– Thursday April 17 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend
I’m Back Like Herpes (12:00AM EST) Jack
Well, after taking some time off to collect my thoughts, get some school work done, and make the sex with my girlfriend I’m back posting on this site again. I always mean to post everyday, but it seems like I never have enough time. So with summer coming I’m going to try and make a little extra effort to keep the site updated. I know it’s probably the dumbest time to have classy updates, but hey I’m sure all of you don’t hang out at the beach.
So since the last time I posted I’ve broken up with the woman, got back together, broken up AGAIN, and finally got back together today. It’s so fucking gay what we argue about, but it always seem to blow up into something huge. I guess since we get back together all’s well that ends well. We’ve got a nice little plan to go away for Memorial Day, so I’m hoping I can pull it together at least until then.
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So what else has been going on with me since I’ve been away? Well, I’ve been going to the gym and I’m starting to lose this spare tire that I’ve built up. I’m not looking for a six-pack or anything but this beer gut has really got to go. Plus these man-boobies that I’ve developed are really pissing me off too. I feel a million times better since I’ve been going, so that’s a good thing too.
Other than that, it’s pretty much business than usual. Summer is coming which is always a good thing. I’ve got a few projects I want to develop this Summer and the break from classes will give me the time to do it.
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Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it’s annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they’ll never understand… 1. Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble off-shore drilling equipment is well-documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like “professional” or “industrial strength”, because inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish-fulfilment played out at a higher testorerone level. But occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with “operating theatre-quality air”. I kept him away from my surgical-steel steak knives.
2. Why we are so bad at shopping.
We’ve never been trained to do it the right way. Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males – which is why if you send a man out to but eggs, sugar and bread you should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of wine, a pair of jeans and a tree.