should speak English. Myfather and grandfather shouldn’t have to die in vain so you can leave thecountries you were born in to come disrespect ours. I think the cops have everyright to shoot your sorry ass if you’re running from them after they tell you tostop. If you can’t understand the word freeze or stop in English. See theprevious line. I don’t use the excuse “it’s for the children” as ashield for unpopular opinions or actions. If I received a blow job from one ofmy subordinate employees in my office, it wouldn’t be a private matter or mypersonal business. I would have been FIRED immediately.

I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting amachine with no politicalaffiliation recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.I don’t think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify forany special loan programs, gov’t sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open ahotel, c-store, trinket shop, or any damn thing else. I didn’t take theinitiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny. Iwant them to bring back safe and sane fireworks. I don’t think that being astudent gives you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack InThe Box.

I don’t want to eat or drink anything with the words light, liteor fat-freeon the package. I don’t smoke but I will not tell you that you can’t or chargeyou excessive taxes for you to enjoy that privilege I don’t hate the rich. Idon’t pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake. I’ve never owned or was a slave,and a large percentage of our forefathers weren’t wealthy enough to own oneeither. Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh. I think you can respect andadmire women while mentally undressing them. I believe a self-righteous liberalwith a cause is more dangerous than a Hell’s Angel with an attitude. I want toknow which church is it exactly where the “Rev ” Jessie Jacksonreaches and besides what exactly is his job function.

I don’t care where Ellen puts her tongue. I own a gun, you canown a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but ifyou use it in a crime then you will serve the time. A rubber band and a paperclip is a dangerous weapon in the hands of someone with malicious intent. Iworry about dying before I get even. I think Bill Gates has every right to keepevery penny he made and continue to make more. If it pisses you off, invent thenext operating system that’s better and put your name on the building. Ask yourbuddy that invented the Internet to help you. I don’t believe in hate crimelegislation. Even suggesting it pisses me off. You’re telling me that someonewho is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise differentfrom the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do asa white male. Hell, if someone kills anyone, I’d say that it’s a hate crime.

I like the convenience of buying oranges from a sidewalk vendoror while I’m waiting at a stop-light, and I’m pretty sure the Latin midgetselling them to me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator box in EastDallas or sleeping in the streets of his/her home country. We don’t need morelaws! Let’s enforce the ones we already have. I think turkey bacon, turkey beef,turkey fake anything sucks. I believe that it doesn’t take a village to raise achild, it takes a parent with the balls to stand up to the kid and spank hisbutt and say “NO”. I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you wantthem, but please don’t pretend they are a political statement.

I believe you don’t have to speak with a lisp to pick out acouch for your living room. I’ll admit that the only movie that ever made me crywas Ole Yeller. I didn’t realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid. Iwill not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silentbecause I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed methat right I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody’sfeelings. I’m neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately themainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

Yes, I guess by theirdefinition, I’m a bad American.

OldNews / Forums

I got a weird thing for girls who say “aboot” (5:09PMEST) Jack
I spent the majority of today digging my car out of the snow, andshoveling a path to side door. I can’t wait till Spring comes. After shovelingfor way too many hours, I kicked back and watched Chasing Amy again.

I’m not positive, but I think this movie is quickly moving up onmy list of favorites. Fight Club still reigns supreme, but this one is a closesecond. I think I need a girl like Alyssa Jones. Not some chick who’s been withwomen, had three-somes, and gets guys like finger cuffs. I just mean a girl whois comfortable with her sexuality, and isn’t afraid to let me know when shewants it raw.

Most, well, actually all the girls who have been gracious enoughto let me sleep with them have been very inhibited. They haven’t been prudes,but most have been pretty slacking when it comes to the experience part. Notthat I want some hooker who’s been with half the guys in Western MA… Iguess I don’t know what I want.

