February 16 – 28 2001 Post Archive :: I Want a New Girlfriend

February 16 – 28 2001 Post Archive :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

Old News / Forums

I Love the Smell Of Updates in the Evening (6:05PM EST)Brodie
I’m addicted to the two Kevin Smith webpages. View Askew and News Askew reading the summaries, checking out the webpages and just taking in as much info as I can. Check them out if you got some time. Well by the looks of the poll, I’m not as popular as I thought. As of right now 7 people would actually date me, and 9 would do it for a million dollars. Pretty sad stats if you ask me. Maybe it’s just a bunch of dudes voting, if so girls, vote yes!!

Well my big plan for tonight is to watch Mallrats for the millionth time tonight. Sounds pretty exciting huh? Don’t you all wish your life was as cool as mine. In place of actually going out and meeting real people, I sit on my ass and work on computers and watch movies. At least I have been hitting the gym lately. So I’m not a total recluse. Some old granny was hitting on me the other day though, I’m not sure how cool that is….

A lot of people have responded lately to my posts about the girl that I lost. Here’s an especially good one.

Hi Jack. I’ve been coming to your site for about 2 weeks now and it never fails to cheer me up. You seem like one of the rare nice guys out there, and your relationship advice is up there with the best.

Hey that’s awesome! I was thinking that I haven’t done any relationship advice lately. So if have a question or anything, give me an email.

On to why I’m emailing you. I read today that you’ve been visiting View Askew and that you purchased Chasing Amy. I don’t know why, really, but I think its great that you like the movie, even better that you’re a KS fan, and the best part is that you admitted you can relate to the movie. I thought before that you’re a good guy with something that girls must just not *see*, and now I know it for sure. Best of luck in finding the one girlfriend you “don’t want to trade in.” And if she should hurt you, gimme her address…she’ll be sorry.

All his movies are wicked awesome, and I can watch them over and over. Every one has movies that they love and watch again and again. I guess these movies just some how strike a cord with me. When Clerks has first come out I was working as a bus boy in a pretty popular restaurant. We used to joke around that we were going to make our own movie about our business. It never happened, but maybe in a couple years after I become famous they’ll want to make a bio on me….. I doubt it though.

Since you sent me a nice email, you get a couple of links.


Old News / Forums

Wednesday Morning Blues (10:58AM EST)Jack
Another hump day comes around, it’s time for a post. Thanks for all the comments left in the message board in the last couple of days. They really are good to read.But I don’t want you people thinking I’m going to turn into some sappy Jack. I’ll be true to my roots and just keep plugging along.

Speaking of plugs, here’s a couple of galleries for you.

Kari WuhrerLola

I don’t think there’s any better cure for the blues than looking at hot girls. I’ll be adding a couple of new galleries each day, so you can look forward to those. I’m sure they’re more exciting than news that I post. If you’re looking for some more porn I would have to recommend Geek Porn. Who ever said that girls can’t be smart and sexy at the same time never saw that site.


I bought this movie a couple of days ago, and finally watched it last night. To tell you the truth I only bought it because it was $4.99 and Jason Lee was in it. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s nothing great either. The guy from Billy Bathgate plays a shrink in the small town of Mumford. In the the couple of months that he’s been there he has become the most popular psychiatrist in the town. Some parts were pretty corny, but others, like the flashback scenes are actually good.

I think the best part of the movie is when they visit Jason Lee’s little laboratory. If you haven’t seen it yet, I wont spoil it for you. So check it out if you’ve got a couple hours to kill. There’s a few tit shots and some funny scenes. Check it out if want….

Comments about this post:

Tuesday, February 27, 2001

Old News / Forums

The Most Personal Post (11:00PM EST)Jack
Most of my posts have to do with something going on in my life. Whether it’s what’s going on in school, or with a girl that I’m seeing. In this case tonight I’ll probably write one of the most personal and toughest posts ever.

Tonight I either made a big mistake, or finally made a decision that I should have long ago. Recently I’ve been mentioning a girl that I’ve been seeing. Here’s a little background to our story. We met last summer and became pretty good friends. We both go to the same college, and share a lot of the same interests. We were nothing more than friends for awhile, but I wanted to bump it up to the next level.

Well over the course of last semester we became closer friends, and had some great times together. Even while I was going out with Devon I still thought about this girl. So when me and Devon split up, I decided it was time to take our relationship to the next level. I don’t think any one understands how perfect this girl was, and how much she meant to me. All of that is over, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

We started going out, but that’s where shit got a little complicated. I smoke, and I’ve smoked since I was 17. This girl smoked for a little while but quit after the end of last semester. She really wanted me to quit, and I did, but didn’t really keep it up. I tried to quit, but I ended up not going through with it. I tried to keep it a secret for awhile, but she found out, and that’s where the troubles began.

The whole thing about trust, and honesty, came up, and once those issues come up in any relationship it’s the beginning of the end. So before this weekend she said she’d give me a second chance, but was actually giving me the cold shoulder. I knew it wasn’t going to work out, so tonight I decided to make my feelings known.

I told her it wasn’t working out, and she said to me “I know, I thought I had already made that clear….” I also told her that I couldn’t be her friend anymore, because I knew that I just couldn’t be around her knowing that she totally dissed me. She kept asking for a reason why, but there was no way I was going to tell it was because I liked her too much. I told her it was because of the way she had been treating me.

Which wasn’t a total lie, because she had been a little controlling. Not in the sense of telling me what to do, but in trying to mold me into the perfect boyfriend. A lot of the changes she wanted me to make weren’t bad, just that it wasn’t me. So I guess I kind of flipped out, and maybe made a big mistake.

She doesn’t read this site, so it’s not like I’m writing this for her to read. I’m just writing to get this shit out of my head. Even though I’ve been dragged through the gutter, I still really like this girl. But the real question I have is if it’s possible for people who have been friends, and then start a relationship, to become friends again.

