Sunday July 20 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Sunday July 20 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Posted By: IWANG Jack

Posted: 7/19/2003 2:10:46 PM

Comments: 0

So I Called It (12:00AM EST) Jack
If you remembermy last post, then you’ll recall that I fucked Monica and another broadlast week. I also posted some repercussions of the threesome, and lo and beholdMonica got all jealous and I had to drop her like a bad habit. We’ve had ourbreakups in the past, but I think this one is for good. I guess it’s for thebest as it will give me a chance to save some money and concentrate on bangingas many girls as I can.

Now don’t get me wrong, because I’m really anice guy at heart. But after being in a long relationship, I think I need the opportunityto vent, and I’ll get my rocks off as much as possible. I really do want to finda girl to settle down with, but for the next couple of months it’s going to beall about the poonani and nothing else. If I meet the right girl during thistime, sure I’ll commit to her, but she better be one special broad.

It’ll give me some time to work on the sitetoo, and although that’s not really better than getting constant pussy, it couldbe a lot worse. There’s only so much shit I’ll put up with before the constantpussy isn’t worth it anymore. I think most guys are like this because I see alot of whiny bitches and they’re all in relationships. But who am I to sayanything, my ex-girlfriend was a whiny bitch and I stayed with her for over ayear.

It seems weird because she was my longestrelationship, and I really thought we had a chance to stay together. Now I’m notgoing to get all teary eyed and shit, because that’s not the way I roll, but wedid have some good times. So now it’s out with the old and busted and in withthe new hottness!

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One day a little boy walked in onhis mother in the shower. The boy pointed to his mother’s pussy and said”What�s that mommy?”.

The mother not wanting to explain the facts of life to the boy said”that�s my sponge” the boy satisfied with the answer went out.

A few days later the boy again walked in on his mother in the shower. The nightbefore the mother had shaved completely.

The boy noticing the difference asked the mother “where is yoursponge?”.

The mother said she lost it and the boy satisfied went outside again..

All of a sudden the boy ran back in. “Mommy, mommy I found your sponge! Iwas looking in Mrs. Jones back window and I saw Mrs. Jones washing daddy’s facewith it!”

With summer here, it’s time timefor Jack’s Tips for the Ladies. Since all you fine females are going tobe at the beach and beside the pool, here’s a little suggestion… Keep ThosePussies Under Control! I don’t want to see your bush hanging out of your bikini.So here’s 4 styles you should be able to pull off with no problem.

THE BRAZILIAN – thisinvolves stripping all but a trimmed “racing stripe” of hair down thecentre of the bikini area. Named after the J Sisters (seven Brazilian sisterswho brought the style to New York), The Brazilian gained cult status withfollowers like Gwyneth Paltrow and Cindy Crawford, whose signed portraits hangon the “J’s” salon walls

THE HOLLYWOOD – named afterthe town where dreams are made; there’s only one proviso with this style: takeit allllllllll off. (Also known more recently as “The Moby”)

THE TIFFANY BOX – most ofus can’t afford the jewelry, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have the box itgoes in! This style involves waxing and trimming the hair into the shape of asmall box, which is then dyed in Tiffany’s iconic shade of blue.

THE BECKHAM – apatriotically British style; this is like The Brazilian but with a Mohican tuftdown the center.

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One Sunday morning George burstinto the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! Iam getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block awayand her name is Susan. After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, “Son, Ihave to talk with you.” “Look at your mother, George. She and I havebeen married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has neveroffered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women alot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marryher.”

George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girlsagain. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Dianne saidyes! We’re getting married in June.” Again his father insisted on anotherprivate conversation and broke the sad news. “Dianne is your half sistertoo, George. I’m awfully sorry about this.” George was livid!

He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.”Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,”he complained. “Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the girl is my halfsister.” “Hehehe,” his mother chuckled, shaking her head,”don’t pay any attention to what he says. He’s not really yourfather.”

