Monday July 28 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

I Hate Super Cuts (12:00AM EST) Jack
Yet I keep going back to them for haircuts… While me and Monica weregoing out, she cut my hair so I didn’t have to pay to get butchered every coupleof months. The other day I notice that my hair is getting pretty shaggy, andit’s about time for a trim. One thing I do love about getting my haircut is thefeeling of some hot broad running her fingers through my hair. I would totallysay that my bigger head is an erogenous zone, and anytime a hot Asianhairdresser is fondling me, I find it hard not to pitch a tent under that thingthey throw on you.

In other boring news I got all my shit together for school and afterSeptember 1st, I will officially have no life at all. Don’t expect too manyposts cause my second home will now be the classrooms over at STCC. I’ll begoing to school Mon thru Thursday taking some of the most boring classes ever.Also the chances of any of these classes having a single girl that is somewhatdoable are slim to fucking none. I guess It’ll all be worth it when I graduateMagna Cum Laude on� some broads titties

Driving down a countryroad, a man sees a sign for “St. Mary’s Brothel and Convent.” Hechuckles, and keeps going. But after seeing a few more signs, he realizes he hasto know what goes on at a whorehouse run by nuns. So he takes the turn, andparks. Welcomed inside, a nun greets him.

“I’m Sister Superior of St. Mary’s Holy Brothel and Convent. Are you interestedin our services?”

The man is a little flustered, but chokes out that he would indeed…but whatexactly can he get?

She replies, just loud enough to be heard “It’s $100 to be fucked.”

The man quickly goes to his wallet…because how often does one get to sleepwith a nun for a hundred bucks. The money in hand, the sister superior leads himup down a few hallways, covered in pictures of Christ, and Mother Mary, and thelike. She gets to a hall with a few rooms on each side, and asks what kind ofgirl he would like.


“Right this way,” she replies, and ushers him to the last door.

As he goes through the door, she shoves him, and he falls off the back steps ofthe building. As he picks himself up, he hears the door slam and lock. Hescreams for her to let him back in until he’s blue in the mouth. As he finallyturns around, he sees a sign:

“You’ve been fucked by St. Mary’s Brothel and Convent!”

Sometimes when I’m bored Itake a nice little walk through the park… Some days I flirt with the girlswalking their dogs and other times I catch something like this!

A man walks into a bar and sits down for a drink. The womansitting next to him couldn’t help but notice the sad look on his face as heorders a drink. She proceeds to ask him “What’s wrong”
“My wife left me,” the man replies.
“Oh, that is so sad, I am sorry to here that,” says the woman.”Why did she leave you?”
“Well, to be honest, she said that I was too kinky.”
The woman then says “Well, you won’t believe this, but just last year myhusband left me, for the very same reason. What do you say we finish thesedrinks, head back to my place, and see what happens?”
The man agrees, And when they get back to her place, she tells him to makehimself comfortable and proceeds to the bedroom. She decides to make the best ofit, and pulls out her finest kinky outfit. Black leather boots that go to herknees. Crotch less panties, and a bustier in black patent leather. A spikedcollar and long black gloves. She ties her hair back in a tight pony tail, grabsher whip and heads for the door.
As she walks out she sees the man just opening the door to leave. “Whereare you going?” she asks. “I thought we were going to have somefun.”
The man replies , “I already fucked your dog and shit in your purse. I’mout of here.”

A blonde isroller-skating down the board-walk one day. She’s just skating along in herlycra shorts, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. She decides thatshe really needs a haircut.

She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser andsays, “I need a haircut.” The hairdresser checks her out and says,”OK, sit down and take off your headphones.”

“No way!” shouts the blonde, “If I take off my headphones, I’lldie!”

“Then I can’t give you a haircut,” replies the hairdresser.

So the blonde gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. Shesees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, “I need ahaircut… but you can’t take off my headphones or I’ll die!”

The hairdresser looks at her a little weird, but says, “OK, no problem.Have a seat.” So the blonde sits down and the hairdresser comes up behindher, and when she isn’t looking, he rips the headphones off her head.

Suddenly the blonde starts choking, and soon turns blue in the face, then keelsover and dies right there in the salon chair.