I really don’t think it’s possible. I’ve had girls that have been just friends, but something always seem to fuck it up. Either we end up fooling around and complicating everything, or something else happens. In all my experiences it’s never happened.

So I’d like to hear what every one has to say about this little story, and about friends between the sexes. So click on the link and post whatever you want to say. Thanks for reading……

Click here to comment on this post

Old News / Forums

A Change In Direction (5:13PM EST)Jack
Got this email today, which kind of made me think a little bit.

hey, I’m a fan of yer site, read it every few days and see what’s up…looking for funny shit…you bashing on people….crazy sites…etc. it’s great. it brightens up my week of schoolwork. Anyway, I’m writing because lately I’ve noticed a change. You seem like yer valuing things more (like when you wrote about trying to patch things up with that chick…posts about first loves…and I’ve also noticed yer not bashing people’s e-mails as much.) I dunno..I’m sure if you post this, right there is where you’ll say “yeah well fuck you!” hehe and bash me. But seriously, I dunno if yer all somber right now and that’s where this change came from, or maybe yer feeling better and that’s the source of the change in outlook. But whichever it is, I hope yer doing ok man. Hopefully things are coming together for you….and that’s what’s making you look differently at things.

This is probably one of the best emails I’ve gotten in awhile. I guess it’s kind of true that the posts have been a little bit different lately. It’s not something I’ve been doing on purpose, I guess it’s just how I’ve been feeling. This site has always been about my thoughts, dreams, fantasies, and anything else I think is important. A lot of people just look at the title and think I’m some desperate guy looking for a girlfriend, or they think that I’m woman hating pig that looks at porn all day long. Neither of those are totally true, but a small part of me might admit to it.

I had a girlfriend when I started this site, and hopefully I’ll have a wife when I end the site. It’s something I’m really looking forward to, but that is the inevitable. There will be a end to this site someday. I guess it will be when I find a girlfriend that I don’t want to trade in. Will that day ever come? I hope so, cause I don’t want to be updating this site when I’m 40 and posting pictures of School Girls and Cheerleaders.

I’m going to try a little experiment. At the end of each post I’ll give you a link to where you can comment on what I’ve written. Whether you want to tell me to fuck off, or tell me that things are going to ok, all comments are welcome. I want to get a little more communication between me and the people that read the site. So if you’ve got something to say just click on the link below.

Click here to comment on this post.

Old News / Forums

More Online Dating (12:29PM EST) Jack
I added some more stuff to the online dating section. Here’s just a little taste.

Jack- You’re fucking kidding me, right?

Yahoo Personals are generally a waste of time. Two years ago in an act of desperation, I put up an ad and met three, um, unique individuals.

I had response within the first few hours from the first chick. She and I emailed for a couple weeks then spoke on the phone a few times. She seemed nice, fun-loving, and described herself as 5’9″ 150lbs and strong because she supposedly worked out everyday. I was desperate, so I figured “what the fuck?”

Read More In the Online Dating Section

Remember the dumb online chick from yesterday? Here’s a little conversation that some guy had with her.

KAThetaAngel: baaaa you are a sheep
Godzillaa: No. Just bored, actually.
KAThetaAngel: yeah i’m not and dont want your message
Godzillaa: What the hell kind of angel are you anyway?
KAThetaAngel: the best kind
Godzillaa: You arent being very angelic.
KAThetaAngel: goodnight
KAThetaAngel: & u are rude
Godzillaa: I’ve been called a lot of things, but, RUDE?
Godzillaa: Thats bloody absurd
KAThetaAngel: what else do you call it whensomeone else tells you to go fuck wth someone and you do?
Godzillaa: And the fact that you are a college student and I just barely graduated high school and I have better grammar than you is simply atrocious Godzillaa: No one told me to do anything.
KAThetaAngel: wahtever
KAThetaAngel: go to hell and goo dnight
Godzillaa: By downloading an Instant Messenger, you basically sign an open contract stating your willingness to converse with unknown persons from unknown locations.
Godzillaa: I am rude? Look in the mirror, if its not crusted over with poorly aimed semen, you fuckslut. Night. 🙂

Not the most productive form of entertainment, but it sure beats doing homework!

Old News / Forums

More Useless Stuff (12:09PM EST)Jack
I was wondering if this site is actually useful to the people that come and visit. What do you look for when you log on? Porn? Advice? Or just looking to feel good because your life is probably ten times better than mine? Well, whatever your reasons, I’m glad you log on.

I mean to plug this guys site a few days ago and I never got around to it. So here you go. I also fucked up the link on another site, so everyone should check out Sooperfriends too. Now on to the viewer mail.

From: Lorena
Subject: Hi!
Hi Jack, I just read your message about your first love. I just realized something from your message. I just had to respond. Hope you don’t mind. I had a first love that I could’t get out of my mind either. We had a pretty sad ending, we were in high school when we met and broke up.

Anyway, 22 years later he found me and we started out so happy. Now, here we are, in the same mess we were in back then, he’s leaving without properly saying goodbye again other than all my love and what do you think about ending it now and other stuff. I just told him okay, and see ya, and good luck, just basically no comment. Then, I tried calling him on friday to try to be if nothing else friends, he told me to call him back at 2:00, well he dawged me. Anyway, you’d think we as older people would be able to be civil, but its not so.

22 years later!?! How old are you actually? I didn’t know there was anybody over the age of 20 that visited my site. It seems like the only girls that ever email or im me are like 14.

I hope you move on with your life and get over this person. They don’t change! However, i do believe in those first love relationships, you’ll never forget them.

Yeah as sappy as it sounds, first loves are pretty cool. There’s just something about having a person you can tell anything too, and have them try their hardest to understand. The only thing that does really suck is when it ends. After my first love went sour I wanted to fuck everything in site and totally forget about her. As time went on though, I remembered the great times we spent together, and the memories that will last a life time.

