– Friday May 30 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

The Best Update eVeR!! (5:00PM EST) Jack
Since today is the greatest day of my short life, I’ve decided to makethis the best update in the history of this site! I’ve been working on it forhours already and it’s jam packed with porn, movies, flash, humor, boobies, andeverything else that I found on my hard drive. There’s going to be so much pornthat it’s going to take you weeks to get through it all!!!�

Today I found out that I’m only three classesaway from graduating!! It’s about time for this whole school thing to be overand done with. Luckily I only have to take one class over the summer and thentwo in the fall. I figure with this downtime it gives me a little more opportunityto work on the site,� get my A+ certification, and maybe get rid of thiswinter fat I’ve acquired. The last part is probably going to be the toughestbecause I really like to eat, and I don’t east the best foods in the world. Ihave been going to the gym, and I picked up one of those body fat analyzers so Iguess I’m on my way to that 6-pack.

Checkout more intheVip pics right here!

So yesterday I walk into thesupermarket and buy, 1 toothbrush, 1 tube of toothpaste, 1 roll of toilet paper,1 frozen dinner, 1 can of soda, and 1 box of cereal. The woman behind thecounter says, “so you are single huh?”� I replied verysarcastically, “why would you guess that, because I am buying 1 ofeverything?” The woman replies, “no, because you are ugly.” Ofcourse you should have seen the tits on this broad. I’m pretty sure they weresagging way below her knees. It was obvious that she hadn’t been laid in yearsand was taking out her frustrations on me. Oh well though, I can’t make all theladies wet.

JoinCaptain Poon and his bitches on the Bang Boat!!

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One day, a boy comes home afterschool looking jubilant. His mother asks him, “Why are you so happy?”
The boy responds, “I just had sex with my English teacher.”
The mother is mortified, of course, and tells the boy his father will hear aboutthis when he gets home. So when he does get home, the mother tells him whathappened between the boy and the English teacher.
The father breaks out in smiles and says, “Congratulations, son! You�re areal man now! Let�s go out for some ice cream to celebrate!” So off tothe ice cream parlor they go, but after eating their ice cream, the dad says,”Son, I�m still so very proud of you. Let�s go to the carnival tocelebrate.” And so they do, but after the carnival, the dad says,”Son, I know you wanted a new bicycle for Christmas, but what theheck…Let�s go get that new bike now!”
The boy groans and says, “Dad, could we go get the bike later? My ass isstill kinda sore from all the sex.”

Remember the kid that made thosegreat Star Wars videos? Well here they are plus a brand new Matrix Version!Check out these three great clips!

– StarWars Kid #1 – StarWars Kid #2 – StarWars Kid #3 -�

Pretty funny stuff… I’m justglad the internet wasn’t around back when I was a fat kid. Otherwise it wouldprobably be me in that video.�

So I watched the amazing race lastnight. I really dig this show because it’s all about using your brain and yourmuscles. It doesn’t have all the gay backstabbing of Survivor, and they usuallyhave some pretty cool teams. If you watched it last year you’ll remember theex-couple won it all in the end, even though the guy deserved about 90% of thatcash. This year looks to be more of the same, with all the good stuff from lastyear. You know what they say, if it aint broke don’t fix it.

So tonight is the opening of WrongTurn. I’m looking forward to seeing it, but it’s been getting bad reviews onboth Aintit Cool and Chud.I’ll probably still end up dragging the woman to this at some point though. Justlike I’ll be bringing her to see Freddy vs. Jason. What can I say…. I’m a suckfor shitty horror movies. Cabin Fever is another one coming out this summer soit’s looking a pretty decent summer for horror popcorn flicks. Check out thetrailers for yourself and see what you think.

– WrongTurn – Freddyvs. Jason – CabinFever –

So in just a couple of weeks it’llbe the beginning of summer and the beginning of getting to sit by the pool anddo absolutely nothing. I’ll be going to the Cape for a week and staying in aphat house on one of the islands. That’ll mean a whole week of doing nothing butdrinking, smoking, fucking, and swimming. Not too shabby huh? Bet you wish youwere going to be there….

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