Hi, my name is Imran and i have had a lookat some of the material on your site which is i have to say is pretty good. i amfrom just outside of London which is in England (which you would probably knowif your geography is not as crap as mine), so as you can possibly imagine it islike a grave yard here compared to the US. i hope that you can e-mail me as itwould be great to make a few friends from across the Atlantic. Oh and by theway, would you be able to tell me which side of the Atlantic has better girlsand why cause i would be interested in an American’s point of view (also siceyou seem to be the expert compared to most people i know) as it would probablybe completely different from the opinions that some of my friends have whichthey mostly gain from some of the tabloids that we all read. if you can’tforward the e-mail then the address is igul007@aol.com.

We all know that American girls are the best!! Even if they’rebitches, they at least have all their teeth. I’ve only seen a few hot Englishchicks, Liz Hurley, and the Spice Girls.

Sometimes the weirdest site link my sorry ass.

SimpleMan – not sure what’s it’s about, but it showed up in my referral logs.Check it out if you have a couple of free minutes.

God’sGrilled Cheese – at least it’s an original name. This guy seems to havea fixation with erections. I’m not sure if he likes his own, or just other guys.He does have some chicks asses on the front page…..

CherryCity – no explanation needed.

OldNews / Forums

garageDogs (3:00PM EST)Jack

Listen – Call – Win !!!

Wednesday Morning 7-9 AM EST Listen to the Eric Williams Radio Experiencelive on the Internet

http://womr.org/listen.html

The listener farthest away from Mass. to call in a garageDog request wins aWOMR T-Shirt and a garageDog CD Call 1-800-921-womr and bark for the garageDogs

Monday March 5, 2001

OldNews / Forums

No Snow Yet (10:27PM EST)Jack
After predicting a foot of snow, there’s about a half an inch on theground right now. I could make a better fucking weather man than the people whoare doing it now. How tough can it really be? I’ll look outside my window, makea little prediction, and I’ll be right half the time…. That’s about the samepercentage as their doing now.

dear jack:
i just wanted to comment on the “interracial dating” bit….
im an 18 y/o asian girl and i’ve never been with an asian guy. actually i
dont even like asian guys. everybody thinks im weird for saying it, but fuck
em. i usually stick to white guys. and theres nothing wrong with “skinny
white guys” cause i’ve had my share of them. and also black guys, mixed
guys, indian guys, pretty much everything BUT asian. i dunno. im an oddball.
but i think its just the way i was raised. being brought up in a white suburbiaall my life probably has something to do with it. im just used to seeing whiteguys, so im attracted to them. well not just any white guy, of course they gottalook good. im sick of seeing cute asian girls going out with really dorky whiteguys. and i hate how some white guys have an “asian fetish” its kindagross actually. okay. im just babbling now. i’ll shut up.
goodbye.
<3,
jen

What’s wrong with an Asian fetish?! I’venever been with an Asian chick and I think it would be totally cool. Is it truethat Asian girls’ pussies go sideways? Last night I watched Very Bad Things…still haven’t finished it, but so far it’s pretty good. These guys get someprostitute for their buddies bachelor party, and it’s some hot Asian broad. Nicetight little body and ready to party. If you’ve seen the movie then you knowwhat happens to her, if not pick it up at your local Ball Buster, it’s worth thethree bucks.

Here’s some emails I got regarding the link I posted for theStinker.

Hey Jack. I got an e-mail from that same chick fromthestinker.com she promised me the world too! She said she had an extremely busywebsite with tons of traffic. She said she would send me tons of traffic aswell! So being the nice guy I am added her 88×31 banner to my main page, Iusually only do this when a site sends me tons of traffic! She has sent me like8 hits in frickin 2 weeks!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCK! And then she sends meback every 2 days saying that more is coming and not to drop her link! Fuck thatI kicked her ass to the curb! I mean shit, the design on the site is god awfuland I am just too much of a sucker for women! Damn!

Anyways I just thought you would find it funny! L8rrdude
Mark Webmaster
http://www.drinkinghard.com

Everyone promises the world on the internet. I getemails everyday from geocities sites asking for link exchanges. Most of the timethey say they get 35,000 unique visitors or some shit like that.

Please utilize a virus scanning program during theuploading of any of our games or animations. All files are scanned by us butduring their storage at our servers, tampering may occur.