Well, hope everything works for you. If your interested in possibly what could happen in the future go to this site:


Sometimes when I’m really bored or just really fucked up, I wonder if I’ll ever find some one to fall in love with again. Maybe that girl was my one chance, and I screwed it up.. Or maybe we just met too young, and weren’t ready for each other. I’m still waiting to meet that next girl who can convince me that there is a point to marriage. No one I’ve met has even come close to that, and I’m sure if there’s a girl out there who will. I’ve only got the next couple of years to find her, and hopefully I’ll find her soon.

Monday, February 26, 2001

Old News / Forums

Yahoo Personal Responses (7:54PM EST)Jack
I put up a Yahoo personal today and I’ve already gotten a few responses. I was pretty shocked myself. Here are a couple of them.

From: XXXXX@yahoo.com
hey ~ i was looking through the personals for a laugh with my friends and urs actually turned out to be halfway descent.. y in the world do u have a personals ad?.. ur wicked cute and i doubt u have that hard of a time finding cute college girls to have an interest in..

Read More In The Online Dating Section

Old News / Forums

Eye Candy (7:12PM EST)Jack
People sometimes ask me what pisses me off. This is a perfect example.

KAThetaAngel: so explain your website to megetnewgirlfriend: what?KAThetaAngel: ur sn was on a website KAThetaAngel: get a new girlfriend blah blah blahKAThetaAngel: don’t understand the site lolgetnewgirlfriend: then read itKAThetaAngel: lolKAThetaAngel: eh i probably won’t find it againKAThetaAngel: just had to askgetnewgirlfriend: k

Normally I don’t have a problem with dumb people. Because without dumb people in this world, how would I look smart? But I really really really hate people who ask what the site is about. Plus this was her little message.

Hi! I’m Kristi Marie! I’m a Kappa Alpha Theta at UCSD- Quality Brand Girls since 1870!!! I love to dance and have a good time with all of my friends!!! When you look for the right person, you always end up with the wrong one. But when you just sit by the corner and wait, they come along and share the corner with you. Life is too short to worry about what other people think! This is my planet- kindly LEAVE!!! Life is a circus and I am walking the tightrope! People would get along with me so much better if they would only worship me like the Princess I am!!! Tried and true when only an Angel will do!!!

What kind of info message is that? So in the same theme as the American Jackass AIM revenge page, we’ll have a little fun. Everyone IM KAThetaAngeland have a little fun with her. I added my own little generic message, but feel free to add your own. Just make sure that the link is somewhere in the message.

I’m going to add more shit to this post, but I just wanted to upload it so you people could have some fun. So click on her name, and send the best conversations you have to me.

Old News / Forums

Patching Things Up (1:09PM EST)Jack
Another Monday, another fun day. I’m in the middle of patching things up with the woman, and it’s going slowly. Of course things just can’t be easy for me. But I’m not going to complain, it’s just not worth wasting my time.

Just wanted to says thanks to Ratatak, it’s look like they added me to their perma links. I think that’s pretty cool of them. So I returned the favor. Another cool site I’ve been checking out is View Askew. Kevin Smith’s website dedicated to the movies he’s made. I completed my collection when I bought Chasing Amy a couple of days ago. I can almost relate to what happens in that movie….

Now don’t get the wrong idea, I’ve never fallen in love with a lesbian and then tried to have a three way with her and my best friend, but I’ve delt with the ups and downs of relationships. People say opposites attract, but in my experiences its never worked out for the best. My first girlfriend was probably the polar opposite of me. She was popular, pretty, smart, and best of all, had a killer body. Where I was unpopular, hideous, fucking retarded, and way out of shape. Sure my animal magnetism drew her into my arms, but after the initial lust, there was nothing left. Since we were such opposites, we had to break up, and the fact that she sleep with half the kids in the freshman class kind of figured into it too.

And to all the people that say being friends first makes the relationships even better are full of shit too. I was friends with a chick for a long time, and then when we tried to start a relationship together, it just weirded us both out. We already knew too much about each other, and decided that we should just be friends. I wouldn’t have been to upset, but having sex with this chick was great.

So where does this leave me now? Well I threw up a Yahoo personal, just in case I get kicked to the curb shortly. But I’m not really getting my hopes up. Maybe I’ll just remain celibate for the next 7 months until I move into the orgy pad, otherwise known as a college dorm. Or maybe I should just try my hardest to make things right with the girl that I like now, and see what happens with that.

Sunday, February 25, 2001

Old News / Forums

Going Through The Motions (7:38PM EST)Jack
No real good viewer mail this week, so why don’t you people send me some stuff.

From: Some Guy
Subject: Hey, what’s up?
Hey whats up man? Jus stoppin’ by to say whats up, and to let u know u got a cool ass site. I jus started to get into E/N Sites, and I’m seein’ everywhere thats yours is pretty well respected. Well, no point to this e-mail, check out my site if u got time… http://www.discombobulate.cjb.net


I’m well respected?!? Who told you that lie? I’m like the Rodney Dangerfield of the E/N community. I get noooooo respect, but thanks for the email anyways.

From: Some other Guy
Subject: hello there
I tried to send you a message on your submit page but i don’t think it worked. So i’ll simplify it. I want you to write an article for me at my Wack Media site. (I noticed you said you like Jay Z, don’t be offended, but there’s an article on him, sorry). so check it out if you get a chance


Victor Ward

Yeah none of the forms work, and they wont work till I get my lazy ass in gear. For now, the best way to get a hold of me is email, or just im me. Or if have some relationship question that needs to be asked immediately check out the forums. I could try and write an article, but I can barely keep up with posting on this ghetto little site.

From: Yet Another Guy
Subject: wetair
Hello there,

My name is Adam Kramer, and I am Director of New Business for Wetair.com. Wetair is an arts and entertainment web destination for the young adult/college audience. Due to the nature of our targeted demographic, we have positioned Wetair to be an online destination that is edgy, progressive, and even slightly irreverent.

I was wondering if you�re site would like to feature some of our more brazen pieces (progressively downloaded quicktime files) on your site. We can supply you with the leaf-page url or the direct link to our pop-ups. I am also interested in talking with you about shared value opportunities to further promote wetair on your site.

