Monday June 9 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Monday June 9 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Fucking Mondays (9:00PM EST) Jack

Well, it’s another boring Monday night so here I am sitting in my boxerswith pieces of food littered around me. When the woman goes away, I like toslack on the whole ‘cleaning’ thing. Of course she’ll be back in like 6 hours soI’ll have to get my ass in gear in a couple of minutes, otherwise I’ll have myass in a sling.�

So how was everyone’s weekend? It was prettymuch the same ole shit around my area, and I’m basically just getting ready fora good weekend coming up. Me and the woman are hitting the Red Sox and thenafter hitting the game, we’ll be driving down to the nice state of CT to gogamble at Mohegan Sun. They gave her some sweet deal on a hotel room, and Ithink we’ve earned enough comps so the night will almost be free of charge.Hopefully we’ll leave with some cash, because I could really use it this time ofyear.

�Steve is shopping for a newmotorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, sowhenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal shouldbe.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. Hedrives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.

“No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.” Shetells him, “Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. Wehaven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to dothem.”

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piledup to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decidesto have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and hassex with her in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her momhorrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later hegrabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now hisgirlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.

But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is aloud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. Hejumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table andscreams, “OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I’LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES”

Jack is one horny guy, he isn�t sure what todo about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. Hewalks down the street to the local brothel and knocks on the door. The madamopens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him.

“I�m really horny, but I only have five dollars. What can you do forme?” Jack asks the madam.

She looks over this fellow and says, “Don�t worry. We can take care ofyou. No problem.” She leads Jack into a room where in the opposite corneris a chicken. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can�t be thatbad, so he gives the madam five bucks, and she closes the door behind her. Jackundresses and has the time of his life. When he�s done, he can�t rememberwhen he�s had such a pleasurable experience.

One week later, horny again, Jack has saved up ten dollars. Being a satisfiedcustomer, he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him forten bucks. “Well, for ten dollars, we have a special show,” the madamreplies. She leads him into a different room in which there are several peoplesitting on benches. “Sit back and enjoy the show, Jack,” the madamtells him.

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