– Saturday April 19 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Boooooored (12:00PM EST) Jack
The woman just took off for class so I guess it’s time for a small update. I’ve thrown in Stealing Harvard with Jason Lee, it kinda sucks so it’s just another reason to write something for the site. It looks like it might actually be a decent day out today so I hope you’re not all stuck inside like me.

Last night we were going to see Phone Booth, but instead we just got pretty drunk and partied like rock stars. It’s good times I tell you. I’ll be hurting tonight, but for right now I feel alright.

Some buddies of mine have been traveling across Europe and they’ve been sending me pictures of the chicks that they bang. I swear I’m missing out by living in Western Mass. Oh well, I guess I’ll just live vicariously through them…..

Click here for tons more pictures!!!

The Laws of Love and Dating

  1. If you meet a woman, and you like her, then she… has a jealous boyfriend 6’4″ 280 pounds is a confirmed lesbian only wants to be friends doesn’t notice you’re even alive
  2. About who tries to pick you up; if you’re: heterosexual, then homosexuals will try homosexual, then heterosexuals will try bi-sexual, then, no one will try with someone special, everyone will try
  3. About finding love; if you: hope you found it, you’ll be disappointed think you found it, you’re wrong believe you found it, you’re misinformed have found it, you won’t know until too late
  4. About winning/losing; if you: don’t have anything to lose, you won’t win have something to lose, you’ll lose it do win, it’s only so you can lose more later
  5. If she appears to be having a good time, it’s because: she’s fanaticizing, and not of you, either she’s been eyeing-up someone else she’s trying to make someone jealous
  6. About dating, if she: arrives with a man, it’s the boyfriend she never told you about, and he has a few “questions” for ya arrives with her girlfriend, it’s because she wants some protection, not for anything kinky comes alone, it’s because she looks at you as a friend; there isn’t a chance you’ll ever be more either

Here’s a fun little trick to play on your friends. Have them say silk three times in the row and then ask then what a cow drinks. Most people (because they are retarded) will say milk. Of course all us smart people will say water, because cows give milk, not drink it. See how many people you can prove your advanced intellect too.

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