Check out these features:

Fetish Party- http://www.wetair.com/content10.jsp?id=529
Super Skin- http://www.wetair.com/content10.jsp?id=533
The Adventures of Enos- http://www.wetair.com/content16.jsp?id=337
Sex Patrol- http://www.wetair.com/content15.jsp?id=273

We are constantly creating new and exciting content every day so check back for more!

Please feel free to contact me with any questions.

I didn’t really check out this site for too long, but I think it’s something like All True. Might be cool to have some vids up here every once in awhile. Check them out and let me know if there worth going to.

Well that’s all for right now. Check out some of these sites that I like:

– Chimptopia – The Campus Rag – Ratatak – Squeeze Boobs –

Sooperfriends – Zgeek – The Inept – Some Idiot – American Jackass –

– Punogre –

Old News / Forums

Stop Whining! (6:14PM EST)Jack
I realized that I whine a whole hell of a lot lately. I’m not sure why, but I just haven’t been in a good mood these last couple of days. Shit that used to make smile, just has no effect right now. Maybe it’s because it’s hailing outside and my driver side window wont go up, or it might be something else entirely different. Whatever the reason I’ve got to bust out of this funk. I’m pretty sure big tittied naked bitches falling from the sky would make me happy though.

I really don’t have anything to complain about, and that’s the messed up thing. I’ve got a roof over my head, a job, and I’m going to school full time. Two years ago I was living with my mom, working as a cook (although there’s nothing wrong with that) and going nowhere. I guess the only thing that’s really missing from my life is a serious girlfriend to share stuff with. I don’t normally get all sappy and stuff, but it’s something I have to work on soon. In my entire life I’ve had two serious relationships. And by serious I mean lasting over six months. I think that’s pretty sad. Now being 22 and getting closer to 23, I’m starting to wonder if it’s maybe something wrong with me….

I fuck things up with the good girls, and I’m getting tired of the bad girls. So where does that leave me? A life of going to clubs, and then bars in order to find the girl of my dreams? I just don’t see that happening. Most of my life is spent on this computer, either doing homework, or typing out my thoughts.

Sometimes I think I should just unplug for a little bit. Take a little break, meet a girl, just do something than sit in front of this computer. But I wont, because I honestly enjoy doing this site. It’s kind of cool knowing that people are going through the same stuff as me. It’s even better when a girl writes in and says she loves the site. Those are the things that keep me going, and keep me updating. That and the naked pictures of girls….

Saturday, February 24, 2001

Old News / Forums

Still Jocking the Bitches (1:14PM EST) Jack
So I’m still going to the gym, and I’m finally eating a healthy diet. It’s full of fruits, veggies, and othergoodfoods. I even cut down the amount of coke that I’ve been drinking. I feel like a brand new person. I’ve got a lot more energy and starting to notice my gut go down just a little bit. I figure by summer time I’ll be one huge babe magnet.

So what’s the deal with this? Some loser saying that I’ve got less of a life than Stile. This guy is one to talk… I skimmed through a couple of his posts, but they were nothing special. With witty write up on how some kid won a lawsuit, I’m still wondering why this guy isn’t a millionaire.

Old News / Forums

garageDogs (12:03PM EST)Jack

Feb 26th – Fat Monday
Jacques the last dog show This is the last dog show in boston…. we are leaving this fair town the same way we showed up… with a UHAUL and a gig with Rick Berlin at Jacques.. thankyou Boston for all the great times…. come hear us say goodbye to our friend Rick

Check out Rick Berlin’s Site.

garageDogs (last show in town before they move to LA) Rick at 10:30 sharp. garageDogs around 11:20

Jacques Address is: 79 Broadway, Bay Village, Boston, MA. Phone: 617-426-8902

Thursday, February 22, 2001

Old News / Forums

Jodie Foster Told Me To Do It (10:34PM EST)Jack
Some quick shit before I go to bed. The guys over at American Jackass came up with a great idea. How many times has some one pissed you off on AOL? I’m sure it’s been many times… Well now it’s time to get you revenge. As stolen from the AOL Revenge Page.

I’m sure you have someone that you want to piss off. We all do.

So here’s our thinking: Why not have millions of Americans help you out? Face it. Sometimes the best approach is an indirect one. – Want to know what causes stress? Sadly it’s not one traumatizing experience but a series of build ups that climaxes when they pull the trigger.

So here’s what you do: Just leave their screenname and a message that you want to appear when they get IMed. Random people online will do the rest of the work for you. Everyone wins. You get satisfaction from knowing they will be fucked with and everyone else has fun.

This page is fucking great!! Just send random ims to people and piss them off.

Old News / Forums

He Who Laughs Last (7:25PM EST)Jack
So I’m checking out my referral logs and this site comes up. Of course he throws this little comment in.

Some would argue that weblogs are a masturbatory phenomenon; if that is the case, then this one (which somehow appeared in my referer logs), appears to take this metaphor to new levels of literalness.

Is this guy talking shit cause I jerk off a lot? I’m not sure what to think about this guy, it’s not like his site is something special. So go jerk off a little more and then come talk to me.

I’m not a big wrestling fan. But that site is alright. You can’t really go wrong with a big playboy bunny on your front page. Check out the IWANG webring down at the bottom. If you guys like it and sign up I’ll keep it. If you think it’s gay I’ll delete it quicker than you can say pussy!

This site is a member of WebRing.
To browse visit here.

Old News / Forums

Didn’t Get the Joke…. (5:31PM EST)Jack
I didn’t realize so many of you people were into health and fitness. I’ve gotten like 50 emails from people trying to get me in shape. That means I’ve had 50 different opinions on what I should be doing. I don’t want to take up too much space here, but this will be my workout routine for the next couple of months. I also picked up a lot of info on supplements and nutrition stuff. After today I wont be chowing down on Big Macs.

