Pre-Relationship Agreement

Pre-Relationship Agreement

– Monday April 21 – 2003 :: I Want a New Girlfriend

Perfection (12:00AM EST) Jack

Today was a fucking perfect spring day!! I got a shitload of sun, and got a ton of stuff accomplished. It started off with watching the canoe races up in the mountains and ended with me kicking some serious ass in Volleyball. I only hope that the summer was just as nice as today. I hope most of you peeps got out their and were able to check out the ladies in the short shorts.

Looking for more girls taking on their first huge cocks??

Click here for a TON more pictures!!

The party of the first part (herein referred to as she/her) being ofsound mind and fairly good body, agrees to the following with the party ofthe second part (herein referred to as he/him). 1. FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship(colloquially referred to as the first date or match up), each party agreesto fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarrereligious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange politicalaffiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that havenot yet been terminated. Further each party agrees to make known anydeep-seated mother/father/brother/sister complexes and fanatical obsessionswith pets, careers, or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosureswill result in the immediate termination of said relationship before ithas a chance to get anywhere.

2. INDEMNIFICATION OF FRIENDS: Both parties agree to hold the person whoarranged the liaison (colloquially referred to as the “matchmaker”)blameless in the event the “fix-up” turns out to be a “real loser” or”psycho bitch”. (For definition of “real loser”, see “John DeLorean: MyStory”, available at most bookstores; George Hamilton at one of ImeldaMarcos’ parties; or any picture of Bob Guccione in Penthouse. For definition of “psycho bitch,” see Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct,” or Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction.”)

3. DEFINITION OF RELATIONSHIP: Should said relationship proceed past the first “fix-up” both parties mutually agree to use the following terminology in describing their said “dating”: For the first thirty (30) days both parties consent to say they are “going out”. (This neither implies nor states any guarantee of exclusivity.) Following the first thirty (30) days said parties may say they are “seeing somebody” and may be referred to by third parties as “an item”. Sixty (60) days following the commencement of the “first date” either member may elect to use the terms “girl/boyfriend” or lover” and their mutual acquaintances may refer to them as “a couple”. Under no circumstances are the phrases “my better half,” “the little woman,” “the old ball and chain,” or “my old man/lady” acceptable. Further, if both members of the party consent, this timetable may be accelerated; however, if either party “gets too serious” and disregards this schedule, the other party may dissolve the relationship on the grounds of “moving too fast” and may once again be said to be “on the market.”

4. TERMS OF EXCLUSIVITY: For the first thirty (30) days both parties agree not to ask questions about the others whereabouts on weekends, weeknights, or over long holiday periods. No unreasonable demands or expectations will be made; both parties agree they have no “rights” or “holds” on the other’s time. Following the first six weeks or forty-five (45) days, if one party continues to be “missing in action” without explanation, the “wounded party” agrees to “give up”.

5. DATING ETIQUETTE: For the first thirty (30) days both members of the couple agree to be overly considerate of the other’s work pressures, schedules, and business ambitions. A minimum of three (3) phone calls will be made between the two parties during the working day, and each party will attempt – with best efforts – to originate 50% of the phone calls. Additionally, for the first two weeks all dates will be made at least twenty-four (24) hours in advance; there will be no “running off in the middle of the night” to console an old girl/boyfriend”, and both parties agree to strike the phrase “but he/she needs me” from their vocabulary. Further, during the first six (6) weeks each member of said relationship agrees to attempt at least one spontaneous “home cooked meal” and will arrange the delivery of at least one unexpected bouquet of flowers. Following the first forty-five (45) days both parties will return to their normal personalities.

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