Are you kidding me. That was a excerpt fromwww.thestinker.com I can’t believe you posted that link. That site is rediculus.Im not sure about you but i defenietly dont upload games or animations fromwebsites. Wow, a first class moron whover runs that site.

Anyways, just like to say nice site. I find myselfdrawn you by your frequent updates. No one else seem to be able to compete withyou there.

Later, piker
http://www.theinept.com

I guess no one can compete the amount of updatesbecause I have no life. I go to school, workout, and work at my job. Most of thetime the excitement in my life is new AOL personal day, or new movies at thevideo store. Once I move into the dorms, I’m sure the orgy stories will pick up,and I’ll be able to get some first hand pictures of college girls, but for nowit’s a little limited.

Now now Jack. That wasnt very nice. Calling me looney.I’m actually kind of sad. I wont like, stalk you or anything. Just because I’mlonley, doesn’t mean I’m LOONEY. And you wont marry a chick like me, trust me,you’ll find someone 198,738,491,091,000 times better. Tomorrow is Monday…sigh…. not so good. I’ll still wish you a good Monday, even though Imapparently NOT SANE. Love, Ang

Looks like Limpfangirl got a little mad at the commentsI made yesterday…. She’s actually pretty hot, but that don’t mean anything.I’d rather date a plain sane girl, than a psychotic hot one. I’m sick of therestraining orders, phone calls at 2 in the morning, and all the other bullshitthat goes along with psychos. Just find me a normal girl with bog ole tittiesand I’ll be happy.

Sunday March 4, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Viewer Mail (3:25PM EST)Jack
The highlight of this site is reading the viewer mail that you peoplesend in. So anytime you have something you want me to read, justsend it in.

From: Limpfangirl
Yo Jack. Only 14 year old reads your site? Im 19 and ob-fucking-sessed with it.Hows that for creepy? I’ve read every single… thing…on here and come backlike, 10 times a day to see if there’s any more updates. I have no life. Why areyou so fucking hot? My feet are cold. I think you should be a model. Seriously.I think Im going to make it a point to harass you on a semi-daily basis now. Howdoes it feel to have a creepy crackwhore obsessed with you? 😀 Love, Ang PS Iwish you ALL the luck with your community college and graduating. You have allmy luck from the bottom of my heart.

So that sounds just a little psychotic.Thank god this chick lives across the country from me. It’s always good to havefans, but sometimes it goes just a little too far.

From: Limpfangirl
Subject: YO FOOL!
yo jack It’s Ang, I read your thing about hair. I have pretty hair. Maybe I’llsend you a pic. Guess what? I bought a dildo today. It was the coolest thing Iveever done in my entire life. I think Im adicted to your forums. I hope yournight is dope. Strip clubs sound like fun. Havent done that for a while. Well I’m just making sure I keep up my promise to…. myself… to harass you. I thinkIm lonley and need a friend. Haha. I really do hope your weekend rocks. Love,Ang

I don’t know if any one reads the forums,but this chick is looney fucking toons! She makes posts about running redlights, have some kinky ass fetishes, among other things. This is the kind ofgirl I’ll end up marrying or something…. Just my fucking luck.

From: Manduh
Jack- haha, I just read that log on your page with the kid who was threateningto “stab you like a steak.” My emails were pretty pointless, but atleast they weren’t as lame. “yo homey u got beef wit me”. lol. Anyhow,so I’m like getting all these emails from your little followers who thinksending me tons of emails is going to somehow annoy me to the point of leavingthe internet or something. I got this whole series of emails with nothing butdots “…………..” and so on, with the subject “IS THISANNOYING?” So, I wrote him a simple email back telling him to at leastwrite something if he wanted to actually halfass attempt pissing me off. Hewrote me back threatening to send me an email bomb an mess with my email accountor some bullshit because I should “watch who I bash on the net.” MaybeI’m supposed to be threatened by that, but I found it kinda funny. I got 2 otheremails concerning me “bashing” you. Then I got another email from a”Jack hater” or so he said. Some malaysian kid who couldn’t evenspell, asking me if I’d be his friend. That’s pretty neat. Lots of emails todelete everyday just because of the emails I sent you. I’ll never understand thewhole dot deal. I’m actually starting to believe you when you say most of thepeople who view your site are around the age of 12.