I did want to point you to this page though. I thought it was pretty funny, the whole concept behind the site. Nakkid Nerds are the way to go! I’m a nerd, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want me to get naked or anything. Actually you’d probably give me ten bucks a month to keep my clothes on. It’s too bad that most of her site is members only, cause I’d love to see more of her. Maybe she’ll let me have a test account so I can do a more in-depth article on what’s going on. Check it out, and if you’re into that stuff, sign up.

These guys like my stuff so much they posted in on their site! I never really got into the online gaming scene. Maybe it’s because I only had a dial-up account and a really shitty computer. I used to fuck around a little with Quake and stuff, but it was only with friends that I knew. Any one else could kick my ass royally. So I did real stuff, like chase girls and drive fast cars.

Wednesday, February 21, 2001

Old News / Forums

Thanks For the Support (10:34PM EST)Jack
Thanks for all the emails you guys sent me today. I’ve locked down a work out schedule and even picked up some useful info on supplements. Another big thanks goes out to Ernie and Ratatak both are high quality sites worth wasting some time on.

Some times the highlight of my evening is checking my referrals and seeing if any new sites have linked me. Sometimes I find a new daily stop…

ZGeek – I really like this site, and not just because they made me their site of the week. Check them out even though they’re from Australia.

Fragile Sin – I have to link her because she’s a bad ass chick. Plus she gets naked on her cam, and has some naked pics on her site. Maybe she’ll take some with my name on them next time.

Scandalous – Some hot black chick that linked me. I’ve never had a black chick before. Think she would want to be my first?

A Guy and His Monkey – Fucking funny ass site!

Lilkobi – I think this is some Japanese site or something.

Those are just a few of the sites that have linked me in the last week or two. I just wanted to say thanks for everything. When I first started this I didn’t think any one would want to read this little site. Well, nobody except my girlfriend’s parents.

From: Bill
Subject: workout
Hey Jack,
Skip Dave’s CREATINE loading bullshit. (The guy only gained 20lbs in many years?) Your body can only absorb so much of the stuff and your liver filters out the rest and you piss it out. The stuff isnt cheap so theres no need to piss it away. Take a heaping teaspoon in the morning on an empty stomach and get the MICRONIZED creatine (it is a much finer powder and mixes easily with water). If you want to shed a few pounds go to the gym early in the morning and (if you can stomach it) drink a black cup of coffee before you hit the treadmill. Your body will burn solely fat for the energy you need first thing in the morning. And the Coffee will give you the kickstart you need, also your Testerone level is the highest in the morning(hence usually waking up with a woody). get yourself some protein powder and mix up a shake after your workout( this will give your muscles the building blocks they need to grow while recuperating from the strain of the workout).

Taking Ephedrine will also help you shed unwanted fat and harden up for the summer. Start with taking only one or you may get a uneasy feeling or feel a little shaky.

Workout 2 days on one day off, then two days on, two days off. On Monday I do Chest and Biceps, Tuesday I do Legs and shoulders(legs are pretty taxing, hence the next day off to recuperate) Wednesday off. Thursday I do Back and Triceps and Friday I do Calves, Traps, forearms and some other shit that takes up an hour. If you r a real Keener you could do Abs and cardio 4 or 5 days a week as well but thats up to you. I do recommend a half hour on the treadmill before your workout though. Keep us posted on how it goes and start posting some pics of the progress(your girlfriends pages will grow)

I think if I ever posted half naked pictures of myself the page views would go down pretty quickly. I do plan on taking some before and after pictures for the site. I’ll do them tomorrow after I get out of class. I’m actually pretty stoked, cause I can feel what these last few days of working out have done for me. I feel more energetic, and I’m sure I could do a number on a chick if I had one.

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Some Funny Stuff (7:36PM EST)Jack
A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, “For Women Only”. Since they were without their boyfriends or parents, they decide to go in.

The desk clerk, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors…go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, “All the men here have it short and thin.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads, “All the men here have it long and thin.”

Still, this wasn’t good enough, so the friends move up to the third floor, where the sign reads, “All the men here have it short and thick.” This was still another disappointment, but knowing there are still 2 floors left, they move on to the next floor.

On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect. “All the men here have it long and thick.”

The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is one floor left. Wondering what they were missing, they go to the fifth floor, where the sign reads, “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”

It’s so very true, this little joke. No matter how hard we try to please the ladies in our life, it just never happens. I’ve gone from bad-boy to church going kid, and the chick I hang out with still doesn’t think it’s good enough. I’ve been in this position before, and now it’s time to try a little experiment. I’m going to just be myself for the next few weeks and we’ll see if she still wants to be my “friend.” If she drops me like a bad habit, then I’ll never be able to trust a girl again. If she sticks with me, then I guess I’ll owe all the women of the world an apology.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be winning this bet though. For porn star goodness, check out Chimptopia. Some how he scored pictures of a lot of my ex-girlfriends.

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The Story Behind the Rock (2:35PM EST)Jack
I don’t normally do posts about marriage and stuff, mostly because I don’t plan on getting married any time soon. But I did find this site today. It’s a collection of stories about how people have proposed over the years. If you’re close to getting married, or even just thinking about proposing, this book might be the thing for you. And even if you’re just looking to get some more sex from your girlfriend.

I guess I should start thinking about marriage soon though. I’m like 22 and only have a couple more good years of picking up strippers. I’ll have to settle down and find a good girl who can cook, clean, and put up with this website. So far my search has left me with nothing. I’ll start hanging out at churches and libraries and shit I guess.

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Viewer Mail (12:07PM EST)Jack
It seems like I get more and more email each day. Maybe I should stop posting my email address. But sometimes I like getting mail from people. Like this guy.

From: Raymond
Subject: Workout
Hey Jack,
Nice site you got going there.I see you have decided to start working out so I have one word for you that will help you get big and strong faster, CREATINE.

I’ve actually heard of Creatine before and I know some of the big guys at the gym use it constantly. Of course they’re using steroids which may make them huge, but shrinks them down to baby dicks.

