Monday June 9 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Fucking Mondays (9:00PM EST) Jack
Well, it’s another boring Monday night so here I am sitting in my boxerswith pieces of food littered around me. When the woman goes away, I like toslack on the whole ‘cleaning’ thing. Of course she’ll be back in like 6 hours soI’ll have to get my ass in gear in a couple of minutes, otherwise I’ll have myass in a sling.�

So how was everyone’s weekend? It was prettymuch the same ole shit around my area, and I’m basically just getting ready fora good weekend coming up. Me and the woman are hitting the Red Sox and thenafter hitting the game, we’ll be driving down to the nice state of CT to gogamble at Mohegan Sun. They gave her some sweet deal on a hotel room, and Ithink we’ve earned enough comps so the night will almost be free of charge.Hopefully we’ll leave with some cash, because I could really use it this time ofyear.

�Steve is shopping for a newmotorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, sowhenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal shouldbe.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. Hedrives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
“No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.” Shetells him, “Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. Wehaven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to dothem.”
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piledup to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decidesto have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and hassex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her momhorrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later hegrabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now hisgirlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.
But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is aloud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. Hejumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table andscreams, “OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I’LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES”

Jack is one horny guy, he isn�t sure what todo about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. Hewalks down the street to the local brothel and knocks on the door. The madamopens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him.

“I�m really horny, but I only have five dollars. What can you do forme?” Jack asks the madam.

She looks over this fellow and says, “Don�t worry. We can take care ofyou. No problem.” She leads Jack into a room where in the opposite corneris a chicken. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can�t be thatbad, so he gives the madam five bucks, and she closes the door behind her. Jackundresses and has the time of his life. When he�s done, he can�t rememberwhen he�s had such a pleasurable experience.

One week later, horny again, Jack has saved up ten dollars. Being a satisfiedcustomer, he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him forten bucks. “Well, for ten dollars, we have a special show,” the madamreplies. She leads him into a different room in which there are several peoplesitting on benches. “Sit back and enjoy the show, Jack,” the madamtells him.

Jack gives his money to the madam and takes a seat on one of the benches. Soonafter, the lights dim and the blinds open, revealing another room on the otherside of a two-way mirror. On the other side of the glass, two women begin toundress each other. Jack is very impressed. Clearly, these women are unawareanyone is watching as they begin to make love to one another passionately.Apparently there is nothing they won�t do to each other. Jack once again feelshe is getting his money�s worth, and he turns to the guy beside him and says,”This is a pretty good show for ten bucks, eh?!”

The guy turns to Jack and says, “That�s nothing…Last week we saw a guyscrewing a chicken!”

Here’s a quick entry from my buddies journal…They’re currently going across Europe, and it sounds like they’re having ablast!!

Sexy animal doctor, Vanessa!����Added: June 6th

On our last day in Vienna we chose the zoo as our destination for hooking upwith our final hot local girl.
Out with my two apes, we found Vanessa, a beautiful young “animaldoctor.”

Our ploy for the love connection? The stray cat we had picked up who needmedical attention and a home since we were scheduled to leave that very night.She was displeased with the camera – would she possibly consider a house call?

Perhaps it was the idea of a sick animal that made her say yes to coming backto our hotel – or maybe she thought the boys were cute. She did look at the catand agree to find him a home even before we got her top off! With beautifulnatural tits and amazing eyes, Vanessa was a wild ride in bed…See the explicitaction on film inside!

Beer and Shots(8:00PM EST) Wolfy

Hey y’all, Wolfyhere again. I had a good story with lots of crackwhores and general debauchery -alas I forgot the damn thing between hits. So I guess all that’s left is to makesomething up! Before I get started though, can anyone help me out? I live inMemphis, and I can not find a nude beach ANYWHERE near me! If you’ve never beento one, let me straighten you out real quick. First of all, there are no hotchicks at the nude beach. Not many, anyway. Also, there is no SEX on the nudebeach. I used to go to one in Wisconsin (Maze, it was called) and when you leftthe place you almost had to fight off the bible-thumpers. They would yell at usand call us sinners and do their damndest to make sure we knew exactlywhat kind of devil-spawn we were for participating in such obscene behavior…But here’s the truth.

There’s something about the feel of the sun on your bare ass. There’ssomething about the way you feel when you are out there, exposed to the world…Some of you might think, “Oh I could never do that, I’d be tooembarrassed.” In fact, it’s the exact opposiite. When you expose yourselfto the world, when you bare your body and basically your very soul, as if youhave nothing to hide, all your worries disappear. They just vanish! You spendthe day as carefree as a bird on extasy, and for all the world you might be thedeer who just ate my fuckin plants (I will find you and kill you and smoke yourFUCKIN hide, Bambi!). Just high.. speaking of which, I’m outta rock and I gottarun.

Seriously though – if anyone has heard of or been to a nude beach ornaturalist resort within 250 miles of memphis, let me know. e-mail webmaster

Of course, most of you won’t be able to help, so do yourself a favor andcheck out the VIP room -your buddy Jack is not lying, it kicks some serious ass. Peace!

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