That indian dude was probably Habib!!We fucked with his guestbooka couple of weeks ago and got him pretty pissed off. It looks like he’s made a fewchanges since we’ve last seen it. Go have some fun with it if you wouldlike. That chick in the email is actually pretty cool. She didn’t mean any harm,and she’s pretty funny too! So you can stop bothering her now.

From: Chris
my site: www.thestinker.netlisted with many top list sites, you are…a swap candidate:) check it out andlet me know… hits: 2400 per day, sites listed: zeebarf, redfx, mortystwisted,curlydavid, hazydaze, and more… would like a swap… chris

Wow! This guy name drops more than me….Maybe I should emails out to badassmofoand something awfullike that. It would look something like this…

From: Jack
my site IWANG listed with many top site, you are a swap candidate =) check itout and let me know… hits: 10 per day, sites listed: geocities,tripod, aol,yahoo, northernlight, and many more…. would you like to swap… jack

Do you think any one would respond?? YeahI didn’t think so either…..

OldNews / Forums

It’s Going To Be a Blizzard (3:09PM EST)Jack
I guess we’re supposed to get a huge fucking blizzard tonight so Istocked up on all the supplies. I’ve got a 30 pack Bud, couple packs of smokes,and a couple of hookers for good measure. I figure you can never be tooprepared.

So last night as I’m in the store I take a look at the 2-packcigarette deals. Normally they give you like a free lighter or a beach blanket.Usually pretty dumb shit. But last’s night promotional piece took the fuckingcake. They were selling Marlboro Lights and Mediums along with, get this, afucking bottle of hot sauce! Like I understand cross-promotion and stuff but Ithought it was pretty fucked up. Then when I mention it to the clerk as a joke,she gives me this weird look and says, “Well, you don’t have to buythose…” It’s like no shit sherlock, I was just making a little comment.Stupid people really piss me off. Or course all this is going on while somestoned guy is trying to get directions to Springfield. It took the clerk sayingthe same stuff five times before the guy understood what she was saying.

Here’s Entry Number One:

okkickit: hey, you likeIWANG?
slimtimothy: yea
okkickit: Jack is fake
slimtimothy: what?
okkickit: His reel nameis Dave
slimtimothy: realy cool?
okkickit: thats not cool,he’s fake!
okkickit: stupid
okkickit: you like fake?
slimtimothy: shut up
okkickit: fucker
slimtimothy: whats your prob,JACKS SITE IS THE SHIT, I got there and laugh 2-3 times a day
okkickit: you would
slimtimothy: what the fuckis that suposed to mean?
okkickit: take it how youwant it
slimtimothy: ok, your aboutto get blocked.
okkickit: oh so youscared of me now?
okkickit: I’m crazy, I’lleat you alive!
slimtimothy: you just wantmy cock and you know it
okkickit: ahhhhhh shitnigga, YOU JUST DID THE WRONG!
slimtimothy: umm, I’m white
slimtimothy: I’m as white asthey come
okkickit: yea, and I’mwhite too
okkickit: I’m gona slapyou and jack (dave) so fucking hard
slimtimothy: with what yourdick you stupid fag?
okkickit: OHH your friendJack (Dave) is geting all punked out now
okkickit: starting withthe bad jokes
okkickit: I might have tostab him
slimtimothy: you do that,
okkickit: AHH fucke r Ijust read your shit
okkickit: I have no dick,I’m a woman. your a boy!
slimtimothy: BOY? I’M ALLMAN LADY! (thank you mallrats)
okkickit: what the fuckis mallrarts?
slimtimothy: it’s a kevinsmith movie
okkickit: no it’s not
okkickit: I got em all
okkickit: there’s only 2
okkickit: DOGMA, and thatAMY movie
slimtimothy: relay? yea Ithink your right, I’m gona go now and watch my 2 Kevin smith movies. I thinkI’ll watch that amy movie first. see ya later
okkickit: FUCKERDON”T MOCK ME!
slimtimothy: FUCKERDON”T MOCK ME
okkickit: stop it
slimtimothy: stop it
okkickit: you wan fight?I’m like Ed Norton and shit, I’ll stab you like I satbed my last boy friend.
slimtimothy: if your a womanwhy would you need a boy?
okkickit: I like to havedick up my ass, do you think Jack (dave) would mind
slimtimothy: anywas this isgeting old, see ya