If you are serious about getting in shape for the summer then you have got to take Creatine. Go to GNC and get the Pro Performance brand “Creatine Plus”. Don’t waste you money on more expensive brands, Pro Performance brands are just as good as EAS and Twin Labs. Not to mention cheaper since if you by 1 Pro Performance product you can get a second of the same product for %50 off. Also while you are there get the Gold card and you can save %20 on the first Tuesday of each month.

To effectively use the Creatine take a teaspoon of it with grape juice. Do try to mix it with the juice or water. Put the Creatine in your mouth dry and then take a sip of the juice then swish it around in your mouth like you do mouth wash, don’t gargle, and then swallow. Then take another sip of the juice to get the rest of it. Creatine does not mix well so you end up wasting some of it if you try to mix it. you only need about 4oz of grape juice.

Your first week do “Creatine loading”. This is were you take Creatine 5 times a day for one week. Always take it within 30 minutes before you workout, I take it right before, and take it right after you finish working out. Then space the other 3 times throughout the rest of the day, but don’t take it right before bedtime.

After you finish the week then just take it right before you workout and right after.

You will see results within a week if you take if correctly and you are serious about your workout.

I don’t know how much workout experience you have or knowledge but I have done some extensive reading and research of the course of many years, I went from a 145 pound weakling that could barely do 5 dumbbell bench presses with 20 lbs to a nicely cut 165 lbs and pressing 65 lbs dumbbells for 8 reps and squatting 295 lbs for 5 reps. All within 6 months thanks to Creatine and dedication in the gym. So if you need any tips or advice feel free to ask.

Actually since you’re offering, I need a workout schedule. Right now I’ve been just hopping on the treadmill for a half hour and then using the weights. When I use to workout back in the day I’d have a set routine and follow it to the T. Maybe if you’ve got some free time or something you could come up with a basic routine for me to get in shape. Also if any of you out there are dieticians or something, maybe like a good eating plan to stick to. I know enough not to go to Wendy’s but I’m totally clueless when it comes to what foods I should be eating. You can email all good tips here.

Now I can put up a good email without putting up a dumb email. So here we go.

From: Alberta Hunter
Subject: web site
Hello Jack, I’ve been to your site a few times. For a guy who’s trying to attract women your site sure is disrespectful to them.

I never said I was trying to pick up women with this site. Most of my female friends have no clue I run this, and I’d like to keep it that way. But also, I’m sick of people saying this site is disrespectful. How can my thoughts and a few pictures offend so many people?

Although I suppose the women you’re trying to attract are either too stupid to know that they’re being taken advantage of (probably not) or they just don’t care (bingo.) If that’s what you’re going for, more power to ya but if you want a better caliber of woman you’ll need to reexamine some of your site’s content.

Ok honey, I’ll bite… What specifically should I work on? I want to become a better man, and conform to what women want. Should I shave my legs, play dress up with you, and become the “sensitive male?” Or should should I smack you around, call you a bitch, and have you fall head over heels in love, because I’m the “bad boy?”

That’s not my major complaint though. My major complaint is that you have no sense of humor at all. You make no jokes, no smart cracks, no witty remarks. The only funny thing on your website is what you call funny pictures. Lemme tell ya Jack, those pics are about as funny as Three’s Company without Chrissy Snow. No woman is gonna want a man without a sense of humor unless she only wants money, which you haven’t got. Ligten up man, put some funny and stupid shit on your website that has nothing to do with sex or at least if it does, it’s actually funny. Get some pics of those freaky people that have to dress up in fur costumes to get it on, now THAT’s humor. a.

Well your email was just a barrel of laughs! I’m falling off my chair because it’s so funny. I can picture you sitting in front of your computer eating Cheetos and deciding to write me because your boyfriend dumped your fat ass. Don’t take out your aggressions on me just because you’ve gained a little weight. Maybe if you got on a workout routine, you might be able to win him back. Just a little advice for you….

Link of the Post: This is a Cry For Help

Tuesday, February 20, 2001

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Some Stuff To Talk About (5:23PM EST)Jack
Seeing as how spring break is almost here I’ve decided to start smoking pot again.Truthfully I never got into the pot scene. I kind of bypassed the whole thing and went right for the hard stuff. The funny thing is that I didn’t really start until the year after my failed attempt at college.

Pot had always bored me, I just never saw the benefits of doing it. But that didn’t really stop me. I can remember working as a busboy and burping out smoke when I’d be clearing tables.

If I had to pick my drug of choice, I would have to say nitrous. We use to buy those little whip cream canisters at Lechters up at the mall. Shit was expensive, but it was wicked fun. On summer nights we’d hang outside my front door and do balloon after balloon. I probably killed off most of brain cells that summer. Good thing they grow back, right?

That summer was one of the best ones of my life. Days were spent 4 wheeling on the outer beach, and nights were spent working in a job with no pressure at all. The biggest decision I had to make was whether I was going to wear a black t-shirt, or a white one. Girls would flock to me like white on rice, and the world was in the palm of my hand. Too bad shit got a little fucked up after that.

I’m not here to whine about shit that’s gone down in my life, I’m here to cheer you people up. So what can I write about that’s semi entertaining and also satisfies my need to bare my soul. I could post more AOL personals, but that doesn’t add anything to society… I could complain more about me not being able to find a cool girl, and when I do I some how fuck it up…. Or maybe I’ll just post some porn and make all you fuckers happy.

Old News / Forums

A Leopard Can’t Change It’s Spots (2:35PM EST)Jack
So I get in a little argument with my g/f last night. Well I’m not sure if she’s my girlfriend, but she’s some one I’ve been hanging out with recently and she’s pretty cool. We had friends first, and decided to move things to next level.

Now let me give you a little background info on this girl. She’s 19, in college, and one of the nicest girls you could ever meet. She’s super smart, and super hot. I guess the one little thing that could be a con is that she’s lead a pretty sheltered life.