The hairdresser is a little freaked by this. He leans over and cautiouslylistens into the blonde’s headphones and he hears…

“Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…”

Here’s Some XXX Sites For You All

– inthevip – Mega Cock Cravers- CumFiesta – Mike’s Apartment –

Here’s a list of sexual positionsthat I came across…..

Anal Boot [n] When you takea pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock andthen the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouthof the loser of a bet or Drinking game.

Australian Death Grip [n] The act of grabbing a woman by thehaunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you’re slapped or kissed.A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity forwagering among friends.

Ball Sacking [v] stretching of the scrotum over the face of someonesleeping or passed out, having a picture taken and posting it on the internetBeef Curtain [n] The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched likePlay-doh for an hour or so of jimmy-jam (aka Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, PissFlappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).

Clickhere for the rest of the list!

An extremely shy and very modestman was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left hisdigestive system upset.

Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided that thelatest was another false alarm, so he stayed put in his bed. He suddenly filledhis bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threwthem out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He startedyelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets ina tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who hadwatched the whole incident walked up and asked, “What was that allabout?” Still staring down at his feet, the drunk replied: “I think Ijust beat the shit out of a ghost”

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington(Huskies) chemistry midterm. The answer was so “profound” that the professorshared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying itas well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbsheat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, (gas coolsoff when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing with time. So we need toknow the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they areleaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, itwill not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls areentering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the worldtoday. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of theirreligions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we canproject that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls inHell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volumein Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature andpressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls areadded. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enterHell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hellbreaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of soulsin Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. Sowhich is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshmanyear�”�that it would be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.:–and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexualrelations with her, then #2 cannot be true; and thus I am sure that Hell isexothermic and will not freeze.

The student Received the only “A” given.

Here’s a little story from a ‘cam girl’ called Ashley. She’s pretty hot andI’d let smoke my pole if she was actually still in this country. She’s from thesame state as me, so I’m sure I’ll eventually get into her pants.

How To Get in a Girl’s Pants

I’m Ashley and I’m not easy. I don’t think that’s why Jack asked me to writethis article, but it’s probably important to know since this is me writing abouthow to get into a girl’s pants. Anyway I was told that I wasn’t easy by a prettygood source and I trust his judgment. Naturally I’d have my panties off for Jackin a second, but who wouldn’t? Seriously.

Something important to remember is that most girls are just as superficial asguys are, so seriously – if you’re completely busted, your options are probablylimited. I have problems with kissing ugly guys – meaning I can’t bring myselfto do it. And if I can’t kiss a guy, I’m probably not going to fuck him. Myadvice would be to focus on girls that are at about the same level ofattractiveness that you are; they’re already used to what they’re seeing in themirror every day and probably won’t have a problem with you.

Once you’ve proven yourself able to actually get a reasonably attractive girlthat you want to have sex with, the best thing to do is not turn into a completejackass. That point should be obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many guysfuck that one up. Bear in mind that despite what you may think, her sole purposein life is not to service you. If she says that she doesn’t want to have sex,don’t say “please” because it probably won’t change her mind and don’tthrow a temper tantrum. Girls find that a serious turnoff. However, if she’sjust a cocktease, she doesn’t deserve your respect anyway and you should dropher off on the nearest street corner. That’s just my opinion.

It’s also important to remember that being sensitive isn’t as important as onewould think. I personally tend to think any guy I meet who is overly sensitive,attentive, and all that stuff that’s supposed to characterize the perfect male,is gay. So don’t fall into the sensitivity trap. I mean you should complimenther and treat her well absolutely – but empathizing with absolutely every aspectof her feminine issues sets off gaydar in almost any girl’s mind.

So basically, to recap – don’t waste your time on cockteases or girls that areclearly too good for you, don’t turn into a complete jackass, and don’t act gay- those things basically guarantee you’ll be sleeping alone. I’m done.


Clickhere for more girls getting fucked on the Bang Boat!

Clickhere for more girls getting fucked on the Bang Boat!

Well, that’s all for another couple of days.Thanks for reading!! Ohyeah, don’t forget to check out Teen Rave where the hottest teens pose in thebest galleries!

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