I find it hilarious how people can get sopissed off by something on the internet. Jesus Christ this is just a simplelittle website. There’s no need to try and dig up little secrets about me andstuff. I’ve never hidden anything before, and I’m not keeping secrets now. Sotry and shut me down if you want, but as long as there are douche bag girls,IWANG will always be around.

Saturday March 3, 2001

OldNews / Forums

I Hate People (3:59PM EST)Jack
I really hate people. First I get imed by 12 year old girls, and otherrandom people. Now I have to put up with people calling me fake and shit. This”hacker” checked out my info in Network Solutions, and thinks he’ssome big shot. So he’s taunting me about my name and shit. First off mymiddle name is Dave, the same name as my kid. Second all this info is publicknowledge…. You would think if I was trying to hide something I’d be a littlemore careful about it. Well this is the convo…. You can click on his name tosay to the douche bag.

okkickit : i’ve been telling people your info
getnewgirlfriend : so
okkickit: mil box is gona be full soon
okkickit: mail
getnewgirlfriend : with what?
getnewgirlfriend : david is my middle name jackass
okkickit: fuck you, your site is gay
getnewgirlfriend : lol
okkickit: I’m sorry I ever went there
getnewgirlfriend : i’ll post this tonight
okkickit: besides everyone knows bald chicks look the best!
getnewgirlfriend : it’ll be funny
okkickit: post it, see if I care
getnewgirlfriend : ok
okkickit: your a dork DAVE! of sullyd.com
getnewgirlfriend : you are pretty smart!
okkickit: you talk alot of shit for a dork, you wana step?you got beef?
getnewgirlfriend : you sound tough
getnewgirlfriend : of course everyone on the net is tough
okkickit: FUCK YOU
getnewgirlfriend : my fucking grandmother is tough on the internet
getnewgirlfriend : lol
okkickit: I’m tough in real life
getnewgirlfriend : i’m sure
getnewgirlfriend : prove it ass spelunker
getnewgirlfriend : granby ma 01033
getnewgirlfriend : white pontiac car
okkickit : I’m crazy man, I get like Ed Norton and shit,I’ll stab your ass like a steak on my plate
getnewgirlfriend : lol
getnewgirlfriend : how old r u?
okkickit: you don’t want to fuck with me man, I’m nuts whenI get mad!
okkickit: 22 how old are you?
getnewgirlfriend : 12
okkickit: oh so scared
getnewgirlfriend : what’s your address?
okkickit: I’ll bet your dick looks 12
getnewgirlfriend : yep
okkickit: home or e-mail?
getnewgirlfriend : home
okkickit: oh
okkickit: ok
okkickit: 121 Fucked Jacks mom drive
getnewgirlfriend : my names Dave remember?
getnewgirlfriend : douche bag
okkickit: Big fat bong hit, MA

I got sick of the little shit after thatso I just blocked him/her. So why doesn’t everyone click on the name and sayhello. The best conversations will get a whole bunch of free porn!

OldNews / Forums

Some Viewer Mail (12:58PM EST)Jack
On a boring day the only way to pass the time is with some viewer mail.

First of all, I would like to say thatyour site is pretty funny and entertaining. Now, the reason I am writing: Mygirlfriend and I recently broke up right before Valantines Day. I had know herfor about two years and from the first time I met her, I knew she was my dreamgirl: gorgeous looks, personality, everything. Anyways, since we worked togetherat a restaurant, we got to see each other regularly and eventually we starteddating and I fell in love with this girl.