She’s never done drugs, drinks occasionally, doesn’t smoke, and does well in school. There are all great things, but I guess I’m the opposite of most of them. In my youth I fucked around with shit, and got myself in a little bit of trouble. I’ve straightened my shit out now, but I guess my past kind of bugs her out.

So we’re talking last night and she asks for “a detailed bio from age 16 to the present.” I didn’t really know what she wanted me to tell her, so I pretty much told her a lot of what I did. I’ve never hidden what I did, and she knew most of it from when we were first hanging out. But then she asked more and more questions, ones like “do you friends work or just go to school?” and “do you think that you’ve changed in the last couple of years?”

I guess these questions are valid and stuff, but it felt more like an interrogation than a little getting to know you chat. I got a little pissed off and I probably said some things that fucked my up my chances. That’s life I guess.

Monday, February 19, 2001

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I Want to Fuck You Like An… (10:30PM EST)Jack
I’m bored and it really shows. Why don’t some hot chicks send me pictures, and I’ll link your site or something. I’m trying to think of shit to write about, but it’s easier to post pictures.

– Delia 1 – Delia 2 – Delia 3 –

Check out her site because she was nice enough to take some pics for us. Now I just need some over 18 girls to take naked pics for me and I’ll be in heaven. I’m in the middle of watching Se7en and I just remembered where I saw the captain before… He’s the drill sargent in Full Metal Jacket. That’s another movie I have to see soon. Got this in my email box this morning.

From: Boobies
Subject: Hi Jack
Just wanted to let you know about our site and maybe you’d be interested in exchanging links or doing a story on us. We’re an amateur site run by 2 girls who just love to look at and talk about boobs. This is not a porn site.

thanks Erin
Squeeze Boobs

I love boobies!! I was actually watching MTV the other night and got to see some boobies. They were doing a special on breast implants and reductions. They were showing boobies all over the place. It was probably the best show MTV has done in awhile. If they showed more tits, I might watch it more. Of course they’d rather show N’SYNC and the Backside Boys.

What I should be doing is posting over here on this site. The webmaster was gracious enough to allow me to write, and I’ve totally slacked off on it. Why don’t you check them out and read some good quality posts. Maybe some time I’ll kick this whole laziness thing and make some posts over there.

Old News / Forums

This isn’t going to have a happy ending. (4:24PM EST) Jack
Se7en is one of the most bad ass movies I’ve seen in a long time. Shit I’ve watched three times in the last three nights. I still remember watching it the first time in the theaters and being blown away by it. It was only six years ago, which would have made me like 15 when I saw it. Damn it seems like time just flies by when you’re growing up.

Speaking of growing up, my 5 year high school reunion is coming up. I’m still debating on whether I should go to it or not. For you people that read the site daily, you know I’m originally from Cape Cod, but moved to Western MA two years ago. So I’ve lost touch with a lot of friends who I use to see. Sure we still talk on the phone, but it’s tough to keep in touch when there’s an ocean and a three hour drive between you. I really should go back and see what’s changed since then. I’ve got a sister who’s like a junior or maybe a senior there now.

A lot of stuff has changed since I drove my 89 Daytona into the Nauset parking lot. There’s cameras, security guards, and even routine locker checks. When I was a senior there we had one campus security officer and there was never a problem, now I guess shit goes down everyday.

I don’t want to make it sound like I come from the ghetto or anything, but the Cape has got it’s own problems just like every little town across the US. Maybe stuff down there hits a little harder cause that’s where I grew up.

On a much happier note, I’ve been hitting the gym on a pretty regular schedule. Started up on Saturday and got my ass out of bed early to go this morning. I’m hurting in places that I never knew existed, but I do actually feel a little bit better. Now if I can just keep this up, I’ll be in prime shape for summer. I might have to stop drinking beers though, the gut is getting a little out of control….. I’ll post more stuff later today…..

Sites I’m Checking Out: School of AssSteak and CheeseFragile Sin

RatatakI Love BaconDotcult

Saturday, February 17, 2001

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Emails From Captin Tony (12:56PM EST)Jack

From: Mike Mango
Subject: my brother is a douche bag
Ok, Jack. We had a small chat on AOL a while ago, when you stole my account. But you must understand that it is a joint account that me and my brother use. I live in NJ, whale he lives in Calforna. I have looked through your site. It is quite entertaining, to say the least. I enjoyed it. But, that is not the reason I am mailing you. I wanted to ask for the password. I use that account for busnuess as well as for pleasure. I need that account because of all the contacts on it.

I’ve logged onto the account a couple of times and the only people that seem to im me are some douche bag kids. I’m sure you’re not missing any important business info.

As soon as it went down, I knew what had happened, so I signed up for a new one. But the new one is only a temp. I need acess to the other one, or else I am ruined! My brother is a complete duche bag, I know. I had to live with him. He is the kind of guy who has no talent and sits and watches Star Trek because he as no freakin life. And I noticed he does steal others works. When we were yonger, our mother(my she rest in pece) made me do his sicence probjects! Why? Because he was the smarter one.

That doesn’t make any fucking sense…. If he was the smarter one, why did you do the projects? If you’re going to make up some retarded lie, and at least get the facts straight.

So, you can immagne, my frend,

Nope I’m not your friend…. Why do people think they’re automatically my buddy? Hindu Harry found out the wrong way and now you will too.

that you gave him exactly what he deserved. But I must have access to that AOL IM account. If I dont, I am ruined. I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read this request. Anyway, if you would, could you send ME the password to it, since most of the contacts are mine save for a few (RichV7007) or somthing like that and (IShagManyGirls85) or somting allong those lines. Those are his stupid frends who ALWLAYS Im me for no damed reason. You can mess with them all you like. But the other people are mine. Thanks for reading this letter. Also, you may wonder why my temp name was TMango12345. I just typed that in because it was the first ting and the simplest thing on my mind. So, thanks for reading this and have a nice day.

I’m having a great day! There’s nothing better than messing around with a couple of AOL fags. Here’s email Number 2.