So I just found out that my school finally accepts payment plansfor night students. This is really a bonus because now I don’t have to shell outa huge amount of cash in one month. Make’s things a lot easier for a brokechucklehead like myself. Now I don’t have to go and sell my body on Hooker St indowntown Springfield just to make my tuition payment. I’m really looking forwardto getting back into classes, and now that I’m single again it should make foran interesting semester.

I’ve been working out a lot recently and the only reason is tomeet girls like this one!

– Workout Babe -Workout Babe – Workout Babe -Workout Babe- Workout Babe –

– Workout Babe -Workout Babe – Workout Babe -Workout Babe-

One thing I didn’t think I wasgoing to have to talk about was psycho girls….. Now in reality most of thegirls you meet are fucking looney toons. They may be able to hide it well, butafter you break up, then the real psychotic side will show up. Take Monica forexample.. The day after I told her it was over she called my cell phone 20times! Now that’s it the weekend I’m sure she’ll be driving by my house to seeif my car is there. I really hope she doesn’t stop by or anything, because I’mnot up for seeing or talking with her. It would just make everything so mucheasier if I never have to see this girl again. I really don’t feel to bad aboutthe breakup, and I feel more sorry that she’s so hung up on me that she justcan’t let go. But that’s no reason to continue a relationship that I’m notreally happy in.

A housewife takes a lover duringthe day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9 year old son washiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her loverin the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: “$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are inthe closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Man: “How much?”
Boy: “$750.”
Man: “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s gooutside and toss the baseball.”

The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.” The father asks, “How muchdid you sell them for?” The son says, “$1,000.” The father says,”That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way morethan those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make youconfess.” They go to church and the father
alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth andcloses the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”

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I was in the supermarket one dayand was doing some shopping. After i had paid i bumped into an old girlfriend ofmine, who had gotten married about seven years ago, and her six year old son. Westarted the regular chit chat and my wife came over from the candy shop. As iwas the one who broke up with the woman I was talking to she had never reallygotten over me and the rivalry between my wife and her was obvious.

My little three-year old girl, sitting in the shopping cart stretched out herarms to my wife and gave her a loud kiss.

As my ex saw this something clicked in her and she bent down to her son andsaid, – Give your mom a big kiss! The kid looked horrified and said,
– No!
– Come on, give me a kiss! She tried.
– No!
– Aww.. Come on!
– No!
– Why won’t you give me a kiss? She asked a little embarrassed.
– I can’t say, he mumbled.
– Aww.. come on, telll me.
– No!
– Tell me! Sha said, all of a sudden angry.
Then the kid screamed out loud so that it could be heard all over thesupermarket,
– ‘Cause I saw you with dads penis in your mouth this morning!

My ex walked out of that store read as a fire truck in her face.

Here’s another amazing girl foryou to check out.. Remember only the best girls make it to IWANG!

A married woman stands naked infront of the mirror, displeased at the size of her breasts. As her husband walksinto the room, she asks him, “Honey, what do you think aboutimplants?”

The husband, frugal and concerned as he is, tells his wife, “Dear, I thinkthey are just fine.”

The wife exclaims, “But I don’t, I would really like to have biggerbreasts.”

So the clever husband tells her, “I know of a definite way to enlarge yourbreasts and it takes only minutes a day.”

Excited, the wife asks, “How?”

The husband says, “See, every time you’re in the bathroom, take a piece oftoilet paper and rub it between your breasts. And in no time at all, they willbe larger.”

The now doubtful wife asks, “Does that really work? Toilet paper?”

To which the husband responds, “Why not, it worked for your ass.”

Students at a Med School werereceiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They are allgathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

Then the professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it isnecessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor:

The first is that it is necessary that you don’t get disgusted.”

The professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body,withdrew it and sucked it. “Go ahead and do the same thing” he toldhis students.

The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk theirfinger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it.

When everyone finished the professor looked at them and told them:
“The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle fingerand sucked the index finger. Pay attention people!!!”

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