The same thing happened to me. I was acook and I met this girl there. She was hot, smart, liked to party, and evengave me head on our first date. She was the perfect woman.

I am 23, she is 19, so the maturity levelsare a little imbalanced but all and all, we got along great, and she wouldalways tell me how much she loved me and shit like that. One night, this bitchdumps me out of the blue. She begins to tell me that she does not think she isready for a relationship with me right now and tells me I never spend enoughtime with her and that I am always at school. Little did I know that she brokeup with me to get with this other guy at the same job (it was a coincidence thatI was quiting the same week). I should have picked up on it the weekend beforewhen she spent the night at my place. I did not have condoms at home and I askedher if she had any, she told me she did in her glove compartment, which was alittle strange because she never kept them in there before. I would not mind herdumping me so much if I was an asshole and a player, but I totally fell for thisgirl, which I have never done for any other girl before.

It sucks when that happens… I was reallyin love with this one chick and one day she just dumped me. She gave me thewhole speech about it not being me and all that bull shit.

I am good looking, funny, the wholepackage and shit like that and she went for this trashy, fucked up druggie. Thepoint is, it is hard as fuck to find “the right girl”, and I am sickof fucking around with all of the “wrong ones”, and all though I stilllove her, a part of me hopes this bitch is miserable in her next relationshipsand regrets the mistake she made. I am too fucking nice. Good luck with your ownshit, give it time.

No matter what, the nice guy always loses.Even with good girls it’s impossible to win. If she’s a good girl she’s going towant to slum it with a bad boy. If she’s a bad girl she’s not going to wantanything to do with you. I just want to find a girl who’s some where in themiddle.

I want my girl to be able to go out fordrinks on the weekend, study for school during the week, and basically just wantto have a fun time. Every girl I’ve met has been at the extremes. Either somedumb ass girl who has no direction in life, or a goody little two shoes who’shung up on my faults.

Friday, March 2, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Random Shit (10:29PM EST)Jack
I’ve been a lazy sack today and it really shows. I’ve also been slackingon responding to emails you’ve written into me. I just want you to know I doread every one of them, and it seriously puts a smile on my face. Some of thestuff you guys write in is really great, while some of it’s pure hilarity.

hey jack, i wouldn’t mind dating u b/c ulook like a pretty hot guy. i think ur pretty funny and that’s a great qualityto have when ur on a date. i’ve wrote to u before about my friend who i’m inlove w/. the guy that i met online. i never got a reply but who cares? it’s nobiggie. anyways, just thought i’ld say hi.

This chicks name was Yen Do. What kind offucking name is that?? Well, I guess I should be thankful that she would do me,well at least date me. Sounds better than the options that I have currently.Yahoo personals haven’t worked out, and you all get to see my choices with theAOL personals. It’s not looking too good. I’d try and pick up women at the gym,but I think some of the girls could kick the crap out of me. And I’m afraid I’dtry to put the moves on some steroid freak’s girlfriend. Maybe I’ll hit the stripclub tomorrow night.

Of course why hit the strip club when I’ve got girlfriends likethese ones…

– Margaret1 – Margaret 2-Kitty 1 – Kitty2 –

OldNews / Forums

Chicks With Good Hair (11:43AM EST)Jack
One thing I’ve noticed but never written about is chicks and the type ofhairstyles they have. In my classes I normally sit in the back row so I get tosee the backs of a lot of people’s heads. In class there’s only like 5 guys andthe rest are girls.

Now this wouldn’t be a bad thing, but the ratio of hot chicks tougly chicks is way to low. There’s like 2 maybe 3 do-able girls in that class.But all three of those chicks have really nice hair. I mean like model hair, allsoft and shit like that. The rest of the girls in the class have liketrailer-park hair. All flat and greasy looking. Is this always the case? I’vebeen thinking back in my past and trying to remember if I’ve seen an ugly girlwith good hair. I don’t think I ever have….. Also I don’t think I’ve seen areally hot girl with bad hair. Now I don’t mean just waking up bed head, I meanlike nasty looking hair.