From: Captin Tony
Subject: I AM SORRY!!
This has gotten totaly insane. Why dont we just forget it, Ok? I would like to inform you that I am sorry for what I did to you. And I will never do it again, I swear. Call me what you will, I am really sorry about everyting that has happened between us, on your mesage bords, and everyting else. I retract all former statments and I am really sorry. Please give me back my AOL account. I am beggin you. I dont know how else to say I am sorry, execpt I am sorry. I didnt mean one word of it, honest I didnt. Please accept this appology and realise that I am sorry. Please. I didnt mean it. And, to prove it, I am retracting all of my posts on your form just after I send this message. I really didnt mean it. I was just angy cause life sucks and i needed somting to take my mind of things. I really, really didnt mean it. I appoligise officaly. Please dont be mad. I am sorry. Sooo sorry. So, have a nice day, Jack, and once agin, I’m sorry.

Man this kid whines more than my ex-girlfriend did. Well if you had just emailed saying you were going to kick my ass, I would’ve emailed you the password, now since you sound like a little girl, I’m going to keep it for a little while longer. Have a nice day Tony!

Old News / Forums

Another Saturday (12:10PM EST)Jack
Saturday’s are normally a pretty chill day for me, but I decided to break up my day with a little trip to the gym. Damn girls are looking fine! It’s been so long since I’ve gone that I forgot how hot chicks look working out. Maybe now I’ll finally get around to doing the workout page. You know the one where I take a bunch of pictures every day and you can track the results of my progress. That means I’ll have to find some hot chick to take almost naked pictures of me every day. Any volunteers?

This Saturday was also great cause I got these pictures from a hot girl.

– Hot 1 – Hot 2 – Hot 3 – Hot 4 – Hot 5 – Hot 6 –

I love getting pictures like that!! If you want send me some nice eye candy send me an email. It really brightens up my day. So in less cooler emails, Captin Tony got one whole guy to spam the message board. Good job Tony! He did send me a couple of emails where he sounded like a whiny little bitch. I can’t get into my Yahoo mail, so I’ll post those later.

Don’t think I’ve noticed the lack of updates of the pages listed on the left hand side. I’m working on writing some new articles to be posted, but it’s a lot easier to write about stuff going on in my life, then it is to write high class articles. Like I said before if you’ve got something you want to share just email me.

Friday, February 16, 2001

Old News / Forums

Random Stuff (2:07PM EST)Jack
So I’m talking a girl out for dinner tonight, maybe if she’s good to me I’ll take her to a movie too. If she’s a prude, I’ll probably end up just sitting home on the computer. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think I should log off for a little while and experience what life has to offer. Now those are what dreams are made of!

I’m still fucking around with the Captin Tony. I have now confiscated both his aol names. You really fucked with the wrong person this time. I wish I could just go back to posting relationship advice, but I have to put up with these immature douche bags.

From: Anonymous
Subject: girls online
This story isn’t about me. It’s about one of my friends, but I was there for the whole episode.

That’s what everyone says.

My friend got a friend-of-a-friend’s email address off of one of those silly surveys that people send out en masse. He liked what he read in the survey, and she lived a 20 minute drive from his house, so he started emailing her and talking to her. They really started talking a lot – on the phone and through email. No pictures were exchanged, no physical descriptions given. He kept saying “she’s really nice. how bad could she possibly be?”

Those dreaded words….. No matter how bad you picture a girl, she can always be worse. I’m sure the same can be said for girls meeting guys from online, but I don’t give advice on that shit.

After about a month of talking on the phone and through email/chat, she wrote him this long email basically saying that she loved him and wanted to meet him and be with him. My friend thought this was a little weird, but he agreed to meet her for dinner at one of the local Italian restaurants. I walked with him there, he’s all dressed up in a tie, sportcoat, and nice khakis. This.. thing was sitting outside the restaurant. I’m going to be charitable and say she weighed 250lbs. About 5’4″. Acne scarred. Pug nose. The list goes on. It looked like someone uprooted the entire ugly tree and smashed her repeatedly with it. Protruding from the bottom of her short dress were two jiggling bags of flab that apparently served as her legs.

Oy Vey!! I’ve seen girls who fit that exact description, and they are nasty!! No wonder she didn’t exchange pics, and she must be pretty desperate by now. Only psycho, dependent, and insecure chicks tell a guy they love them in an email.

She runs up and gives my friend an enormous hug, and kisses him. I thought he was going to run away screaming in horror and anguish. Now, to my friend’s credit, he showed an astonishing amount of restraint. He didn’t scream. He didn’t leave. He actually went through with the whole dinner. Apparently he was very nice about putting a halt to their “relationship” before it began. He’s more of a man than I am – I would have been sick if she kissed me…

Yeah sometimes you have to bite the bullet. I wouldn’t go out with an extremely nasty chick on purpose, but what’s one night out of my life. Plus fat girls need love to.

What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common?
They’re both fun to ride, until your friends catch you.

Don’t forget to check out the garageDogs on RadioBoston.

Old News / Forums

Having a Little Fun (12:42PM EST)Jack
I was having a little fun over at the Klingon Message Boards last night. There’s this douche bag Captin Tony who has linking to some of my images and posting them as his own. He had even linked to my picture and was pretending to be me. So I changed the file names and put some pictures of fags…. All in all it was pretty funny.

Then I notice that Captin Tony had signed up for my forums. Being the dumbass that he is, he used the same password!! So I log back into the Klingon Forums and start deleting all his posts. I could have done a lot more damage, but I was in a good mood. It seems like in the last couple of weeks I’ve had a lot of people talking trash and had to put a lot of people back in their place. First there was Cult Chyldren, a group of fags who pretend to be goth or something, then there was Habib’s guestbook, which we totally trashed, and now it’s Captin Tony. Who wants to be the next one embarrassed?

I just noticed that all the Star Trek losers are discussing who the real Captin Tony is. Some people have way to much free time.

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