So is hair quality a necessity for beauty? Would a hot chickwith nasty ass hair still be considered hot? Or am I just a fucked up guy?

Sites I Like: Houseof Links – Fark- Penny Arcade -Class or Sex – Cloud10 – SomethingAwful – PenisMightier – Fazed- Chimptopia –

Chicks With Good Hair: DogmaticLaw – BathtubGirl – GreenFairy –

– DawnMarie – Chelle- Archu – FragileSin – Bad AssChick –

Thursday, March 1, 2001

OldNews / Forums

Good Mail vs. Bad Mail (5:02PM EST)Jack
I got a variety of emails today. Some were good some were bad. But allof them are interesting. Maybe some time I’ll put together a whole page of theemail I’ve received, but don’t hold your breath.

Jack, That was too predictable, but on theother hand, it was pretty good. I think it’s kind of amusing that people likeyou let such tidious emails affect your emotions in any little way.

It’s amusing that you would write me asecond time. Your opinion was expressed once, and now you’ve taken the time totry and state it again. I like a girl that doesn’t quit.

The fact that you posted it on your siteand bitched, was the predictable part. But not only did you do that, you feltthe need to explain why your page looks like shit and also why you weren’tcomparing sites. If you would have actually took a few minutes to either thinkabout what I said in my email or read it correctly, you would have realized thatI said your site looks like a cheesey rip off of my boyfriends OLD site. Theword “old” could be referring to one or more things. So, possibly, hissite is no longer up. Therefore, I’d have no url to include, would I? And evenif it was still up, if your site looked like a bad rip off, why would I actuallygive you the url to it?

All I was saying is that I wanted to takea look at this Picasso of web design. Already you’re sounding like one of thosepeople that has to nit pick every little detail. I really hate those fuckingpeople with a passion. Your the type that cruises through message boards andflames the person that misspells one word. Obviously your boyfriend isn’t givingyou enough deep dicking, because you seem to have plenty of free time to emailme.

You’d probably get a better idea of how todesign your site decently and how to bitch properly. So, no. That should havebeen self-explanatory the first time around. “So fuck you fat ass. And goback to the rock from which you crawled out of.” That’s the good part. Youwere obviously mad, even if it was only a tad bit. Even still, you need to workon expressing your emotions better. Calling me a fat ass shows immaturity onyour part.

If you think you’re the first person tocall me immature, I really hate to burst your bubble. Take a look at the titleof this site, doesn’t sound like it’s going to be the highest class site. Peoplecome here for fun and to see pretty pictures. It’s nothing more than that, and Inever want it to become more than that.

If you knew what I looked like, and I wasoverweight, that would be fine, but since you don’t..that’s kinda like thoselame little third grade name calling competitions. And as for the rock part, Idon’t think anything has ever crawled “out of” a rock. Make it alittle more logical next time and say something like “And go crawl backunder the rock from which you came from.”

Since you used the word”overweight” I’m sure your a huge Big Mac eating beast. I must havegotten my phrases mixed up last night, that’s what happens when you make updatesafter a bottle of Morgan’s. Next time I’ll make sure I get it right.

This next email is a pretty good one,makes me kind of happy that I’m doing this site.

Hey Jack. I’m just writing to tell you a few things.First of all, you are a good looking guy, although I don’t like the haircut toomuch, and anyone who says otherwise is lying.

So all the people that said they liked my haircut werelying?! Or all the people that say I’m ugly are lying?

Secondly, all those stupid, illiterate girls who writeto you saying that you are a stupid, womanized, fuckhead probably haven’t evenread the site and have no basis for an opinion and should be dismissed withoutany hesitation as fat, ugly, airheads.

A lot of women just see the title and assume that I’msome one out there degrading women. I actually have a lot of respect for thefemales of our species. And when I find the right one, I’ll treat like a queen.

Third, I want to sympathize with you not knowing whatin the hell is up with girls, even though I am one. I have no idea why they sayone thing and mean another thing, I have no idea why they want guys to call themall the time, and I have no idea why they get mad when a guy wants to go outwith his friends. I hate the phone, I say exactly what I mean, and I want a guyto leave me alone sometimes. I have no idea why they try to change guys intosomething else, and I have no clue as to why they won’t let guys do anythingfun, and that includes seeing acti! on movies, playing poker, or shooting somepool. I hate chick flicks, I drink, I love extreme action, I love watchingbaseball (YANKEES!)

Boo!! Red Sox all the way baby!

and skateboarding competitions, I’m addicted to videogames, and I love pool (even though I’m short so I suck). I just wanted to letyou know that not all chicks are controlling, stupid bitches, and that you seemlike an awesome guy. I’m not trying to kiss your ass, but you seem down latelyand I’m trying to cheer you up. That girl who you just lost doesn’t deserve you(oo, was that a bad clich� or what?) because she doesn’t respect you enough tolet you be yourself. Who is she to tell you to quit smoking? Even though youshould’ve just told her, she seems a bit controlling, and that was get worse asthe relationship progressed. So be happy your free and find a fun girl who likesJack for Jack. (Ouch ,another clich�.)

-Jacki

I like Jacki, she seems very nice and I would totallygo on a date with her. Are there any other girls out there like Jacki? If so I’dlove to hear from you. So send me an emailand I’ll post the best on the main page. The rest will become part of the I LoveJack page.

Commentabout this post:

OldNews / Forums

I Never Was a Religious Man…. (2:48PM EST)Jack
But I might have to go to church this Sunday. I got this in my email boxtoday.

Dear Jack,
Someone has sent you a voodoo curse through PinStruck.com.To view your personalized curse, click the link at the bottom of this e-mail.Before you do, make sure to read the following warning:

WARNING: If you are sensitive, paranoid orsuperstitious in nature, viewing your voodoo curse may be upsetting to you.Curses are not suitable for viewing by people under the age of 18.

If you fall into any of these categories it wouldprobably be best to delete this e-mail and forget about the whole thing.

Remember, revenge is always an option.

By clicking the link below, and visiting the PinStruck.comsite you agree, and are bound by, the terms of the PINSTRUCKUSER AGREEMENT available at pinstruck.com/user.htm

You have been warned! Click the link below to view yourvoodoo curse!

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Holy shit!! I’ve been cursed!! Actually I’m kind offlattered. I just hope nothing bad happens to me today. If you don’t see anymore updates after this one, you’ll know that I’ve left this earth….

OldNews / Forums

You Dumb Bastard…. (12:00AM EST)Jack
I’m kind of catching up in the polls, but it looks like I’m going tolose this little contest. I guess one of the downsides of this site getting alittle more popular is that I get to deal with all the douche bags. Here’s aclassic case of girls who should not breed.

From:Manduh
Subject: hah
Jack, (or whatever your name is) I’ll first start off by saying..your sitedesign is UGLY. Period. Moving on. To be perfectly honest your site looks like acheesey rip off of my boyfriend’s old site. If you’re gonna have a site full ofrandom bitching, at least learn how to do it right. Anyhow, having said that,I’ll bring this email to an end. Don’t bother writing back some half brainedsmart ass reply, cos I’m sure it wouldn’t be entertaining in the least. And btw,good luck with finding a new girlfriend.

It’s always great when a dumbass girllearns how to use the internet and the email system. She didn’t include anyaddress for her boyfriends site, so I’ve got nothing to compare my site with.And another point, I have never said that I’m some sort of designer. I do myupdates in Front Page so fuck you fat ass. And go back to the rock from whichyou crawled out of.

you are a pretty cool guy. you like Kevin Smith, youseem sweet, not a huge freako. But the answer unfortunately is no. you’re a guyand well i’m a lesbian. so if you were a chick i’d totally be there. you’ll finda good girlfriend eventually, or you could always rent one.
p.s. i’m not just saying i’m gay to make fun of the whole chasing amy thingeither.
XOXO Monkie

I think I’m in love… I figure I might as well just goafter unattainable girls and just save myself the time and effort. This way I’llknow I have no chance from the very beginning, instead of wasting valuable timeand money trying to get in the girls pants.

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